Bride refuses to pay for future SIL's hotel room for 'destination wedding.' AITA? 'We might be in the wrong here.'
"AITA for not paying for future SIL's hotel room at our wedding?"
I (31F) am marrying my wonderful fiancé (30M) in Vegas next year. We are going more budget friendly getting married at the little white chapel, and not having an actual reception/party after, we’re paying for everyone’s dinner at a nice buffet so there’s something for everyone.
It’s just going to be a couple friends and immediate family. Our family lives all over the place so there isn’t really a central location to have a wedding that’s “convenient” for everyone, and we’ve both talked about having a Vegas wedding since we met.
We did agree to pay for our parents' hotel rooms so they are in the same hotel as us and where we’re having dinner after the wedding, they just have to pay for their plane tickets. Kind of pricey, but my parents don’t have the money to spend on the hotel, so we figured we’d be fair and pay for both sets of parents to be there.
After hearing we’re paying for the parents rooms my fiancé’s sister (F 23) is reaching out asking if we’re paying for her room as well since she doesn’t have the money for it. He explained that we’re only paying for the parents, but she can ask to share with their parents since there’s two queen beds in their room.
She wants to bring her BF and his parents won’t allow her to share a room with them and him (their choice). She said it’s unfair to only pay for some of the guest’s rooms and not others and if he wants her there, he’ll pay for her and her BF’s room. He explained is not in the wedding budget and she’ll have to come up with the money for a room if she wants to come.
Now his other sisters are telling us that we should pay for her room if we want her to be there since my fiancé knows she’s bad with money. He’s told them attending isn’t mandatory and while it would be nice if the whole family could attend, he understands if they can’t afford it since it’s a “destination wedding.
He suggested the three of them share a room, but they all have significant others they want to bring so they don’t want to share rooms. Now all three sisters are saying they aren’t coming because we’re too good to pay for his little sister even though we’re paying for my parents to attend.
I feel like they’re just trying to guilt trip us into paying and it’s working because he feels guilty for only paying for some people’s rooms. I’m holding firm that we aren’t paying, but he thinks we might be in the wrong here. AMITA for paying for the parents hotel rooms and not others?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
BulbasaurRanch said:
NTA. It is a destination wedding, and that always comes with people being unable to attend. His sisters feel so strongly about it, they can pay for her then. You’re under no obligation to pay for his little sister.
After the threats not to attend I’d go with: “thanks for letting us know you can’t attend, it’s really to bad. If you change your mind you are welcome to still come, but I understand if you can’t make it."
throwawayvh61 said:
NTA It’s Vegas, they gotta have budget hotel options for cheap. If you pay for her hotel, then she’ll say you should pay for her plane tickets, then her food, then her drinks, and on and on. You have a budget, and her room is not in the budget. Stand your ground.
If your other two SIL’s have such a strong opinion that she can’t afford it, maybe they should all chip in to pay for her. And again, SHE could still go without her BF and stay in her parents room, so if she doesn’t value seeing her brother get married enough to do that I don’t think you want her at the wedding anyway. It sound like she want a free fancy vacation rather than to see you two get married. Stand. Your. Ground.
Janetaz18 said:
NTA. You have a budget. You're using it to foot your parents' rooms and your own expenses. Maybe your fiancé should tell his other sisters that if the youngest being there is so important to them, then maybe THEY should be the ones to pay for her room.
laughinglovinglivid said:
NTA. SIL has an option to come without spending on a room, she’s just decided bringing her boyfriend is more important. She’s trying to guilt trip you, and if your fiancé’s sisters decide to not attend out of some weird form of ‘solidarity’, they’re the ones who are going to regret it.
You and your fiancé have done what you can. Enjoy your wedding with the people who aren’t using it as an excuse to cause drama, OP.
kimba-the-tabby-lion said:
NTA. It seems that you are paying for her room, as she can stay with her parents. So the issue is that you aren't paying for her BF's room. That seems like more than you should be asked on a tight budget, especially when their relationship the level that her parents think they can't invite her without him.
mad_spreadsheets_yo said:
NTA. I'm petty. I'd say ok and then pay for a room off the strip at a budget hotel/motel. Sorry little sister, that's all we could squeeze from our budget.