'AITA for being ungrateful and not eating the brownies my GF made for me?'
"AITA for being ungrateful and not eating the brownies my gf made for me?"
Yesterday my GF surprised me with some homemade brownies. She baked them specifically for me, she was so thoughtful and used all vegan ingredients. It made me feel both so valued and cared for but also stressed because I knew I wouldn't like them, because I can not handle the chewy texture of them.
But she didn't know that (so here I took her word for it, but that part is actually a little bit complicated- check the edit).
I love the chocolate flavor so she must have thought I would like brownies too. I thanked and then told her I'm really not good with chewy textures. She insisted that I take a bike so I did. I could barely swallow it. I smiled and hid my disgust the best I could because I knew she would be offended.
I must suck at faking my reaction because she immediately asked me does it really taste that horrible? I said it no it's not about that, I just can't handle the chewy textures. I told her it has nothing to with the taste or her baking and not to take it personal. Unfortunately she did. She told me I'm ungrateful and I could just take few bites and tell her I will save the rest for the later like a normal person.
I apologized and said I don't think I will be able to take more bites. That really upset her. She said fine I will f--king throw them away then and throw them into garbage. She was so upset the whole time and decided to not stay over so I gave a ride . She was upset during the ride too and slammed the door when she was leaving. I don’t know how to feel all about this. AITA?
ETA: “I actually remember telling her about it once but she must have forgot, because she said she didn’t know , or maybe I misremember, probably the latter. Because after I told her I’m not good with the chewy textures , I asked her “I actually told you this once don’t you remember?” and she acted like she was hearing this for the first time ever and swore I never told her about it."
The commenters had a lot to say in response.
catskilkid wrote:
Info: How long have you two been together that she does not know you can't eat "chewy textures?"
OP responded:
A little more than 2.5 months. I actually remember telling her about it once but she must have forgot, because she said she didn’t know , or maybe I misremember, probably the latter. Because after I told her I’m not good with the chewy textures , I asked her “I actually told you this once don’t you remember?” and she acted like she was hearing this for the first time ever and swore I never told her about it.
Dull-Assistance1910 wrote:
Years ago, when we were first married, my wife called me at work, all excited to share that she was making a special spaghetti dinner. I spent the next couple of hours looking forward to it.
Got home, and discovered that the recipe wasn't the tomato based sauce I was expecting, but instead was some kind of creamy white mushroom sauce. I was disappointed, but didn't let on. Didn't really enjoy it that much either. I mean, setting aside the disappointment that it wasn't what I had been looking forward to, the mushroom sauce was really pretty awful (at least to my taste).
But I was a "good soldier" and told her how much I enjoyed it anyway. "It's fantastic! Thank you so much!", etc, etc.
I ended up choking down that recipe at least twice a month for ten years before I finally had the nerve to tell her I didn't really like it.
Point being, you were in a no-win situation: You either pretend you like it, or you risk hurting her feelings. The good news for you is you aren't going to have to spend the next ten years pretending to like something you don't. So, NTA, but the two of you need to learn to communicate better. For you: Don't be afraid to be honest. For her: Never take offense at honesty.
Gaelicdarkwater wrote:
NAH - you did try to eat some, even knowing you have a texture aversion. Some people simply cannot handle certain textures. She's lucky you aren't the type to have it trigger your gag reflex! The food might taste amazing, but for some of us the texture alone can do that.
My mother loves chocolate, but if it's a pudding it will make her gag every time. For me it's things like tapioca or boba with those little bubble balls in it. We can't help it. It sounds like you're both young and she may not have much experience with people who are that texture averse.
To her she put love in the gift and you rejected it. She felt hurt and that's valid too. You both need to sit down, when calm, and discuss this as adults. Let her know you understand and appreciate the gift of love. She, meanwhile, has to listen and understand texture aversion. No one is an AH here. It's just a simple misunderstanding.
Someoneyoudontknow70 wrote:
NTA. I hate when people surprise me with stuff and then get mad when I don't enjoy their surprise. If she had done the minimum amount of probing ahead of time, she would have known that you don't like chewy textures. You're not obligated to pretend that you're enjoying something that disgusts you. You thanked her and explained that you appreciated the gesture. She can't expect more than that.
Wheelartist wrote:
NAH. Your GF was trying to do a nice thing but unfortunately it went wrong. It happens. This is a new relationship and you are both still learning about each other. GF however does need to learn that sometimes when we surprise someone, the surprise fails, often this is nobodies fault. It's nice that she wanted to do something for you, but her reaction to it failing needs addressing.
It's okay to feel disappointed when a surprise fails, but when it does, it's a chance to learn better. If I baked a cake for someone and found they couldn't eat it, I'd ask what they can eat or would like in future. I'd rather they didn't lie to me to spare my feelings.
I'd sit her down and explain that the brownies are appreciated in terms of the effort and the fact that she took the time to make a surprise for you. The fact that you don't like brownies doesn't mean the feelings and intention of baking them isn't appreciated. Maybe suggest that you make time to cook something together in future (even if baking isn't your thing, how about planning a nice meal together?).