'AITA for arguing with my wife over her preferring to sleep with a body pillow over me?' UPDATED

"AITA for arguing with my wife over her preferring to sleep with a body pillow over me?"

So my wife gave birth 8 months ago. During he pregnancy she was having trouble sleeping so I bought her a pregnancy body pillow that was a lot more comfortable for her. However even after giving birth she prefers sleeping with the body pillow rather than me. She just says she's used to it and finds it more comfortable to sleep with.

Maybe I'm being just being dramatic but it feels like she just doesn't want to sleep with me. I'm often sleeping near the edge of the bed using a separate blanket and I just feel a lot more lonely.

I brought all this up with her and she told me that I'm "being more of a baby than our new born" with all this and to just deal with it. This led to a big fight where we were both yelling at each other. I don't think either of us said anything particularly hurtful but it's not the norm in our relationship to raise our voices like we did and argue for as long as we did.

Outside of this our relationship is more or less fine. I mean I obviously still love her and I'm sure she still loves me. Basically AITA for starting an argument over something like this?

This is the pillow I bought (removed link since people think I'm trying to sell the pillows lol)- https://imgur.com/a/fGeD2N0 (Please click this link before commenting, I think some people have misunderstood what I meant as body pillow. The one she has is more like 2 body pillows + a regular pillow)

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

YTA a body pillow doesn’t move around, roll, breathe in her face, create intense heat. It’s not like she’s sleeping with another person, it’s a pillow made for sleeping. You’re being extremely sensitive. Ask for a compromise, cuddle for 5 mins in bed then roll into your own spots and devices

Grimlocklou said:

NAH. People have different sleep needs. I hate body warmth and sleep year round with a light blanket. My husbands the opposite. We use our own blankets, he’ll cuddle me every so often until I can’t take it and tell him, he gets it. He discussed this with me early on so I make an effort to snuggle with him a few times a month or more. He appreciates it, I enjoy it until I’m too hot.

marilyjen65 said:

NAH, especially if you were used to cuddling regularly at night. My husband and I sleep practically glued to each other, it’s just our preference, it helps us sleep better and we use each other as our own personal body pillows. If he were to one day just suddenly decide that he wanted to sleep with a body pillow instead of me I would probably be a bit hurt (more like surprised since I’m so used to sleeping with him).

However, I would probably understand and if that’s what would help him sleep through the night, then fine. Him getting a good nights sleep is more important to me than being able to cuddle with him all night. Instead of yelling and arguing at each other, try to find some sort of compromise with your wife.

No, you’re not being over dramatic and the people trying to invalidate your feelings are the true assholes. She’s your wife, of course you’re going to want to cuddle with her. I would personally also be feeling a bit rejected if I felt like a third wheel to my partner and their body pillow, while I’m just barely hanging off the bed.

TalaBlack said:

NTA, your need for intimacy is completely valid and your relationship began with a different foundation when it came to bedtime rituals. Some things to consider: are you still comfortable in your bed? Are there ways to get the affection you need in a different way/at another time of day? Does she normally call you a baby when you bring up concerns show vulnerable behavior?

And OP responded:

I mean I'm comfortable enough to fall asleep but not as much as I'd like to be if that makes sense. We both work longer hours than normal so we usually only see each other for dinner and on weekends.

On weekends we might cuddle while watching TV or something which is fine. No this was just a one time thing which I kind of understand since she may have also been frustrated over me starting an argument over this.

And i_AV8er said:

YTA. Sleep is sleep. If she needs to do a specific thing to get a good nights rest while waking up to take care of the newborn, let her do it. Don't force what you want on her.

Edit from OP:

Some people seem to think that I'm jealous of the pillow. This isn't the case. I don't think she loves a pillow more than me. I just would prefer we sleep together and not with a pillow between us.

Edit 2:

I didn't think this was relevant but just so you guys know we have a nanny that takes care of the child from Sunday - Thursday. We both take turns on Friday and Saturday nights when we have to so it's not like I'm expecting her to do everything. Also I am not asking her to cuddle with me all night or let me spoon her or vice versa. I just would like it if there wasn't a pillow between us.

https://imgur.com/a/NXq3PC4 - blue is the pillow

He later shared this update:

So a bit of a weird update since my wife actually saw this thread through her coworker. (e: to clarify, the coworker didn't know that it was about my wife, she was just sharing an interesting thread) She texted me asking if I was looking to buy a new bed and I said yes without thinking much of it. She then linked me this thread and said we would talk later that night (not in a bad way).

We sat down and she apologized for calling me a baby and I apologized for starting a fight over something so small. She said that she really enjoys the pillow but we can get rid of it and sleep together instead. I told her this isn't necessary and that I would deal with it but she insisted.

I've ordered her a new body pillow that just covers one side of her that she could put on the opposite side of me so hopefully everyone can be comfortable. Everything worked out and we have been sleeping together for the past couple weeks now.

The new body pillow came in and is on the opposite side of her. She switches between me and the pillow every now and then and it's not a big deal. A lot more comfortable to sleep now too haha. Thanks to everyone who Pmed me giving me advice as well as those giving advice in the comments.

I tried to emphasize this as much as I could in the comments but seriously my wife and I never fight and this was extremely out of the norm for us. Everything is good now though and we are going to start doing date nights again on Saturday and it's been going well. Feels more like our relationship when it was just starting out in the "honey moon" period kinda thing.

But yeah, everything's fine now. To be honest it was always fine, this was just a minor thing that some how got blown out of proportion. I barely remember but I think we were both just stressed with work that day so we ended up getting into a silly fight.

Seriously I love my wife so hopefully no judgement by you guys on the one comment she said back then. She's honestly a really good person! I made an update thread a few weeks back but was a few days early for the minimum and someone commented on the old thread a few days ago so I remembered to repost the update thread today with a few more updates. Thanks everyone :)