Woman cancels move-in after spotting boyfriend’s secret spreadsheet charges. AITA?
"AITA for backing out of moving in with my boyfriend after secretly checking his 'shared expenses' spreadsheet and realizing he was charging me for stuff he bought for himself?"
I (24F) was supposed to move in with my boyfriend (26M) next month. We’ve been together almost two years, and this was a big step. We agreed early on to split expenses 50/50, and he made a Google Sheet where he’d log shared purchases — groceries, household items, etc. I was sending him money monthly based on that.
The other night he left the spreadsheet open while in the shower. I wasn’t snooping — I literally sat down at his desk, and it was right there. But I noticed some weird line items, so I started scrolling. He’d been adding things like:
- “PS5 controller”
- “Whey protein”
- “Uber to poker night”
- “Steam games”
- “Bluetooth speaker”
- “Beard oil” (???)
All stuff that was clearly just for him. I checked back months and realized I’d been unknowingly covering hundreds of dollars for things that had nothing to do with me. I was so shocked I took photos of the spreadsheet.
When I confronted him, he barely blinked. Said, “Well you use the speaker sometimes,” and “We both benefit from my gym gains.” He acted like I was being petty and said I was “blowing things out of proportion.”
I told him I wasn’t comfortable moving in anymore.
He flipped out — called me dramatic, said I was sabotaging our future over “a few receipts.”
Now our friends are divided. Some say I should’ve just talked to him before making a big decision. Others say it’s a huge red flag. I feel bad, but also…I feel like I dodged a bullet. AITA for walking away?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
“We both benefit from my gym gains” is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen on this sub. That said, idk if this passes the sniff test - why were you sending him money if you don’t move in together till next month? If this is real, run FAR away. NTA.
It’s gonna go from “we both benefited from my gym gains” to “we both benefited from my me cheating because it saved our relationship “.
Holy moly. AND he asks you to mail him money for his expenses? AND he has repeatedly taken the money?!?! He thinks you are stupid, and he is better than you. Wow. That is shocking. Can you imagine when you are pregnant or have a newborn baby? He will hate your figure, and be mad that you are not earning enough money.
THIS was my thought process EXACTLY. Can you imagine? Just her figure? That’s where it starts. Those receipts are gonna pile up. We both benefit from my gains. If I haven’t run into one of these types in the wild? I would never believe it 😂😂 unfortunately I have. Dude is insane.
Start making your own list OP to start charging him for things he’s ‘benefiting’ from you. Time for new clothes, new shoes, uber to girls nights, cosmetics, your phone bill to talk to him, etc see what he says when it’s flipped :)
NTA. You didn't dodge a bullet, you avoided a financial nightmare. His nonchalant attitude about charging you for his personal expenses and his reaction to your concerns are major red flags. Trust your instincts and prioritize your financial well-being.
You almost moved in with a thief who has beeeen stealing hundreds of dollars from you for months...WTF is ' you benefit from my gym gains' supposed to mean? Definitely dodged the bullet.
NTA and the bet if you tried to charge him half your birth control and doctors visits for women’s health he would say no.
like it’s not even just the money, it’s the way he tried to gaslight u after gettin caught?? u been payin for his beard oil and protein powder n he talkin abt “we both benefit” like wym??
that spreadsheet was supposed to be about shared stuff and he deadass used it to scam u. if u moved in he woulda kept doin it or worse, so nah u did the smart thing. better to find out now than be stuck tryna split rent with a man who treats u like a piggy bank.
Girl if he’s comfy lying abt money now, imagine what else he’d pull once y’all actually lived together. like it’s not just the money, it’s the fact he didn’t even feel bad or try to fix it. instead he gaslit u like u were being dramatic?? nah that’s some manipulative nonsense. u did the right thing walking away bc trust n honesty matter way more than some fake future he’s mad abt losing.
You made the right call, that man was already showin u how he handles money and “fairness” before even living together. like wym we both benefit from his beard oil?? tf? and the way he brushed it off instead of being embarrassed or apologizing says a lot. u didn’t just dodge a bullet, u dodged a whole financial trap. keep trusting ur gut, it’s loud for a reason.
He was basically stealing from u in a sneaky way then gaslit u when u called it out, that’s not petty that’s gross behavior. if u moved in he prob would've kept doin it or worse bec he knew u trusted him. like wdym “we benefit from my gym gains” bro is delusional. the fact he ain’t even sorry says a lot. u def dodged a bullet, don’t feel bad for protecting urself.
You didn’t mess up at all, like it’s actually wild how he tried gaslighting u over beard oil lmao. u weren’t just paying half, u were literally covering his sh*t while he smiled in ur face. imagine living w someone who nickel and dimes u like that, nah. u trusted him n he played u, simple. walking away was smart af, don’t let anyone make u feel guilty for that.