'AITA for telling my stepdad feeding his kids isn't my problem?'

"AITA for telling my stepdad feeding his kids is not my problem and so what when he tried to say they would go hungry?"

My mom had a major surgery two weeks ago. She's still in the hospital and won't be home for another few weeks yet. I (16m) am home with my stepdad and my half brother and sister since my dad isn't in the picture.

But my half siblings go to our grandparents during the day and my stepdad picks them up after work. Sometimes he will keep them with our grandparents for a few extra hours if he's visiting mom and stuff. My stepdad also has two kids from his other marriage. His daughter is 11 and his son is 10.

My stepdad's kids treat my mom like s#$t. They're being trained to act like that by their mom and my stepdad and her have been in court so many times in the last 5 years. But nothing has changed with their behavior toward mom and him and his ex still fight often about it. His kids call my mom names, say she feeds them s#t, tell her she's fat and ugly and they gag whenever they know she cooked for everyone.

It's gross. They told my mom their mom was better than her in every way and she'll never be good. My stepdad punishes them and all that but it's crazy how hateful they are to mom. They're also really rude to mom's family. I don't really have any affection or patience for them so we don't interact.

But mom gets it a lot. When my mom was brought to hospital they said good, we hope she dies. My stepdad looked incredibly pissed at them and I acknowledge he intervened immediately. But all of this means I want nothing to do with them and I'm so glad when they're not at our house. I really dislike them.

My stepdad wants me to feed his kids anyway. He gets home late and he doesn't want to pay for them to stay with a sitter for an hour or two. He also doesn't want to send them to their mom, which I get. So he wants me to provide some food for them and I said no. He told me his kids need to eat and I said it's not my problem and he does not want me left in charge of his kids ever.

He told me they'll go hungry without someone to prepare something and I said so what. He told me my attitude could use some work. He said he needs my help and he's sorry they said what they said but I need to understand their mom has poisoned them so much. He told me it won't be forever and I make myself food already so can't I make some extra. AITA?

The internet did not hold back.

Crewelsummer wrote:

"He told me they'll go hungry without someone to prepare something."

They're 10 and 11. Kids younger than that can get themselves something to eat.

Tell your step-dad that while your mom is in the hospital, he needs to buy food that's easy for kids to grab and make themselves something so that ALL the kids in the house can have access to food for themselves.

There's a wide range of options: cup'o'noodles/instant ramen, sandwich fixings, anything that can be popped in the microwave (at my house we currently have tamales and dumplings that can be just popped in the microwave, there's a LOT of options here). This will also make your life easier because you too will have those options instead of having to cook/clean up every night.

There you go. Problem solved. Kids can get themselves food, no one goes hungry, and you're not stuck cooking. NTA. You're a kid going through a lot. This is a problem an adult can easily solve without putting it on your shoulders, and the adult needs to step up and do so instead of trying to outsource it.

Demon803 wrote:

NTA, it doesn't sound like he has stuck up for you or your mom, he does not discipline his kids for their rude behavior either. Why should you feel the need to help him or his kids. It is amazing what people (dad) will do or say when their bad parenting bites them in the butt.

OP responded:

He does stick up for mom and does discipline his kids. It's just not enough.

Bobloblaw878 wrote:

10 and 11 are old enough to make simple foods for themselves. Sandwiches, ramen, cutting veggies etc. Step Dad can provide ingredients and they can manage. OP doesnt need to cook at all. NTA.

Curious_Puffin wrote:

NTA. They are old enough to understand consequences, and their stomach grumbling for an hour or two won't do them any harm, and will remind them of what they said about your mum.

But if it doesn't and they ask you for food, you can remind them who normally cooks for them when they visit, and where she is right now, and what they wanted to happen to her. Stand firm on your boundaries, your stepfather is not owed your service to his kids, and as many have said, they can make themselves a sandwich.

Dontaskmechit wrote:

NTA. I know you are only talking about feeding them but there are other issues to consider. Those kids are very hateful and there is no telling what they may accuse you of doing if you are left alone with them.

I have seen false accusations fly in similar situations, you don't want to be a part of that. So tell your stepdad you don't want to be around them unless another adult is present. He will have to figure out their care.

maj0rdisappointment wrote:

NTA for feeling the way you do...but if your mom isn't going to back you up on this you're fighting a losing battle. It sounds like you and his kids are caught in the middle of trying to blend families that isn't going so well, and that's hard on everyone.

But that being said, if you're the oldest one in the home right now, step up and feed them... And if it needs to be dealt with and do so when your mom is feeling better. That's really the best and most mature choice in what is a "can't win" situation.

OP responded:

My mom is too sick to be brought into this right now. She'd support me if she were able to. Honestly I don't think I'll ever see his kids as my family. After how they treated my mom and what they said when they about mom when she was brought to hospital. Not sure I'll ever be able to stand them let alone see them as family. I hate being around them now.

Comfortable-Sea-2454 wrote:

NTA - especially your step sibling's mother. "He told me they'll go hungry without someone to prepare something and I said so what." Make something you and your siblings want to eat and make enough for the steps as well. Tell them food is available and if they don't eat, then that is their choice.

"He told me it won't be forever and I make myself food already so can't I make some extra." Hopefully they grow out of being abusive to your Mom, but in the meantime, don't give their mother any ammunition to go back to court with. Y-T-A after answer below. Dad can get takeout for his kids.

OP responded:

Just clarifying I don't cook for my siblings. They eat at our grandparents house and come home usually after eating there. When I cook it's just for me since my stepdad normally gets takeout after work or after visiting my mom.