'AITAH for not going to my cousin's wedding?'

"AITAH for not going to my cousins wedding?"

I feel like this is a really complicated story, so I will try to explain it as well as possible. To start, my cousins (there's 10 of us total on my dads side) have been pretty close our whole lives.

Because 3 cousins lived a few states away, we only really saw them a few times a year, but especially in the summers during the 4th of July (it was our grandpas birthday). We were inseparable the week they were in.

All of the cousins did everything together, swim, play games, go to the movies, sleepovers. Growing up, I looked forward to summers specifically because my cousins would come in. Then as we grew up, we saw each other less, but still made a point to meet up. We all still got along really well and laughed when we were together.

Fast forward to a couple years ago, my one cousin got married and invited the whole family. This wedding was on New Years Day and it was an 11 hour trip in the car, but obviously we would be there for her on her wedding day. It was beautiful and so much fun! Of the 10 cousins, only 6 of us were at that wedding (the bride and her two siblings, me, and two of my siblings).

Throughout the years, the father of the bride has clearly shown to be hmphobic and tr@nsph0bic, so he invited his brother (my uncle) but not my other 2 cousins (one of which was tr@nsgder), so we weren't new to people not being invited/included.

But of the cousins that were invited, we all received +1's. My boyfriend came, but my sister-in-law was the maid of honor in another wedding and my sisters boyfriend couldn't take work off to come. Anyway, beautiful wedding, had a great time.

Meanwhile the following year her sister gets engaged. It all seemed normal until one day we were telling our cousins how excited we were for the wedding, and when my sister mentioned how her and her boyfriend (of 8 years) were so excited, they seemed to get quiet.

I thought nothing of it in that moment, but my sister felt like her boyfriend wouldn't be invited. I genuinely thought she was wrong, there could be no way they wouldn't include one person, especially him, he's been around for way longer than most of our significant others.

So everyone got their invitations, but multiple people said they weren't able to make it. My aunt and uncle would be on a cruise and my other aunt and uncle didn't travel. That's four people we knew weren't coming.

My sister, still living at my parents, noticed that her boyfriends name wasn't on the invitation, but I said how she probably has to add him on the website. I RSVPd and said yes, and so did my brother. But then when my parents and sister went to the website, she didn't have a plus one.

So me, being me, thought that has to be a mistake. I texted my cousin and said "hey we were just wondering how to add him as a plus one". She proceeded to tell me how her fiancé's side of the family had so many cousins, so they only gave +1's to those that lived together, but if theres a certain amount of declines, he will be included.

Here's some details that make this story better..... My sister has been with her boyfriend for 8 years. So to say he is part of the family is an understatement. Out of the 10 cousins, he is the 2nd longest relationship. He has been around for so long, I genuinely see him as a brother. But no, they chose not to invite him.

They invited my cousins girlfriend who had only been in the family less than a year. But I guess because they "live together" it was okay.

My sister and her boyfriend have wanted to live together for so long. But her boyfriends father passed away when he was about 12 and he still lives at home with his mom to help pay bills.

My cousins have money! It's not like they had a very small wedding and tried to save money. My uncle (the homophobe and transphobe) is a millionaire. It is very clear that they have a lot of money, so it definitely wasn't that.

When I texted my cousin, they already knew people couldn't come (my 2 aunts and 2 uncles). So why wouldn't they just include him at that point?

My dad had mentioned to my grandma that this was happening, and she was not happy. If he wasn't invited, it meant a lot of people weren't going, including my dad. My grandma said if my dads not going, she's not.

My cousins doubled down, and assured us that he was not invited. So I changed my RSVP and so did my brother. Then my mom and dad, and other brother wrote that they weren't going.

So they had the wedding and we didn't go. My grandma did end up going. But now it's caused this tension in the family and I'm not sure if it'll ever change back. At the end of the day, we all had my sisters boyfriends back. He is like a brother to all of us. He has gone through so much in his life and works so hard to help his mom, to be the only one not invited was so wrong.

I'm curious what everyone here thinks. I understand not everyone gives +1's and there are times when +1s aren't appropriate. But is this one of those times??? Or is this absolutely crazy?

Let's see what readers thought:

afahg12 writes:

NAH. You can choose to not go to a wedding for whatever reason you want. It is an invitation, not a demand.

She can invite and not invite whomever she wants, regardless of how people feel about it. It is her and her partners wedding.

Side note: I find it odd that you would make a point of not going because a plus one was left out, but yet had no problem attending a wedding when 2 people were left out because of clear bigotry. Strange that you wouldn't be upset over THAT