'AITA for asking my sister why did her husband leave her if she is such a perfect wife and mother?'
"AITA for asking my sister why did her husband leave her if she is such a perfect wife and mother?"
I (30F) had my first baby 8 months ago and am already back to work. I own several beauty salons with my husband and we both agreed that when our child is born, we will rely on the help of a nanny that we have known for years so I can continue working. Our baby boy is very happy, we the parents are also very happy and life is great overall.
Last week my sister (35F) came by our house to drop something and she happened to come just when I was returning from work. Nothing out of the ordinary happened and I assumed everything was cool.
Yesterday we went to our parents place to have a cup of coffee and agree on some things for the Christmas dinner and my sister started making comments that she feels so bad that my husband and son are lacking 'the proper care and attention' a wife and a mother should give to her family.
She was telling this to my husband in front of me and our parents. I did not have a chance to say anything because my husband told her he and our son are not lacking anything and asked her where she got that idea from.
My sister explained that last week when she came to our house and I was just returning from work, she saw how I looked, that I had make up on, my hair was done, my nails were perfect and it showed that I was very concerned about superficial things instead of being a good mother and wife.
Husband said her remarks are just plain stupid since I have always been like this, this is part of my identity and if I look good and am concerned with my looks it does not mean I am not a good wife or mother.
My sister continued saying that as parents who have a boy we should be concerned the example we give to him because he has to learn to appreciate women for other qualities other than looks.
She even said my husband has no idea what he is talking about because he doesn't know what he is missing out yet. I was already angry at this point so I asked her if that was the case, why did her husband leave her?
She pays no attention to her looks, based on her messed up ideas she has all the qualities of a dedicated wife and mother but still her ex husband left her and willingly wanted to miss out her perfect ass. She started crying and shouting and dad kicked her out. Mom was trying to make us both apologise but dad was not having it and asked her to leave.
Today my sister sends me a novel explaining all the reasons why I am the AH. She claims it was cruel of me to mention her ex husband leaving her when she was just worried for her brother in law and nephew.
She claims I am the AH because dad kicked her out of their house yesterday and is taking my side. I have not responded to her message yet because I am still angry. I admit I may have been cruel to her but she was insulting me ao she had it comming.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA because she opened the topic for discussion. If we are not all allowed to out our opinions in on other peoples families, then why was she insisting on doing that? It's her standard you were going with when she insisted on it.
She opened the door, then propped it open. You just walked through it. Who made her the expert on family integrity when there’s no problem needing a resolve? And who made her the relationship guru? You’re in the right.
Piece of advice I’ve used over the years and has been very effective. “Write it when you’re hot, send it when you’re not” You should write your response when you’re pissed but don’t send it. Wait until you calm down, re-read it, and either send it, amend it, or delete it, as you feel appropriate.
NTA. I may be way off the mark here but I get the feeling she was trying to plant a seed in your husband's mind that you aren't committed to your family and he'd be better off with someone else. Like her. Either way... reeks of jealousy and you are 100% NTA.
NTA.. She opened up Pandora's box and you closed it. It reminds me of when my boss wanted me to travel a lot and gave me advice on how to "manage my wife." I listened and then responded, "Aren't you divorced twice?". He laughed and then said, "Never mind.
Nta and I’m glad dad made her leave and hubby stood up for you. Sounds like she doesn’t want you to be happy and must destroy you to make herself feel better.
Classic FAFO. Or as we used to say, “Can’t stand the heat? Then get out of the kitchen.” Well done stomping out the disrespect. And props to pops for putting his foot down. NTA.
What part of “I own several beauty salons with my husband” does sister not understand? Makeup, hair and nails are part of OP’s work with her husband. Sister was criticizing OP’s entire life.
Nice that she's more "worried" about her BIL than her own sister. Classic "women tearing other women down to feel better about themselves." As a woman, I'm so sick of this mentality!
NTA. Some people who are unhappy just want everyone around them to be unhappy too. Her marriage failed, so perhaps she wants yours to fail as well. She likely sees your life and success as a judgement on her own life.