'AITA for approaching women at the bar while my wife was talking another man?' 'I felt like a third wheel.'
"AITA for approaching women at the bar while my wife was talking another man?"
My wife (35f) and I (36m) went to a bar last weekend for some drinks and dancing. When we got inside, I told my wife I needed to use the restroom and gave her some cash to go but us some drinks.
After I used the restroom, I find her at the bar with our drinks and she is chatting with another man. I have no issues with this. I approach my wife, grab my drink, and try to join in on the conversation. I felt so awkward standing there as this guy had no idea who I was, and my wife didn’t introduce me.
So, I stick out my hand to introduce myself as her husband and the guy just blankly stares at me and give me a limped wrist hand-shake. My wife and the guy continue their conversation and discussing their favorite bars in the neighborhood.
I felt like a third wheel there, and it felt like my voice was being ignored. I decided to leave those two to talk and I approached two women also sitting across the bar and make friendly conversation.
The one was wearing a band t-shirt of one of my favorite bands, so we were talking about that. My wife saw this and began giving me the death stare. She then left the guy at the bar and pulled me away from those two women. It was quite awkward.
My wife and I discussed what happened. I explained that I felt like third wheel with her and the guy at the bar. They were ignoring the things I said, and she didn’t even introduce me when I came up to them. I wanted to have some fun conversing with some new people, like she was doing, which I why I started talking to the two women at the bar.
I told my wife that her speaking with that guy and me speaking with the women are the same situation, except she did not even try to join the conversation I was in. It’s not like we were discussing anything inappropriate. Literally, just music, specifically that band the women was wearing a t-shirt of.
We have discussed this at length, and she claims they are totally different situations because I had to approach those women, where she was already seated and the guy approached her. I am over this situation and ready to move on, but my wife cannot let it go and has been giving me the cold shoulder since that night. So, AITA in this situation?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
B_AN_G said:
NTA. I find it funny that you approached your wife at the bar and she ignored you. Weird how she couldn’t do that with a stranger. Also, you even approached two women who were together which I believe is less intimate than having a one on one convo with the opposite sex at a bar.
ItalianIce603 said:
NTA. Maybe he approached her, and that makes it different in her eyes, but the minute you came over she should have introduced you as her husband and brought you up to speed on the conversation.
I would consider that a huge breach of relationship etiquette. If she doesn't want you chatting with other women then she shouldn't have made you the 3rd wheel in her convo. Its also BS that she's giving you the cold shoulder over a situation she caused.
Lazuli_Rose said:
NTA. She's a hypocrite. If your wife doesn't introduce you to her new "friend" I wouldn't stick around being ignored either.
uberprodude said:
NTA, I'm struggling to understand what your wife wanted you to do in that situation. Take part in a conversation in which you were being ignored? Stand near and wait for her and that other guy to finish their conversation? How would she have felt if those women approached you?
Several_Ferret_8246 said:
NTA, and your wife is playing games. Enjoy the cold shoulder and do what you want to do. She’ll either get into it (and things go back to normal), or she won’t (and you split). Either way, you win.
SupermarketOk9538 said:
NTA. Your wife is selfish and be honest, I would fear to see her going alone to night out with friends. I mean if she behavior like this with her husband around, imagine how she act with males alone when she is out...And the fact that she had the face to criticism you, is a huge red flag. Be warned and prepared, she has the keys to be the perfect cheater...
abgry_krakow87 said:
NTA, her "rules for thee, but not for me" bs is unacceptable. If she can't handle it, then she has no right to complain.