Child-free aunt plans trip to Disney for niece's birthday 'without her sibling in tow.' AITA?
"AITA for taking my niece to Disney without her sibling in tow?"
I (30s F) am child-free by choice, but enjoy spending time with kids either in my family or those of my closest friends that call me “Auntie OP.” At varying points, I’ve taken just about all of them to either of the American Disney parks; this year, one of nieces asked if, since she has a big bday coming up, it could be her turn. I told her that I’m 100% down, but that we have to ask her mom.
Here’s the thing- both my niece and her sibling are adopted, with her sibling having been adopted several years before her. 8 years ago, I took the brother & we had a blast. For the last 3 years, I’ve been asking to take my niece, and their mom always gives a BS excuse/dodges my calls/ etc.
It’s also important to note that it’s WIDELY known in my family that she straight up doesn’t like her daughter (refers to her as “that girl,” states that listening to her talk/exist is like nails on a chalkboard, snaps at her constantly for being soft spoken), you get the point.
This year, with it being a milestone, I decided that I’m dead set on making this happen. When I asked again, I made it clear that I would be paying for EVERYTHING, and that there is no reason for her to “stress” about me taking my niece. It’s also widely known that she VASTLY prefers her son to her daughter.
Basically, the excuse I got this year was that it’s not fair to take one kid on a trip and not the other (mind you, I’m taking him to London as a “just us” trip when he turns 18 like he’s asked, and he has already had his Disney trip with Auntie). When I reminded that she had no problem with me taking him years ago, she FLIPPED out...
She told me that I obviously preferred her to him (he’s my godson, and I would take a bullet for him no question), that everyone thinks her daughter is so “perfect,” and that she doesn’t deserve to go anywhere that he doesn’t, and hung up. So, AITA, for wanting to take my niece on a girls trip for her birthday?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
TapResponsible6828 said:
NTA. My wife and I took a similar role with our nieces and nephews. As DINKs (dual income, no kids) in our mid to late 20s, we spent our time and money spoiling our nieces and nephews. Our favorites were trips with all of them at Christmas.
As they got older (and we had our own child) we have transitioned to taking one of the kids along with us on vacations. It’s the most fair way to do it. It gives us quality time with our niblings and each of them know that they will eventually get a trip.
This child’s mother sounds like a total AH. I feel sorry for that poor girl. I mean if the mom dislikes that child so much, I would think she would be grateful that you want to take her on a trip. IMHO, from the limited info, though the mother comes across as jealous of her adoptive daughter. Is there a way that another family member can talk some sense into their mom?
KittikatB said:
NTA. You need to take that girl aside and ask her some detailed questions about her home life. If that's how her mother talks about her to others, how much worse are things when nobody is around? Just reading your post made me want to call children's services to rescue that poor child.
extinct_diplodocus said:
NTA. Raise the stakes. "I've already taken your son to Disney, so I've arranged to take him to England for his 18th birthday. If I'm not allowed to take one of your kids without the other, then I'll have to rethink the England trip."
throwaway4487994 said:
NTA. your sister definitely is. I feel so bad for your niece, but im glad she’s got you!
Sweet_Vanilla46 said:
NTA. Here’s how you play this. Tell her that if you aren’t allowed to bring her daughter at your expense, then you will be telling her son that you won’t be bringing him to London because SHE won’t let his sister have a turn and you can’t take him on two trips and her on none (you don’t have to mean it, just make her understand she’s about to be the bad guy to her favourite child).
ProofReplacement3278 said:
Absolutely NTA. That poor child. You clearly can't take her without mom's permission. The question is then, does she get Disney with her brother, or does she not get Disney at all?
Any_Dragonfruit4130 said:
NTA. If your sister doesn’t let you take her. I would also tell your nephew the trip to London is off. I understand you don’t want to punish your nephew, but your sister dislike for this child should be the hill you die on. I would put a little away for her when she’s 18. She may be desperate by then. Good Luck.