Bride accused of being 'greedy' and 'rude' for keeping $50K of wedding fund for herself. AITA?
"AITA for being 'greedy and rude' while planning my wedding?"
I (28F) and my fiancé (36M) are planning our wedding, and last night he accused me of being "greedy and rude." Background: I come from a wealthy family and have worked hard to manage finances responsibly.
My father has given each daughter $120K for their wedding. My sisters used all of it for their weddings, but I asked to use $70K for the wedding and $10K for a honeymoon, saving $40K to help with future children’s expenses. My dad agreed to this plan, but only if I could make the wedding work with that budget.
I didn’t make this decision lightly. When I first got engaged five months ago, I considered using the full amount for a European wedding, but I realized I didn’t want to prioritize that. A wedding is one day, and securing our future financial stability seemed more important.
My fiancé has been patient but has accused me of delaying the wedding due to indecisiveness, though I’m just overwhelmed by spending so much on one day and managing everything else.
Last night, I asked him to help review venues for a tour we’re doing Monday. He rushed through options, and I started to cry from stress. I also wanted to vet the venues’ prices before booking, but this frustrated him.
He said I was rude for not wanting to use all the money for a wedding he would love, claiming that going over budget was fine because this was our most important day. He has always dreamed of a grand wedding with lots of guests.
He criticized the venue I liked, an old library that only seats 180 and fits our budget. He said I was being rude by limiting my guest list to 60 people so he could invite 120 of his family.
He also accused me of being “greedy” for wanting to save the leftover money and said I looked like I was hoarding it. He argued that since we are financially well-off, I shouldn’t worry about saving for future children.
He also mentioned that our wedding planner had supposedly said I was being greedy, though he later admitted to making that up to show me how rude I was being. I thought I was being fiscally responsible by saving the extra money, but now I’m questioning if I’ve made the right decision. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA. And DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN until AFTER the two of you have gone through some serious pre-nuptial counseling. The number one reason that people divorce is over money issues. And you two are not even on the same continent, let alone the same page. This is important OP. Do it. You, and your future children, deserve it.
Strong-Presence-8273 (OP)
Thank you for your thoughts. We are currently in premarital counseling and I think revisiting our finances and what our goals are would be important.
What is your fiancé contributing to his own wedding? He’s the greedy & rude one wanting a lavish wedding on another man’s dime, which is embarrassing (I don't care if its tradition that the father of the bride pays - guessing he’s selectively traditional & is not about being a provider & paying for everything?)
NTA, I know this is what every reddit person says on wedding posts but. You're sure you want to marry this man? Maybe it's just the stress of the wedding getting to him and usually he's super nice but this does not sound like behavior I would want from a fiancé as we're about to go into our life bound together.
To me it seems like you're being the opposite of greedy, and he is the one that wants to be greedy about the wedding. You're trying to spend less money overall by making your allotted money to go more things. He literally told you he lied to your face about other people thinking badly of you, so you'd try and change your mind on a reasonable decision that you were discussing with him.
He apparently was super big on having a giant grand wedding, yet rushed through the actual details enough to make you cry??? I am so serious, is this the first time he's had awful behavior like this? Are there any other red flags you may have missed? Because all of this would make me look at him and call it all off.
Is this real? A brand new account with an obviously selfish partner who is obviously projecting? That partner is complaining that 5 months is taking too long to plan a wedding, when the lavish wedding with hundreds of guests that he wants would take at least 2 years to plan?
If this is real, it's an easy NTA, and I'd add like everyone else is saying, this is clearly a mismatch of values, and it's not going to get better after the wedding. If you don't run, make sure you have an ironclad prenup.
Strong-Presence-8273 (OP)
OP here: oh it was unfortunately a real conversation I had last night. I have never posted before, but I am in a bit of a pickle because all of my close friends/family are currently traveling/busy right now so I thought I would turn to the internet for some help. Im just struggling with how to handle this all.
Why are you marrying this man who clearly sees you as an ATM?
NTA. Where is his 70k? Why is your family funding his dream wedding alone? 70k on a wedding is ... well, a lot...That's what I make in 2 years...
Strong-Presence-8273 (OP)
It is a lot! I am extremely grateful for this gift and I thought it would be more than enough for us to have a wonderful wedding.
Also, does he also come from money? If he doesn't, did he know you came from money before you started dating? Do you guys have any sort of prenup agreement? 5 months is already a really short engagement, especially for planning the giant grand wedding he supposedly wants, and he is saying you're delaying by...trying to plan the wedding in a cohesive way?
Why is he sooo eager to have this done as soon as possible? I get wanting to be able to be married quick, but he doesn't sound like he wants to be involved in any of the actual wedding. And he called you rude by limiting your guests so he could invite 120 of his own? That is so extremely rude of him that I can't even stand it.