'AITA for telling my sister that she has to stay somewhere else? Her family lost everything?'
"AITA for telling my sister and her family that they have to stay somewhere else even tho they lost everything?"
My(30f) sister(26f) lost everything. They live in North Carolina in one of the small towns that were hit. I will not say which one for privacy. Luckily they were not home when it happened. Instead, they were off in Illinois for my wedding. They have been staying with me for around 3 weeks now.
Both my sister and myself have children. She has a 5F, 3F, 1m. I have a 6-year-old and a 2-year-old who gets into everything. I have absolutely everything locked. Cabinets, door handles, appliances, outlet covers, you name it.
This is 100% needed with my toddler.
Since day 1 of my sister being here, she has been complaining about all of the locks. She thinks they are a pain and will constantly leave everything unlocked just so she doesn't have to deal with it.
My toddler, and hers, have been getting into absolutely everything. It's dangerous for them, it's a mess and quite frankly, it sucks. I have tried talking to her about it but now, she's trying to play the guilt game because she lost everything and we said she could stay here.
I get it, it sucks. It's absolutely devastating to have nothing to go home to. She hasn't even fully processed it yet, but this is still my home. Yesterday, I reached my absolute limit with it when my toddler got into my cleaning closet. Luckily all he got ahold of was the broom.
I admit, I yelled at my sister. She started yelling back about losing everything. I yelled it wasn't my fault it happened and told her she needed to find somewhere else to stay. I feel awful now. She's still here while she figures something out but we haven't said a word to each other since. AITA?
The commenters had a lot to say in response.
Aggressive_Cattle320 wrote:
NTA. When your sister pulls the "we've lost everything", tell her that her family is all safe, so she should count her blessings. And that your childproofing of your home is to prevent FURTHER loss of harm to what IS most precious...the children. You were kind enough to let her stay in your home, and with young children herself, I'm frankly amazed that she isn't more concerned with harm coming to them.
We had every gadget for cabinets, doors, stairs, faucets, outlets, cords, etc. That is what parents are supposed to do. Tell her that while you feel empathy for them and their situation, you will not put the safety of the children and their well being at risk. You have nothing to feel sorry or guilty for. It is your home, and she's not being very respectful or grateful for the help you offered to her family.
Old-Soft7660 wrote:
NTA. You're providing a safe space for both of your families, and your home should still feel like your own. It's understandable that your sister is going through a rough time, but safety for the kids is non-negotiable.
Boundaries are important, especially when it comes to keeping the kids out of harm's way. You've tried to be understanding, but it's okay to protect your space and sanity too. Hopefully, with some time and communication, things will settle down.
puntacana24 wrote:
NTA. You provided shelter for her and her family in her time of need, and she has the audacity to complain about how you let her live in your own house?
Her losing her own home does not give her the right to criticize where you live and your decisions in your own home, especially after you are granting her shelter. If your house and your rules aren’t good enough for her, maybe she should find someplace else to stay.
eowynsheress wrote:
NTA. Your child’s safety is at risk. I am so very sorry for your sister, but the current situation is not sustainable. Offer to help her talk to her insurance(s) and start looking for other relief efforts she would qualify for. But she still needs to get out to a hotel/apartment/other family member. Best wishes for you all.
Tdluxon wrote:
NTA. She's out of line. Yes, what happened to their home is terrible, but what you are asking her to do (lock drawers, etc.) has nothing to do with that. It is not that hard to lock a drawer, and it is important for the safety of all of the kids, including hers.
She is staying in your house, she should be able to comply with basic stuff like locking a drawer, refusing to do something that minor is pretty rude and disrespectful.
Just because something bad happens to you doesn't give you an excuse to be a jerk about something that is 100% unrelated. That said, I would probably offer her one last chance given the circumstances, I'm sure she's having a really rough time. But if you do make her leave she 100% brought it on herself.
VeryFluffy wrote:
NTA. Frankly, I am astounded at how many times we see folks here who are relying on friends or family for somewhere to stay, due to unfortunate circumstances, and yet can't be bothered to stick to a few sensible rules and boundaries.
Pollythepony1993 wrote:
NTA. Yes, those child locks are a pain. And that is exactly what they should be, otherwise children could open the cabinets and doors so easily. This is the safety of your children. Apparently she has a different view. That is fine.
But this is your home so you get to decide the rules in your home. Of course, it is awful she lost everything, but that is a totally different topic. If you will still let her and her family stay she really needs to follow your rules in that matter. If you won’t she needs to figure out something for her family.
lisalef wrote:
NTA. Yes, she lost material goods. That truly sucks but what if your children had gotten into the bleach or ammonia in that closet. That could’ve had horrible consequences. Your sister's blatant disregard for the safety of her children and yours is beyond scary.