Bisexual bride's fiancé says her bachelorette party preferences 'aren't right;' AITA?
The 'entertainment' at bachelor and bachelorette parties can be a subject of great debate between couples...
So, when a conflicted bride decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her party preferences, the jury of internet strangers was ready to weigh in.
AITA (Am I the As&hole) for wanting a female stripper at my bachelorette party?
My (22f) fiancé (24m) are getting married soon. We've recently being planning our bachelor and bachelorette parties with our friends, and the discussion of strippers came up.
He wanted one, so I said no problem. He then jokingly asked if I wanted one too, and I actually agreed, I did in fact want one. He had no problem with that until I said that I'd also want a female stripper like him, rather than the male one he assumed I wanted.
That's when the argument started. I'm bisexual which my fiancé has known about pretty much since we met, and it's never been an issue before. I've been with women and men before, and I just personally would prefer a woman over a man. I told him if he could have a female stripper then so could I.
He said it would be different, but wouldn't explain me to how, just insisted that it wasn't right for me to have one.
I've talked to a couple of our friends about this and they're divided, some on my side saying it doesn't matter the gender of the stripper when I'm attracted to them both, the others saying the same as my fiancé that it's different.
One of my friends said that if I had a woman, that would basically be saying I'd rather be with a woman than him, which I honestly just find stupid. So, AITA for wanting a female stripper?
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this mess:
blacksteel15 said:
NTA. It sounds like the difference in his mind is that for him a female stripper is one last hurrah before spending the rest of his life with you and for you it's one last chance to change your mind before spending the rest of your life with a man.
If he can't see the difference between you choosing him and you choosing his gender, that's a big ol' red flag that's completely on him.
wpel_142 said:
NTA. Tell him either both get the stripper they want, or neither can. He is fine not to like it, and you are fine to do it anyway. But if he is THAT insecure and controlling to really makes an issue out of it, cancel the bachelorette party. AND the wedding.
glossyjikookbun said:
Nta, but keep in mind of your fiancé’s reaction, that’s a red flag. So he most likely didn’t take you attraction for women seriously and or is insecure. But you have your right you were honest and said you prefer women over men.
Tbh he should be happy bc if you said that then it means you obviously love him more bc naturally you prefer women. But red flag with him and with the ppl siding with him. It’s a stripper like it’s not that serious.
mothlight13 said:
NTA and his reaction is a bit of a red flag. Sounds like he’s insecure about your bisexuality. It’s fine for you to have a male stripper, but “not right” to have a female stripper? Is he afraid seeing a woman strip is going to make you realize you like women more and leave him? Smells like biphobia, babe. You’re gonna have to get to the bottom of this and get him to work out his issues before the wedding.
PeachyPossums said:
NTA- If he’s worried about you running off with her, maybe talk it through. Insecurities are natural. Hopefully he can be honest with you and you guys can come to a better place.
Later, she edited the post to include more details:
So some people seem to be confused as to my wording of 'prefer a woman over a man'. I meant a woman stripper not that in general I would prefer to be with a woman.
In fact I'm pretty evenly split in finding women and men attractive, just in the context of a stripper, I would rather a woman.
After reading a lot of the comments, I realize mine and my fiancés issues run a lot deeper than the gender of a stripper, and so I'm going to talk to him about it properly when he comes home.
When we first dated we talked a lot about my sexuality and what that would mean for us in the relationship, but recently it hasn't been a topic for conversation. For me, it obviously effects my life, but I think for him it had become a 'don't talk about it, don't think about it' thing, which it really shouldn't have become.
I will discuss any insecurities he may have about our relationship and see about trying to fix them.
He is most definitely not homophobic, really. I think this just took him by surprise because we don't talk about it often. His best friend and best man is gay, and the one who introduced us.
He has never seemed to have an issue with my bisexuality, or anyone else's sexuality before this, which is why I wanted to know if there was maybe something I wasn't seeing.
Those worried about how the other guests will feel/how many friends I have who are queer. I have many queer friends, a lot of whom will be at said bachelorette party, they would have no issue with a female stripper.
The same with my straight friends, they would have no issue. The friends who have the issue with it are the mutual friends my fiancé and I share, and some of his. The people suggesting we both have two strippers, honestly might be on to something.