"AITA for telling my best friend's GF she has nothing to worry about?"

Title sounds weird, I know, just hear me out. I (21F) have a best friend we'll call Carl (22M). We've been friends since sophomore year of high school. I consider him one of my best friends. I am a lesbian (yes this is relevant) and very much not his type (also relevant) so our relationship has never been strained due to one of us being in the "friendzone" with the other.

We text pretty frequently and sometimes facetime to just hang out and talk about random sh!t, but about a week ago Carl let me know that he was gonna severely limit his contact with me because his girlfriend, Amy, recently voiced her discomfort regarding the amount of time me and Carl "hang out" (again, it's all over text and facetime due to us attending different schools).

I got really sad. This might be pathetic but talking with Carl really makes me happy, especially since he's one of the only friends from high school I've stayed close with. So I thought maybe I could try talking to Amy to see if she would reconsider her feelings towards the situation. This was an extremely stupid decision.

I contacted Amy and told her about all the reasons Carl and I aren't attracted to each other (me being gay and not his type, us seeing each other as siblings, both us us having girlfriends, etc). She got pissed and said what was going on between her and Carl was none of my business. I realized I was making a mistake and apologized for bringing it up.

Carl later texted me and told me he was mad that I tried taking matters into my own hands. I apologized to him an acknowledged what I did was stupid, but I also told him I was still upset that we wouldn't be talking to each other as much. He hasn't responded since that.

I vented about the whole thing to my girlfriend yesterday and she said Amy was being ridiculous. I somewhat agree with that but I still feel bad for inserting myself into the situation. I just don't know how to feel right now. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? Should she have stayed out of the situation? Or did she have a right to confront Amy about the problem? This is what top commenters had to say:

OilSeeYouL8er said:

Yta - Carl basically told you that your presence in his relationship was causing friction, so you decided to jump into with both feet. Bad call. It's entirely possible the jealousy isn't about romance but emotional closeness.

I don't know many people who face time that regularly with platonic friends, and while it doesn't inherently mean your relationship isn't platonic, it does mean it's reasonable that his gf is fed up with his regularly using up all his emotional capacity on some other woman.

OP responded:

Holy mackerel, that thing about emotional closeness really opened my eyes. I hadn't even thought about it like that but it makes a lot of sense. Thank you for bringing this up.

OneMikeNation said:

YTA: its small but you should have respected his decision or discussed it with him instead of talking to his gf especially since the two of you aren't close. And if you were to talk to her you should have got more information on why she didn't want you to talk as much.

Maybe it had to do 0 with a physical attraction but maybe just the time he spent talking to you. If you do talk a lot she could simply just want more of his undivided attention and doesn't want him on the phone texting you while they are together which is understandable.

And WolfGoddess77 said:

NTA. It sounds like you went about this in a very reasonable and polite manner. You and Carl have been best friends for years, and there's no reason why you shouldn't continue to be friends.

Amy needs to understand that having a girl best friend does not mean that the two of you are going to sleep together, for many reasons. It makes me wonder if she is going to make him cut off all contact with every woman in his life.

She later edited her original post:

EDIT: Thank you all for your input. I agree I was the AH here. Thank you to those who brought to my attention that Amy may have been upset that Carl was providing a certain level emotional availability to somebody that wasn't his significant other, that really put things into perspective.

Also, please don't call Amy any names. I only met her a few times but she's been nice to me in the past and besides this her and Carl have been a pretty good couple from what I could tell.

And a few weeks later, she shared this update:

After I made that post I made sure to keep a good distance between Carl and myself. We still talked a bit, but definitely not as much as we used to. I did have to talk to Amy once but it was because of an unrelated emergency regarding a mutual friend of ours, nothing to do with the original incident and I left her alone after that.

Then, a few days ago Carl let me know that he and Amy were taking a break. I told him I was sorry (not because I did anything, just in the "sorry this is happening" way) and that if he ever needed to talk I was open to listen. I left it at that and didn't push for any details but he ended up venting to me for a while.

Long story short they were at different levels of emotional investment and thought it would be best to step back for a bit and re-evaluate their feelings. Carl assured me that it wasn't my fault (it sounded like it wasn't anyone's fault and was more of a mutual misunderstanding) and said he wanted to go back to the way we used to talk.

I was happy about this, obviously, but I also let him know we should probably talk about boundaries so that nothing like the original situation would happen again. He agreed, we had a long talk about it, and I think both of us left with a better understanding of each other.

Thanks again to everyone who passed judgement on my original post. I know this update isn't super necessary but I thought I'd post it anyway just in case anyone cared.