'AITA for not wanting to share my milk with my stepdaughter?'
"AITA for not wanting to Share my Milk with My Stepdaughter?"
I am 7 months pregnant with my first child. My boyfriend (of 5 years) has two daughters 8f and 0f. His second daughter was conceived while we were on a break. I don't really have a lot of family to teach me about babies and child care so I have been learning online a lot and also attended a couple of classes being held in my area.
One of the things I learnt was the importance of breastfeeding and breast milk. I think it's such a wonderful thing to be able to offer that to my child when he is born because it has life long benefits. A few days ago my boyfriend asked me if I had twins would I formula feed or naturally.
I told him I would prefer to breastfeed and if there wasn't enough then I would supplement with formula. Then he told me he would want me to give my extra supply to his newborn daughter. He even said that since I am already lactating I can start pumping now to give it to her.
I said I was not comfortable with that but he started to guilt me by telling me that it's not fair for his child to not get the amazing benefits that breastmilk has to offer. I understand it's not fair that she doesn't have a present mother but my boyfriend and I had agreed that I will be like a good friend to both his daughters and that their parenting is not my responsibility.
He was also upset because in the past I have donated blood which goes to strangers but I won't do this for his child. I would like to clarify I only donated about 3 or 4 times and stopped because I wouldn't feel great after due to low iron. So in a way I prioritized my health first over donating to others.
On one hand I understand that he wants the best for his daughter but on the other hand it's my body.
Maybe I would be comfortable donating breast milk in the future but not anytime soon. I would want my own child fully fed and weaned off first and I would ideally only wanna donate after I'm done having all my kids (2 or 3).
I also dont want to be feeding more than one baby because I want to go back to my pre pregnancy body ASAP and have the least amount to stretch marks and deflated/sagginess. AITA for only wanting to breastfeed my own child?
PS he also said if I breastfeed his daughter, she is more likely to look like me and feel less insecure about her body. He doesn't want his younger child to be overweight like his older child. He says she feels bad that the tops I wore pre-pregnancy are the same size as his 8 year old would wear.
I told him that her and his weight issues can likely be resolver with a good diet plan and that genes don't work like that? (I might be wrong though). He also said if I refuse to give the extra milk to his daughter then he doesn't want me wearing Brandy Melville because that's my favorite store but he claims its toxic.
Let's see what readers thought:
vik0 writes:
This whole dynamic is weird and it's very unreasonable of him to ask this of you. Where is the child's mother? What has giving blood got to do with anything? What's the age gap between you? What has a clothing store got to do with any of this? Is he always this controlling? SO many questions but ultimately, no you are NTA
fawer writes:
There is so much wrong here! Idk much about babies either, but I do know breast milk or formula will not in any way impact if this child is overweight later in life. That's my first issue.
My second issue is the massive power imbalance if ur 23 and he's 33 and u been together for 5 yrs now. I were literally, just barely an adult when u started dating a man who was already 28 years old. Wow!
palce writes:
I'm sorry, this is going to be long.. Your boyfriend sounds like an idiot. I'm just going to say a couple things before saying the important stuff. Where is the birth mother for the newborn? Breastfeeding will not make her look like you, that's just not how it works.
Technically, breastfeeding two babies will help you lose the baby weight faster, though that's absolutely not a reason to do it. How long have you guys been together?
Colostrum is one of the most important nutrients a newborn child can receive from its mother, which usually comes in within the first week-ish of starting to breastfeed, something that is very important for YOUR baby to get. If you start breastfeeding the other child before you even have the baby, you will not have the colostrum for your baby.
He tells you that you can't wear Brandy Melville if you don't breastfeed his daughter because IT'S toxic?! You sound like a sweet young girl who just doesn't know what to believe. You do not owe this man anything. He chose to have sex with someone without a condom while you guys were broken up and in turn got someone pregnant.
This sounds like a him problem. Did he ever discuss the baby becoming part of your family, or did it just happen? It sounds like he wants you to mother this child, a thing you don't sound comfortable doing.
I will say that if you are having a baby with this man and choosing to stay with him, there's kind of a unspoken agreement that you guys become a family, which means sharing the responsibilities of raising children together.
If you are not comfortable doing that, perhaps a relationship with this man isn't a super great idea.
He's guilting you into doing something you're uncomfortable doing, then also trying to neg you into doing (or not doing) even more. This man sounds like a trash human. Please, please consider whether or not you want to let your child grow up in a household like that.
floaun1 writes:
Girl. Youre literally about to have another one in like 8ish weeks. Its not about to get easier. He has a mommy for his kids and your oblivious ass is focused on the fact he's stupid and doesn't want you to buy a certain brand of clothing.