'AITA for asking my mom to pay to attend my wedding?' 'Everything ends up being $200-250 a person.'

"AITA for asking my mom to pay to attend my wedding?"

My (f28) mom chose to abandon her parental rights when I was 10 months old to be with a man she met and move states away. She came back into my life when I was 4 (they broke up) and was in and out of my life my entire childhood.

When she would come back into my life she was extremely abusive both emotionally and physically. My father was also not perfect, he was an alcoholic, I had been put into foster care a few times, and my mom never showed up to any of the court dates.

When I was 14, she found God and remarried an extremely hardcore religious man she met at church. Her husband has always hated me, told me that I couldn’t live with them because I didn’t follow the path of God. They’ve never helped me with anything financially, she never even paid child support.

Fast forward to two years ago, her and her husband have had 3 daughters (aged 12, 10, and 7 as of right now) my mom asks me to buy her restaurant for $25,000. It started to get to the point where she was begging me, trying to tell me that it was a great business investment, that she had so many offers and wanted to keep it in the family.

She said I would be making $100,000 a year. She didn’t know her husband had texted me months earlier saying that their business was failing, and he wanted me to help them turn their business around. I told her I was sick of her only contacting me when she needed something.

She then had my sisters call me and leave me voicemails asking why I was ignoring them and wouldn’t come visit. I got engaged in June of last year and my fiancés family offered to put in $15,000 for the wedding, my dad matched that and my fiancé and I are putting in around $10,000.

My fiancé has a huge family and I only have about ten people on my dad’s side. My mom found out about our wedding from Facebook and offered to fly out my aunts, her daughter, and both of my grandparents.

They all live in Thailand so I was really grateful to be able to have them there, I’ve always had a pretty good relationship with them and wouldn’t be able to afford to pay for all of their flights here without her. I was ready to bury the hatchet just to have them attend.

My dad’s family made it very clear that they didn’t want to pay for her and her family. I asked her if she could pay for just herself, her husband, and her family and she told me she could only give me $1,000 because she has to pay for her kids’ private school.

With catering, bar, and rentals everything ends up being around $200-250 a person. When I told her this she said that I should expect that everything else would be paid off by gifts from guests.

I don’t want to seem ungrateful and selfish for telling my own mom and family that they can’t come to my wedding because they won’t give us enough money, but I really don’t want to have other people (especially my father) pay for her to be there when she’s never helped me with anything in the past. AITA for telling her she can’t come unless she gives us more money?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

ChocolateM1lk1e said:

NTA, but her money isn't worth it. She's lucky she even got an invite to your wedding.

Prize-Juggernaut-810 said:

NTA but do you even want her there? I personally wouldn’t ask her to pay but wouldn’t invite her. It seems like it will be more trouble than it’s worth and potentially stir some drama at your wedding.

DazzlingDaisey said:

NTA. Asking her to pay her way isn’t asking for too much after all that history. It’s your wedding, and she should’ve thought about this way before. You’re not responsible for her financial struggles.

Anxious_Ideal_6207 said:

ESH. Your mum sucks for wanting to inveigle her way in to your wedding considering she’s done bugger all for you. Your dad’s family sucks for not wanting to pay for her. They aren’t paying for her specifically, they are contributing towards the cost of your wedding.

You suck for wanting to have her there but not treating her as you are treating every other guest. Either accept the money she’s offering, pay for her and other family members as you are for all your other guests or just don’t invite them.

Nyctocincy said:

YTA. You either want her at your wedding or not. If the answer is "I only want her at my wedding if she, unlike my other guests, pays for her and her family for the privilege," then you don't want her there and you should just say that. If you want her there but can't afford it, say that.

This is not just for her sake, but yours as well. A wedding is just one day, but my guess is this is supposed to be the start of a new type of adult relationship with your mother. Good luck!

Ok_History2012 said:

NTA - but take no-one's money. Have a wedding you pay. It might not be so flashy but you get to control who is invited and for what reason.

spymatt said:

NTA and it sounds like you don't want her there. I mean, she found out through Facebook, not an official invite.