'AITA for speaking up about splitting a birthday dinner bill evenly?'
"AITA for speaking up about splitting a birthday dinner bill evenly?"
Went to a birthday dinner last week, and I can’t stop thinking about it. There were about 12 of us, and we were all joined together by 3 tables of 4 seats. All ordering à la carte — nothing crazy, just mains and soft drinks.
But then, this one group of 4, whom I didn’t know, started going all out. They got rounds of raw oysters to start, then bottles of alcohol, and were just adding stuff to the tab like it was Monopoly money. Didn’t think much of it, until the bill came.
One of them quickly suggested we just split it evenly. Now, I’m all for making things simple, but my meal was about $25. Why am I paying about $50 to cover their seafood and expensive drinks? So I told them it’s not really fair, either they settle alcohol on a separate bill or we just each pay for our meals. That’s when things got awkward.
They started saying it was too difficult to work out and they blamed me for making a scene and it’s our friend’s birthday so I shouldn’t be complaining. Like, sorry, but since when does celebrating someone’s birthday mean I have to fund your oyster/alcohol obsession?
The birthday girl was on my side but the other 4 weren’t having it. So I gave up in the end as I didn’t want to cause her any upset and paid the bill shared equally, but the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth. If you want to ball out at dinner, cool—but don’t expect everyone else to cover it. AITA for speaking up?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Not even a little. I love people who go crazy because they think someone else is footing the bill.
Alcasimi OP:
Thanks. I find it really awkward to deal with these situations and find myself just going with the crowd more often than not. I had to speak up then and maybe I should have stuck to my guns more in hindsight. You live and learn.
In situations like this, where there are multiple tables I always suggest that each table be a bill on its own right, and that table decide what it’s going to do and inform the waiters/serving staff in advance. I always check that the restaurant will do that in advance.
That way, your three tables become three bills. They can decide to split the bill, they can decide to have one person pay and the others Venmo them their money so they can each pay what they owe.
In addition, we would always say that the birthday person is on their own check, and the person next to them pays it and then they text everybody the receipt and everybody sends their proportion of it. Sounds like a lot of organising but actually isn’t.
What I have done with them is once I’m finished ordering and I know I won’t be drinking anymore (I’m a one drink wonder), I will go to the desk and tell them that I may need to leave early and can I pay for my part of the bill now so I will pay for my meal & my drinks.
Then when I return to the table, I will say to the guys, I may have to leave early so I’ve paid my bill, and if i end up having to go, I’ll leave my tip here in cash for the server.
Alcasimi OP:
This is a good suggestion and only wished it could have been better organised so everyone knew what the arrangement was instead of finding out when the bill arrives!
AltruisticValuable26 said:
NTA. Those folks are sh--^ for doing that. If it were to increase your bill by a couple bucks, probably not worth the hassle of split tickets. But doubling it? Insane. Having other people subsidize their lavish meal and drinks and using the birthday gathering to manipulated people into paying it. Yikes.
WolverineOk4248 said:
NTA. Next time ignore them and ask the server for your bill, leaving a share for birthday girl. They relied on people not making a scene.
bobhand17123 said:
NTA. Would it have been cheaper for you to just pay for yourself and the birthday girl, and let the splitters split the rest? Yours is not the first post like this, and every time I get so second hand aggravated.
redlips_rosycheeks said:
NTA - and the next time you’re in a similar situation, say “I ordered what I was comfortable paying for - I expected everyone to do the same. I don’t feel comfortable being taken advantage of, or bullied into doing something I don’t want to.” This usually takes the wind out of the loudest sails.
uTop-Artichoke5020 said:
NTA. I really hate people who do this. I tend to order the more expensive meals when we go out, I always throw in more than my share. I suggest that if you find yourself in their company again, you ask for separate checks from the start.
hydraheads said:
NTA. The world needs more people like you.
YTA for paying and rewarding mooching behavior. You should've put your money down and sat back to let them pony up their share.