'AITA because my niece overheard me ranting about how I want sister to stop dumping her kids at my house?'
"AITA because my niece overheard me ranting about how I want sister to stop dumping her kids at my house?"
My sister (we call each other sisters but are actually cousins/god-siblings) has two young kids. She is very socially active and often needs someone to watch her kids. Since I live nearby and the kids like me, it usually ends up being me, even though she has other options.
When I was working at a “real job” she was reasonable: asking if I could watch them, leaving money for food, and picking them up on time, asking only once or twice a month, if that, so I didn’t mind watching them.
But now that I’m doing art comissions, she views it as me not doing anything. She kept trying to hint to me that she wanted me to watch her kids and I didn’t pick up on it until now because I’m on the spectrum. I don’t understand hints.
She pretty much stopped talking to me entirely after that, and bypasses me and asks her brother—my roommate/cousin—to bring the kids over without telling me, sometimes for multiple days.
He leaves the childcare responsibilities to me, saying, "that’s what their auntie is for." This has been happening every weekend since late May, and it's now July. Today, I wanted to do my workout downstairs where there’s space, but I heard the kids screaming and assumed they might be staying over without notice again.
I was so frustrated, I ranted to my brother while we were in his room, and my niece overheard, which upset her. All I’d said was, “and nobody even told me they’d be here!” Which I’m sure still really hurt.
Now, my cousins are mad at me for damaging our relationship. AITA? I plan to apologize to my niece when she’s ready to talk, though I don’t know how to explain something this complicated to a kid.
Here's what top commenters had to say about about this one:
bythebrook88 said:
Nope. If her brother volunteered himself to babysit, that's fine. But he shouldn't volunteer OP's time. I'd refuse to help him. I bet he would volunteer less if he got stuck with the work. NTA.
shesjustbarbie said:
NTA but your "sister" sure is. Commission jobs are real jobs and her acting entitled to you watching her kids is incredibly selfish on her part. Honestly if this is a repeat issue then CPS might need to be involved.
Dropping children off for multiple days without prior approval form the person watching the kids is child abandonment. This kid doesn’t deserve that and neither do you.
HMS_Slartibartfast said:
NTA. Next time the kids are over just leave. Don't tell anyone where you are going or for how long. Don't come back until late. See how cousin likes watching them. You may need to set an early alarm so you are gone before they get up.
NukaGrl said:
NTA. It sounds like she's taking full advantage of the fact that you have more availability than she does and as a result is treating you like a free babysitter. I don't think what you said was bad, and it's not as though you knew anyone was overhearing your conversation. Your frustration seems valid to me.
Lurker-78 said:
NTA your cousins are damaging your relationships. Tell your roommate that if he agrees to watch the kids, he’s on babysitting duty. Start making yourself scarce when they do this and hopefully it will stop.
Potential_Beat6619 said:
NTA - Tell her if she dumps them off you'll call the cops. And tell your roommate the same thing. She shouldn't have had kids if she can't handle them.
Key_Draft4255 said:
NTA. Tell your roommate that if he agrees to babysit that it is entirely on him and NOT to involve you. You are not unpaid babysitter. I would follow this up with your cousin and inform her as well. Be clear you have work to do and kids around the house so much is distracting. Suggest she finds a nanny or daycare because this is not working.
Tessa_Kamoda said:
NTA. Your sister can call herself lucky that you did not call the police / cps and reported the children as abandoned. Send her an email / text message / sms and inform her that due to circumstances starting today you will no longer watch her kids without being asked beforehand and if she drops them off without written consent from you she has 2 options:
either pay current babysitter rate + 100% ahole tax or be prepared to deal with police / cps as ou will report the kids as abandoned. As for brother dearest, well, check if he is home and then leave. after you locked your room so he can't put the kids inside to 'have some peace'.