'AITA for asking my GF to split the hotel bill after her friends crashed our romantic getaway?' UPDATED
"AITA for asking my GF to split the hotel cost after she invited her friends without telling me?"
So, I recently took my girlfriend, "Emily," on a weekend trip to a popular beach town. I booked a nice hotel room for us to enjoy a romantic getaway. Everything was great until the second night when Emily invited her two friends, "Lara" and "Kate," to hang out with us. She didn't tell me they were coming, and I was a bit surprised but went along with it.
Things got even more awkward when they decided to crash in our hotel room because they didn’t want to pay for their own. I was annoyed but didn’t want to cause a scene. The room was cramped with four people, and it definitely wasn’t the romantic getaway I had planned.
The next morning, I told Emily I wasn’t comfortable with her friends staying for free and that I felt they should chip in for the room. Emily got defensive and said it was rude to ask them for money since they’re her friends. I argued that it was unfair for me to cover the entire cost when I only planned for the two of us, and she invited them without consulting me.
Emily eventually asked Lara and Kate if they could help with the cost. They were taken aback but agreed reluctantly. However, Emily was still upset with me, saying I embarrassed her in front of her friends and that I should have just let it go.
When we got back home, Emily told our mutual friends what happened, and now some of them think I was being unreasonable and cheap. Others think I had a point and that Emily should have asked before inviting her friends to stay.
AITA for asking my girlfriend and her friends to split the hotel cost after they crashed our romantic getaway?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. From what you said, you were the one paying for this hotel room, not your girlfriend. Lara and Kate aren’t your friends, they’re Emily’s. So they’re getting to stay in a hotel room off of your dime, not hers.
I’d personally feel super uncomfortable sharing a hotel room with the friends of my girlfriend when my intention and plan was to just have a romantic time with my girlfriend.
I’m not sure how long you’ve been dating, but frankly, Emily’s decision to invite them without consulting you, and subsequent decisions and reactions to them staying in the hotel room with you were disrespectful.
She’s more concerned about being “embarrassed” (a situation she put herself in) than she is you not being taken advantage of? I don’t want to suggest breaking up, but keep her behavior and reaction in mind for the future.
experiment_ad_4 OP responded:
Indeed and Idk if it's right but I think I should be the one who should be little upset with her for ruining our date and not the other war around.
You should be more than a little upset. You planned a romantic getaway. Why did she invite her friends? I am guessing she is not into you. Either that or she is an immature party girl. Either way prob time to move on.
experiment_ad_4 OP responded:
I mean usually she is very helpful, kind and caring, compassionate towards me so i think she is into me. This is you can say one off instance but still like you guys said it's not my fault. You guys are great thank you all for your advices though.
I haven't seen many people point it out. But pay attention to the fact she went around to all of your friends about this to spin the narrative against you. She didn't talk to you about it, she tried to send flying monkeys your way.
experiment_ad_4 OP responded:
Hmm good point. Now idk if it was intentional or not because we usually hangout with mutual friends and share a lot of stuff with each other whether it's funny, embarrassing or sad. You are kinda right if all she wanted was to spin the narrative around my friends.
NTA, but your gf seems to suck. It’s abnormal to invite friends on a couples holiday, and even worse to expect them to be able to share your room.
experiment_ad_4 OP responded:
Exactly and what's worse is her getting upset and blaming me when i think it should be other way around.
Run. This girl is pumping you for cash and trying to take her friends along for the ride, I'd have said "no" the second those other two gals showed up. "Hey, I planned for a romantic getaway, what're they doing here?"
She made this shitty situation so any awkwardness has to fall on her. Don't protect her from the situation she created But I also think you asking for money is your way of expressing discontent, and I think you could be more direct
This post reminded me of another one I read on here. OP, if you see a lot of similarities between what is happening to you and what happened to this other OP…yeah, go find someone who won’t treat you like a 3rd wheel in your own relationship.
experiment_ad_4 OP responded:
Indeed I am now more alert and keeping open mind from now. Btw Thanks for sharing those posts.
One month later OP came back with this update:
Thanks to everyone who weighed in on my original post. I thought the situation was resolved after our trip, but things have gotten much more complicated since then.
After we got back, Emily and I seemed to be on better terms, but something still felt off. A couple of days later, I found out why. I started getting weird vibes from Kate, one of the friends who stayed with us at the hotel. She was being extra flirty with me whenever we hung out in our friend group, which was completely out of character for her.
Then, out of the blue, Kate sent me a string of messages late one night, confessing that she had developed feelings for me during the trip. She claimed that watching me stand up to Emily and handle the whole situation made her see me in a different light. She even admitted that she’d been trying to get my attention all weekend, but I was too focused on the awkwardness to notice.
I was shocked and immediately shut her down, telling her that I’m committed to Emily and that this wasn’t appropriate. Kate apologized and said she’d keep her distance, but the whole thing left me feeling really uneasy.
Here’s where it gets even messier. A few days later, I noticed Emily was being distant and cold again. I thought it was just lingering tension from the trip, but then she confronted me, saying she had seen some of the messages Kate sent me.
I had nothing to hide, so I showed her the full conversation, but instead of calming down, Emily blew up at me. She accused me of leading Kate on and trying to "make her jealous" on purpose during the trip.
No matter how much I tried to explain that I wasn’t interested in Kate and had no idea she felt that way, Emily refused to believe me. She started bringing up random moments from the trip, claiming I paid more attention to Kate than I did to her, and suggesting I was somehow responsible for Kate’s feelings.
Now, Emily is being incredibly passive-aggressive, throwing jabs at me about “how easy it is for me to attract attention,” and making snide comments whenever we’re with our friends. The worst part is that she hasn’t confronted Kate about it at all; instead, she’s channeling all her frustration toward me.
Our relationship feels quite complex and I don’t know how to fix this. I’m starting to wonder if this whole mess would’ve been avoided if I hadn’t asked for the money in the first place, or if it’s just exposed deeper issues between us.
AITA for asking my girlfriend and her friends to split the hotel cost, or did I unintentionally set off a chain reaction I couldn’t control?
Here's what people had to say after the update:
Time to move on. There is nothing but drama in your relationship, and I don't see a way to get through this. Your gf sucks and you are better off without her. You're also pretty dumb for not telling her about Kate's text as soon as it happened.
experiment_ad_4 OP responded:
Yeah. "You're also pretty dumb for not telling her about Kate's text as soon as it happened." I thought they will fight which will eventually create another drama.
So…. how’s that going?
experiment_ad_4 OP responded:
It still created drama 🥲
Bruh, PLEASE. Just end this. They’ve shown you who they really are. You deserve so much better.