Baker refuses to make sister-in-law's wedding cake, 'this is my LIVELIHOOD.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to make my SIL’s wedding cake for free?"

I (29f) run a bakery business that I've built from the ground up during the past five years. It started as a hobby during college, but now it’s a registered business with steady clients, a dedicated workspace, and consistent orders during each month.

I do mostly for weddings, birthdays, and other events. I take a lot of pride in what I do, and it’s not just “baking for fun” anymore. This is my livelihood. My SIL (33F) is getting married at the beginning of June. She’s my wife’s older sister. We’re on friendly terms, but she’s always had this vibe like she doesn’t really take what I do seriously.

She’s made comments like, “It must be nice getting to play in the kitchen all day,” or, “You’re lucky people will pay for something they could probably learn on YouTube.” Always with a smile, like it’s a joke but not really. I've brushed these comments off in the past, since they weren't happening all the time and I just didn't want to stir up any drama.

So earlier this month, she asked if I’d make her wedding cake. I said sure and asked what she had in mind. She sent over inspo pics of a four-tier cake with smooth buttercream, floral piping, and real flowers on top and cascading down one side.

She wanted it to be a chocolate sponge with raspberry filling in terms of taste. Plus, she wanted for me it to deliver to the venue myself on the morning of the wedding rather than picking it up the day before herself.

After we got done discussing everything, I gave her a quote over the phone with a generous family discount, and SIL replied almost instantly, that she didn't think I'd be charging her and the cake would essentially be a wedding gift.

I told her that I don’t typically do wedding cakes as gifts because of how much time and work they take, but I’d be happy to buy her something from her registry instead or still make the cake at the discounted price if she wanted. She wasn’t happy. Said I was being transactional and that it was just a cake and I clearly didn’t want to be part of her special day before hanging up on me.

To be clear, I have made cakes for free before. But those were small, simple ones for people I care about, or for friends who were going through a rough time. This isn't that my SIL and her fiancé can pay for the cake, and it's not like she's exactly respected my work in the past.

Meanwhile, SIL has been telling anyone who will listen that I’m making her big day about myself and trying to “profit off her happiness.” Seriously. My MIL called and she didn’t really ask how I felt or try to understand where I was coming from, she just seemed overwhelmed and kind of desperate to stop this from turning into a bigger family fight.

She kept going on about how stressed my SIL was and how she was being a bit much, but basically begged me to reconsider. My wife is completely on my side and has told her mom to stop trying to smooth things over at my expense, but even she admitted she sorta wishes I’d just said yes to avoid the fallout.

Here's what people had to say about this one:

FeedsBlackBats said:

I'm impressed you didn't send her a youtube link so she could learn to do it herself. NTA.

gringaellie said:

NTA your SIL is being an entitled cheapskate. If you wouldn't normally gift her something as expensive as a cake, then don't gift her the cake. Tell her to get quotes elsewhere.

Well-Done22 said:

NTA. People have no idea how much time, effort and talent something like this takes. She de-values your work.. Stick to your guns. Let her say whatever she wants. The people who agree with her are uninformed.

But most people will see that she's being ridiculous. Especially if you let them know how much money and time the cake she's asking for would take. If the other guests aren't paying at least that much money on the bride's wedding gift and spending at least that much time on the bride's wedding gift, they don't have a leg to stand on. Good luck.

Successful-Worker139 said:

Absolutely NTA. I am a baker. Do not undervalue your work. I've done some free and deeply discounted wedding cakes when I was starting out, because I wanted to gain the experience and wasn't comfortable charging.

For very close friends and family, I will consider cakes a gift, but there's only one more on my list and then they'll all be charged. The material cost alone is astronomical, let alone the time! If she thinks it's so easy to learn off YouTube, she can bake her own damn cake.

NefariousnessFresh24 said:

NTA - stand your ground. Your SIL is an entitled Bridezilla, who tries to emotionally blackmail and bully you, and is trying to get other people to join in. Don't let her. And don't ever do stuff "for the sake of peace" or "because it's family."

The people who try those lines on you, are the first to leave you hanging when you need them, because what they really mean to say is "Be a doormat for me, now and forever."

Glum_Reception_4478 said:

First, I have no idea how difficult it is to make a wedding cake, but from your description it sounds like she wants something super elaborate that would take a ton of time and effort for you. If her primary goal was to be under a certain budget, she should have led with that, and worked with you on something that would work for her wedding. The expectation/entitlement is the problem. You’re NTA.

I get the impulse from your MIL and wife to want to smooth things over by placating the bride to be, but every step of the way the bride was more and more of an asshole. I think it’s time for your MIL and wife to gently but firmly suggest that the bride look elsewhere for her dream cake.

At this point, you shouldn’t even make the cake even if she meets your quote. Not worth the headache if it’s not just perfect. And they’d probably ditch out on paying you anyway.