New mom bans MIL from seeing baby ever again. 'Posting my baby to shame your daughter? Not happening.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my aunt she can’t use my baby to 'fix' her relationship with her daughter?"
I (27f) had my first baby 3 months ago. It’s been rough, I'm not going to lie. I'm sleep deprived, overwhelmed, the usual new parent mess. My fiancé’ is great, but our families have been... a lot.
Anyway, my aunt (50s?) lives a few states over. I was close to her as a kid, she’s my mom’s sister, but we hadn’t talked much in recent years. I always knew her relationship with her daughter (my cousin, 25f) was super rocky. Like yelling matches, passive aggressive Facebook posts, no contact phases. Trauma olympics kinda stuff. I don’t even know the full backstory, but it’s bad.
So, my aunt comes to “meet the baby” last week. It was the first time she’s seen me in person in years. At first it is chill. She brings food, holds the baby, takes pics. Then, I notice she’s taking a lot of pictures. Like posing with the baby like it’s a photoshoot. I didn’t think much of it until later that night, when my cousin messages me like “WTF is this.”
It turns out my aunt posted this cringey long facebook post like “there’s no pain like a daughter who turns her back on you but life gives you second chances” with pictures of her holding my baby. and tags me.
I didn’t even see it cause she has me on restricted but my cousin saw it. Apparently people in their circle thought she was talking about adopting or fostering or whatever?? Like it was that dramatic.
I was PISSED. Like you don’t get to use my kid for some weird facebook war with your own daughter. So, I messaged her and told her flat out she needs to delete the post and stop using my baby to play mom on the internet. And she hit back with “I’m sorry you’re so sensitive but that baby is healing for me. You don’t understand how much I’ve lost.”
Like girl. What? No. Not my job. Not my baby’s job.
I told her that, until she gets her business together, she’s not welcome around us.
I don’t need this weird emotional mess near my kid. Now my mom’s mad, saying I should be “compassionate” and that my aunt just wants to feel close to family again. Like, I'm sorry but, post about a sunset or a bible verse or something. Don’t weaponize my newborn. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
“There’s no pain like a daughter who turns her back on you…”
…but let me borrow someone else’s child to stage a fake redemption arc for Facebook likes?? NTA. That’s psychological cosplay and you shut it down.
The fact that she had you restricted on the post (despite tagging you) so you wouldn’t see it absolutely means that she knew what she was doing was wrong and that you wouldn’t like her using your daughter as a prop/weapon.
She hasn’t healed at all. She’s spiraling. A person who was trying to heal would have taken accountability for all the people she hurt & manipulated. If she thinks having access to your baby is healing, then she’s in for a rude awakening when she burns the bridge with you too. NTA.
If you want to be petty, you could also make a post about "family" trying to use children as emotional support babies and as weapons in a war against their biological children. I'm sure Auntie and Mommie Dearest would love that. NTA.
NTA. That's messed up, and it's especially bad that she blocked you from seeing the post. You're 100% correct -- it's not your baby's job to fix her, and your mother's wrong. Send screen shots of those texts to your cousin (if you haven't already).
Your baby is not her emotional support infant. And she’s posting online like baby is hers? Nope. That’s someone that’s losing touch with reality and does not need to be near an infant. Maybe she’s just trying to get her daughter jealous enough to talk to her, but in any case, this is not a healthy situation.
NTA, since you can't see the post have your cousin report it as having posted content without permission. There's plenty of ways to get pictures of your child taken off other people's pages...
As far as your mom, where's her compassion for HER daughters mental health because this is honestly frightening, I'd be scared the aunt would try to snatch my kid. Where's her compassion for HER grandchild's privacy and safety? There was literally no good reason for your aunt to have made that post.
Follow standard crazy family protocol - install cameras, cheap ones work just as well. Rekey or change locks if you feel its absolutely necessary. Send calls to voicemail and mute texts conversations with the aunt and likely mom.
Block any unknown numbers that come your way. Block aunt on social media, there's no good reason to allow her access to any more information on you and baby. Mom gets treated similarly if she becomes a problem as well.
NTA. I hate resorting to FB to shame people’s behavior but a baby is involved and I don’t know how successful you will be threatening legal action. What I would recommend is typing up a post similar to your Reddit post.
Direct it at your aunt. Detail how she came over under false pretenses (meeting the baby) and was only interested in treating your newborn as an emotional support baby. Explain that she took so many pictures and said pictures were uploaded online without your consent.
Remind her that you politely asked her to remove the post and she refused. Sign it off saying you understand she going through something but using your baby is selfish. Make sure to tag your aunt and add as many unflattering photos of her as you can.
That way the whole world knows which aunt you are referring to. If she can upload pictures of other people without their consent so can you. Give it some time for her and her friends to see it and wait for her to blow up your phone demanding you remove your post. If her post and your baby’s pictures remain up feel free to take your time until she removes hers.