'AITA for attending my sister's birth and meeting baby before my parents?'
"AITA for attending my sister's birth and meeting baby before my parents?"
My (35F) little sister (31F) gave birth to her second child late Dec '24. She asked me to be her 2nd birth partner to support her and her husband and I was stoked to agree. Mom thought it was great too.
Some background on my parents (65F, 71M). Mom loves to play the victim. We used to be close, but I don't like playing her therapist anymore. My dad was a workaholic with zero emotional regulation and quick to anger.
Jump to Dec. It was the most amazing and emotional experience to help my sis and she has a calm, natural birth. They made baby's middle name my first name, total honour.
I tried leaving to avoid overstaying but my sister wanted me to stay at the hospital overnight to help her while her husband went back home to their toddler, so I did. It was super special caring for her.
In the lead up my sis told my parents she's not sure if she wants them visiting the hospital or when they first get home. She also sets the "don't come if you're sick and no kissing baby" rule. They're miffed.
Next morning Mom messages me and invites her and dad to have a coffee at the hospital. I say I'll come to our family home but she says no because they are in the middle of packing to move to their property 3 hrs away.
When we meet, my dad is coughing/sick and he goes "so we are going up to meet the baby now?" I say no that's not the plan and you can't meet baby if you are sick. Dad starts yelling in the middle of the hospital cafe saying yes he can because baby already has an immunity from my sister and heaps of babies are born in disgusting conditions around the world.
He then accuses me of subterfuge for being at the birth. He won't stop yelling and demanding to go up to the ward. I tell him he doesn't have my sister's permission and she needs to know he's unwell.
My Mom is all "I told you not to say anything". Dad keeps escalating. I tell dad I'd rather he be NC with me than I go against my sister's boundaries when she's so vulnerable after birth.
He carries on about my conniving subterfuge and manipulation I think for not saying I was at the birth. I then told Dad that my sister asked me 6 months ago, sis had told mom multiple times since and sis told Mom yesterday I was on my way.
Dad looked confused and mum says “I must have forgot”. I went back to the ward without them, warned my sister, said goodbye and made a hasty exit to drive back home, crying the whole way.
My sis ended up letting my parents come into the ward though Dad wasn't allowed near the baby...I then find out they drove back to their property the next day. so it was zero about supporting my sister and her husband. I haven't spoken to my parents since. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Sorry, doesn't make any sense. I'm not even sure why you are involved in all of this. Your sister was undecided whether they could visit or not, so why didn't your parents message your sister or her husband to see if they could come.to the hospital? Why are they messaging you to meet for a coffee and think that you can give them permission?
res3597 (OP)
Difficult to give full details with the character limit. My parents looked after my sister's firstborn while my sister was in labor. When my sister's husband went home he told them they could meet baby the next day after they all got home. That was that.
I live a couple of hours away so Mom asked to get coffee so she could see me before I drove home because I had work the next day. I tried to go to the family home because I knew this was the risk but she was insistent on meeting at the hospital. She either didn't tell dad it was just coffee or he didn't listen.
They didn't ask my permission, dad was just going to go up uninvited and I felt like I had to intervene. It makes zero sense and it all happened so quickly, I felt caught between publicly micromanaging dad's tantrum and my sisters boundaries.
NTA. You agreed to support your sister. That is what you did. If your parents, especially your father, made this all about themselves, that's on them.
NTA but your parents sure are. It’s really sad that even in this day and age, parents can’t just be respectful of their kids and their wishes or understand that the ways of the world have changed for reasons, like oh I don’t know, modern medicine has come a long way and we know foreign germs on a fresh baby can be deadly???
Your parents are massive aholes and good examples of how not to be and how not to act. NTA.
Sounds like your mom’s plan was to sneak your sick dad in to see the baby. NTA.
Nothing brings out bad behavior and disrespect like weddings and babies.🤦♀️ No… you are NTA. The new parents get to make the call regarding who is in the room for the birth, and then who visits them and their new baby, and when they get to do so.
Even if others think the guidelines established by the parents are silly, it’s still up to the parents to decide. Good for you for advocating for your sister and her wishes. Your dad owes you an apology for yelling at you in the middle of a public place. NTA.