'AITA to inform my husband that I would divorce him if he continues to defend my brother?'
"AITA to inform my husband that I would divorce him if he continues to defend my brother?"
My husband and I (29) have been together since high school, and we were introduced by my brother. We have a beautiful 4yr old daughter who adores Emma, my brother's ex-wife.
My brother and Emma have been together for around 4 years. She is an incredible delight to be with, bringing out the best in him. Our entire family cherished her; at times, I felt like my parents loved her more than us, and the same was true for my daughter.
Emma was a fairy princess to her, and every time we went to take her up, she would cry and urge us to go home and come back tomorrow because she wanted to be with Aunt Emma.
Anyway, Emma was 26 weeks pregnant (6mnths), and we were all looking forward to it. My brother and her had always wanted a baby and seemed overjoyed whenever we visited them. She would have been an amazing mother.
Emma had been feeling bad, and her stomach hurt, so she requested my brother to drive her to the hospital, where the doctors said everything was alright and sent her home. She kept saying that she didn't feel right, but my brother dismissed it as her overreacting.
The next day, my brother, husband, and their friends went for a fishing trip. Emma urged my brother not to go since she didn't feel right and needed someone to be with her.
My amazing brother became mad, telling her to quit overreacting, that everything isn't about her, and that he needed some alone time. Well, he turned off his phone and proceeded on the trip.
Emma called me crying and asked if I could come over because her stomach hurts. By the time I arrived, she was half-conscious on a bloody floor. Rushed her to the hospital, the hospital told they required her husband's signature to carry out the operation. There was a lot of bickering. Although they saved her life, we lost the baby.
She woke up screaming and weeping, asking where her child and husband were. It was horrible. Both of my parents and her parents were in tears when they saw her. I kept calling my the guys none of them responded. When Emma finally calmed down, it was even more unsettling; it was as if she had given up, with no soul left in her eyes.
My brother returned the next day to an empty bloody apartment, ran to the hospital and apologies to Emma while crying. She looked at him with no feelings and asked for a divorce.
My brother grew depressed after that, and he would spend his days drinking in the baby's nursery. None of us really consoled him; I suppose we all blamed him in some way.
My husband went to meet him, and when he returned, he told me about the above and asked that I apologize to my brother for neglecting him and go console him. I refused.
He got angry with me and blamed Emma for the miscarriage, claiming that if she was truly ill, she should have gone to the hospital rather than making a scene, and that my brother is suffering as a result of her idiotic decision. He kept defending my brother, stating that it wasn't his fault that he wanted some alone time before the baby, and so on...
I couldn't take it any longer, so I told him that if he kept defending, I would divorce him. I took my daughter, and left for my parents' home. It's been 2 days and neither of us has tried talking. I'm not sure if I behaved like an AH. And recalling all he said, I believe I should atleast console my brother. I suppose I wanted opinions?
EDIT:
Edit :- Prior to performing any life-threatening surgery, the hospital requires the patient to sign a waiver. These paperwork can be signed by the patient or their family; because Emma was not conscious enough, they required her husband's signature. I was alone and confused, and it was a lot.
The hospital agreed after much discussion, but it really caused a lot of unnecessary delay.
Info - It was a 1-night trip and they travelled to a cabin where they claimed there was no cell service. They did not think that there would be no network.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
tortsy said:
NTA. For what it's worth, I also had an instance in which something felt wrong and doctors sent me home. I still didn't feel good and called my OB who demanded the hospital take me in. My husband did not once question how I felt because he trusted in me.
It was a good thing that both my husband and OB supported me and didn't make me second guess myself, like how your brother did, because my placenta ended up rupturing.
I am so unbelievably sorry for the loss. Your sister in law was not to blame. She didn't have the support she very much needed. Maternal care is so easily overlooked. ETA: we were lucky that both my son and I survived. However, had I not been in the hospital and already hooked up for monitoring, that likely would not have been the outcome.
Zealousideal_Mood118 said:
What the husband said about Emma is gross. Am I understanding correctly that during all this OP tried repeatedly to contact all the guys on the trip, including her husband, and he didn't answer her either? That would be a problem for me as well. He was just ignoring his wife.
Sexy_Monalisaaa said:
NTA. Your brother's actions were negligent and caused immense pain and suffering to Emma. While it's understandable to want to support family, his behavior is inexcusable and shouldn't be defended.
planetkudi said:
No, you’re NTA, and it’s kinda disgusting that he’s defending this. If it were you in this situation would he have made the same choices your brother made? All of you probably need therapy after this, honestly. Especially your brother, but everything he is feeling is a consequence of his own actions.
Apprehensive-Math499 said:
NTA. If he keeps defending nonsense like that he must agree with it on some level. That is not good.
MidnightMuuuse said:
NTA. Your husband is way out of line. Your brother's actions were negligent and caused the death of his child. While it's a tragedy, it's not your fault and you don't have to apologize for anything.