"AITA for asking for an apology when MIL was caught lying about me to family?"

MIL and I used to have a bad relationship. I’d say it’s neutral now. We don’t really see her much but we don’t fight anymore. Around the time we got married MIL lost her mind. She began behaving very erratically, not sleeping or eating. Then she realized our wedding was a month after her 40th birthday and decided she was going to outdo our wedding.

It became a really toxic competition. I was young at the time and got hurt pretty easily and it out a damper on my wedding planning because everything I got she got something better. Her birthday dress was so much prettier than mine and at the time I was a broke 21 year old and it was devastating.

The day of her party I went to check on her and found her cutting her dress up. I asked what she was doing and she just said she didn’t want to wear it anymore. I was in shock but not my dress so not my problem.

She met some guy a few years later and moved. We don’t really talk anymore and visit maybe every other year for like three days. Well on our last visit I found out that she had told her sister at the time that I cut up the dress and that’s why her sister hates me. I found this out because her sister was joking about how she wants my house to burn down and how she wants to make me suffer for the dress.

I told her sister that was a lie and MIL did that herself. The sister confronted MIL who cried and said she couldn’t remember who cut it. Finally she admitted she cut it and lied because she couldn’t explain why she did it. To be honest I think she did it because she was mad she couldn’t be the bride. She was super weird with her own wedding dress.

Anyway her sister shrugged it off and I said it was embarrassing and asked her for an apology. Her husband snapped at me and said why would I embarrass her and I have no empathy. Her sister said i need to let it go because obviously she was embarrassed. I did but I don’t think I was an asshole for asking.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Pac_Eddy said:

NTA. When getting caught in a lie, the LEAST the offender should do is apologize. Her family is enabling her to continue this awful behavior. Sorry you're going through this. Can't be easy on you.

l3Lu3b3rr1 said:

Your mother in law sounds soon horrible. NTA. Also how can you let something go when someone "jokes" about burning your house down, that is not even funny. Honestly if your husband is cool with it. I would go no contact with her till you get that apology

Perfect-Resident940 said:

She was hoping for your house to burn down then realized you didn’t do anything wrong and it’s all good? People are wild. NTA.

photosbeersandteach said:

NTA. Embarrassed is how you’re supposed to feel when you get caught doing something wrong, it doesn’t excuse your actions or from being held accountable. But I would let go of the apology and just keep your distance. Hubby can attend family functions, but I would always be busy.

And Interesting-End1710 said:

NTA Sister is "joking" about burning your house down over the dress incident, but as soon as it's revealed MIL was lying and did it herself, they still hate you and say your just trying to embarrass her?! What in the actual hell?! No, throw the trash out of your life and go NC.

What does husband have to say about all of this? If he's not doing anything to stop this behavior, he's enabling it, and it's time for a serious talk. Does MIL maybe have an undiagnosed mental issue? No excuse for her behavior either way. Sorry you've got this to deal with.