'AITA for telling my roommate she can’t bring her boyfriend over unless he starts buying groceries?'
"AITA for telling my roommate she can’t bring her boyfriend over unless he starts buying groceries?"
So me (21F) and my roommate Chloe (22F) have been living together for almost a year. We split rent, utilities, and groceries 50/50. It’s been mostly fine—until her boyfriend basically started living with us.
Like he’s not officially moved in or anything but he’s here 4-5 nights a week sometimes more. He showers here, sleeps here, and eats all the time. He’ll make himself full-on meals with OUR shared groceries and not even ask. And before anyone says anything—yes, I’ve talked to her about it.
I brought it up kinda casually at first, like “Hey, do you think [boyfriend] could pitch in for groceries since he’s here a lot?” but Chloe just laughed it off and said "He doesn't even eat that much".
For the record, my boyfriend comes over too sometimes. But he only eats food that I specifically bought (like the snacks I keep in my room or label) and he always asks first.
One time he accidentally ate Chloe’s leftover takeout from the fridge because he thought it was mine—and she absolutely flipped. Like full-on mad for a whole day. I apologized, and he offered to replace it, but she was still super salty towards him.
Meanwhile, her boyfriend’s making grilled cheese, eggs, ramen, helping himself to whatever’s in the fridge like it’s a free-for-all. I let it go for a bit, but last week I went to make lunch and realized he’d finished the last of the eggs, bread, and lunch meat I bought.
That was my last straw. I'm a college student, I can't afford this. I told her again, more directly this time, that if he’s gonna be here that often and eating our food, he needs to start contributing—or just not eat stuff I paid for.
Chloe got super defensive and said I’m being unfair and “gatekeeping food” and that I’m making things awkward when he’s literally just “existing.” I said it’s not about him being here, it’s about him acting like he lives here without actually paying to live here.
Now she’s barely speaking to me and said I’m “ruining her vibe” and making her feel like she can’t have her boyfriend over. I’m seriously not trying to be controlling, but I also don’t want to be feeding a third person for free.
Did I overreact? My bf, best friend, and mom are the only people who know about this. My bf and best friend are on my side while my mom thinks this would be a stupid thing to end a friendship over and I should let it go before it turns into something bigger.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. Like you said...he's basically living there without the financial burden. Honestly, to keep the peace, I would suggest you guys just buy your own groceries from now on.
NoCase8249 (OP)
That's the thing, we don't always split groceries. I'm a picky eater, I always have been, and I buy stuff that I know I like all the time. I'll label them and sometimes they're just gone.
I'm not eating them, my boyfriend isn't, and it's probably not my roommate because she doesn't like my chips because they're "fattening" so it has to be her boyfriend. I've confronted him a couple times and he always apologizes but it's probably happened at least five times in the last six months. Not a lot, but enough to bother.
Well that adds an extra layer of yikes to it. If you buy your own groceries and stop splitting them then it has to be made clear that unless asked nothing is to be eaten....that or get your own mini fridge (something you shouldn't have to resort to unfortunately).
What does Chloe think about him eating your labeled food? I'm pretty against going to the landlord and burning bridges but that may be what happens regardless of how civil you try to be...
if he is mooching off of you, he shouldn't be allowed to eat there. Does landlord know how often he is there. Is it allowed in the lease? I have evicted tenants for sneaking people in when it is against the lease.
NoCase8249 (OP)
I don't think so, but would my landlord be able to do anything? Her boyfriend has his own place, he just stays here a lot.
NTA. Time to get a mini fridge in your bedroom and end the 50/50 groceries. See how expensive it gets for her and once she realizes how much he's consuming, she might make some changes. Good luck!
NTA and you aren't responsible for this budding hobosexual. Chloe isn't your friend, she's your roommate and part of your relationship with her is financial. You both need to treat each other with respect, and you also need to treat yourself with respect.
Stick to your guns, and if he keeps eating your food, or otherwise consuming things you pay for, write it down and present her with an invoice each week. If your bf stays 2 nights, and he stays 4, reduce the invoice by how many nights your bf stayed.
Get yourself some tubs to put your own food in and label the tubs so it's very clear. Next time boyfriend comes over, tell him that he can't eat your food any more unless he contributes, and that you want to tell him directly so there's no misunderstandings.
Remind her of that ONE time your bf mistakenly ate her food, and how she flipped out and how she felt about it. Well her bf eats your food constantly, and you’re expected to just accept it. Why? You’re not his mommy, so why should you feed him. You’re not his gf, she is.
Try and keep your groceries separate. That way it’s easier for her bf to eat her food, not yours.