'AITA for not attending my ex-best friend’s wedding?' 'She simply cannot stand by and watch me ruin my life.'

"AITA for not attending my ex-best friend’s wedding?'

I (33M) have been with my partner (32M) for about eight years. We got married in 2023, and more than anything I wanted my (then) best friend (32F) to be my “Best Woman” at the ceremony.

My partner, let’s call him Tyler, and my ex-bestie (let’s call her Missy) haven’t ever had a good relationship and part of that is my fault. Tyler is a great guy; funny, charismatic, sweet.

But he’s also loyal to a fault and very protective of me. He’s never liked Missy because she would always flake on plans, expect me to buy things, etc. Conversely, Missy never liked Tyler because he has a very unique way of showing affection; mainly by roasting me, which I don’t mind and actually find endearing.

We got engaged in July of 2022 and I was ecstatic. I immediately reached out to Missy to tell her the good news and inform her that I wanted her to be my best woman at the ceremony. Instead of being met with happiness, she was cold. She didn’t even pretend to be excited for me, but I blew it off because she had some personal things going on at the time.

Fast forward to mid-march of 2023, I haven’t spoken to Missy in about a week, the wedding is quickly approaching, and I need to know if she’s still coming. I reached out to her and asked if she was planning to come and what I got was an absolute doozy of a reply.

I don’t want to reiterate the entire message but the jist of it is that she would not be attending the wedding because she believes that Tyler is abusive, that he’s made me compromise who I am, and that she simply cannot stand by and watch me ruin my life.

Suffice it to say that I was furious. I drove to her house that day and retrieved the dress Tyler and I had purchased for her to wear at the ceremony and left without saying a word. She tried to talk to me but I ignored her and simply walked off.

Here’s where I might be the ahole. Her wedding was scheduled for a few weeks after mine and I was supposed to be in the wedding party. I was mad about what she did. Hurt. Betrayed. So I decided to let the petty thoughts get the better of me. I didn’t go.

Months went by without hearing from her, Tyler and I had gone on our honeymoon and were slowly settling into the rhythms of married life when I got another doozy of a message from Missy from out of the blue.

This one, equally as unhinged and unprovoked as the last one, accused me of refusing to take accountability for my actions, being deliberately hurtful by refusing to attend her wedding, and also suggested that I was so brainwashed by my abusive partner that she wanted nothing more to do with me without receiving a genuine apology from me; which she’s not going to ever get. So, lovely people…AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Cursd818 said:

NTA. Why on earth would you attend her wedding after what she did? That wasn't petty. It was the consequences for her bad behavior and unfounded accusations. Just continue to ignore her. She's the one who owes you an apology. Her delusion that you would accept her abuse and still attend her wedding after what she'd said is her problem, not yours.

Charming_Chady21 said:

NTA. It's understandable you're upset with your ex-best friend for her unfounded accusations and lack of support during your wedding. You have every right to choose not to attend her wedding after her behavior towards you.

Couette-Couette said:

NTA. If she really was concerned about your relationship with an abuser, she wouldn't have recontacted you to ask for an apology. She would have recontacted you to know how you are and if you now believe her.

Also even if she was right about your husband, it was quite obvious that not attending your wedding would result in you not attending hers. Only a very self-centered person would have assumed that you would still have attended her wedding after such thing.

Organic_Weekend7205 said:

NTA for not attending Missy’s wedding. Her refusal to support your relationship and her accusations about your partner were hurtful and dismissive of your choices. You made a decision based on her actions and lack of respect for your relationship, which is understandable. Her follow-up message only shows she’s not willing to take responsibility or mend the friendship, reinforcing that your choice was justified.

Sexy_Jones18 said:

NTA - Missy was way out of line with her accusations and behavior. You were completely justified in not attending her wedding after she refused to support yours and made baseless claims about your partner.

Inside_Major_8078 said:

NTA. That woman is unhinged all on her own. Lashing out at you months later?!?! Walk away, block her everywhere and enjoy your life and your partner. No one needs that rubbish in their lives.