Bakery owner demands future MIL/employee show up at her scheduled time, 'it was insulting.' AITA?
"AITA for asking my employee to show up at their scheduled time?"
I (30f) own a bakery business. My fiancées mother (65f) works for me as the primary baker. I offer a flexible schedule and told her she could pick the hours she would like to work. Prep takes place in a kitchen set up within my home.
Every week she tells me what day and time she would like to come do her baking prep work. Every week she has been late and I have never complained to her about it or made any comments.
A few days ago she told me she would come bake at 4:30pm start. Not a problem. I got off work around 3:30 and began prepping dough for her to bake on her arrival. I turned my oven on around 4pm because it takes a while to heat up. At 4:20 she texted me she was going to dinner and would come by after. She did not give a time of arrival. I didn’t say anything to her about it. I didn’t complain.
I had the oven on and time to kill so I just started doing some of the prep to get ahead of the game. I figured since she was going to be late, I might as well utilize the time I had. My fiancée's mom showed up at 5:58. When she got there she asked why I was baking.
I said I just figured I could get ahead of the game rather then let the dough sit. She asked me if I had a problem with her being late. I said I have no issues, I would just appreciate if the next time she could give me 24 hour notice of when she plans to come work so I can plan accordingly.
She then said that SHE had an issue with it. I asked what she meant. She told me it was insulting that I began her job. I told her I didn’t mean any ill will by it, I was just trying to use the time I had. She told me she just wanted to get the work done and we would talk about it later.
I gave it a couple hours and went back into the kitchen to ask if she could take a quick break and we could discuss the issue because I’d like to find a resolution if possible. I asked her how she was feeling. She told me “if I think there’s issues then I should speak first” I said “well I said I had no issues, you were the one who said you had a problem and I’m just trying to understand.”
She told me again it was insulting that I started her job. She said that I told her she could pick her own hours, and if I have different expectations to communicate them. I said “I don’t have a problem with you picking your own hours. I am just asking that you could let me know when you plan to come, and arrive at that time so I can plan accordingly.”
To this she said to me “well, this is how I feel. I’m not the one for this job. You are the way you are and you can find someone else.” My fiancée was in the other room listening and was as confused as I was. I went upstairs and cried. I have been close with my fiancée’s mom for years and have never had any sort of argument or disagreement. We have only ever had a very positive relationship. AITA? I’m so confused.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
LoveBeach8 said:
ESH. If you're going to be a boss then BE A BOSS! You're literally letting her call the shots, telling you what to do and not caring that she's often late. Would you ever let any other employee do that to you, risking your business?
She's taking advantage of you. She's disrespectful and rude. Please learn from this. You've given her free rein and it's bitten you in the ass. Next time, hire someone more responsible and pay them accordingly, preferably someone not related to you.
peachypapayas said:
Honestly, part of the problem here is you pretending there was no issue. It doesn’t make you an asshole but you’re on the road to being a doormat. By the way, your future MIL knows she was in the wrong and she tried to provoke you into saying something. She doesn’t really care that you started working before she got there. NTA.
peachypapayas said:
Honestly, part of the problem here is you pretending there was no issue. It doesn’t make you an ahole but you’re on the road to being a doormat. By the way, your future MIL knows she was in the wrong and she tried to provoke you into saying something. She doesn’t really care that you started working before she got there. NTA.
Cangal39 said:
ESH her for not showing up when she said she would, and you for letting it slide repeatedly. "Yes, I do have a problem with you not showing up for work at the time you have chosen."
OldMetalHead said:
Flexible hours doesn't mean she commits to a time and then changes it last minute, especially when you need to prepare for her. NTA.
Content-Plenty-268 said:
You are NTA. In fact, you sound remarkably chill and pragmatic in finding a workaround to her erratic behavior and not making an issue of it. She is looking for a fight. Why?
It probably is worth looking into, since you’ve always had a good relationship. Is she going through something and is taking the stress out on you? Is she undergoing a sudden drastic change of personality? Could there be a medical reason for it? You and your fiancé might want to investigate.
SoulSiren_22 said:
YTA. You are the boss who has an issue with your employee. Do not stew in silence and pat yourself on the back for being conflict avoidant. You should have addressed it. "I value you as an employee and a friend, but can't tolerate being on standby for your convenience when I have a business to run.
I'm ok with you setting your hours, when those are communicated in advance and you start working when you said you would. It takes away from things I have to do to successfully run this business when you commit to a time and don't show up, which happens more and more.
You told me you'd be here for 4:30 and I had done prep and oven ready only for you to tell me last minute you are not coming and not giving me an idea when you would. I had things ready for when you said you would come and it is a waste of my resources and time to stop everything to wait for you without knowing when you planned to come.
Hence, I started to do it myself. In the future, I expect you to be on time as you've set it 24 hours in advance and I will be more than happy to not do your work."
SolitaryTeaParty said:
NTA. If she’s not normally like this, then it sounds like something’s up with her, but it sounds like you’ve been more than fair to her. Maybe she has something in her health, mental health, or personal life going on, and it might be hard to get answers if she’s suddenly so defensive and inconsistent.
Maybe your fiancee could find out more. I think you should look to hiring her replacement ASAP. Sorry that things have taken such an alarming turn.