'WIBTA if I block my sister from selling the house where our mom and stepfamily live?'
"WIBTA if I block my sister from selling the house where our mom and stepfamily live?"
Alternative-Emu-7841
My parents (58M, 52F) divorced when I was 12 and my sister 8. I didn’t know the details at the time – parents showed no rancor, neither disparaged the other in front of us – but learned them later.
Mom carried on an affair, Dad found out, precipitating divorce. Dad came to the marriage already wealthy and there was a prenup. Given shared custody, he didn’t want us to grow up “half in a poor household, half in a rich household” and provided for mom’s household beyond what was required.
He put the marital home into a trust, along with assets that would throw off sufficient income to cover costs of the house and supplementing mom’s income to the point of reaching an upper-middle-class lifestyle.
When the younger of us sisters turns 21, we become co-trustees and the house and remaining assets are for our benefit. Sis turns 21 later this year. We need to agree on disposition of the trust until sis turns 30, at which point it is divided between us.
When I was 15, mom remarried, and her husband brought us two much younger step-brothers. They lived in “our” house (still do). I disliked mom’s husband and, given that courts in our state will consider a child’s preference at 14, I forced the issue and went to live with Dad full-time.
My sister could not do the same, which left her unhappy. At 14, she also forced her way to fully living with Dad. While I re-established over time a cordial if not super-close relationship with Mom, the three extra years my sister had living with her totally poisoned their relationship. Sis has been low-contact with Mom for years. Dad never remarried and we three are all very close.
As sis approaches her 21st birthday, she has started telling me we need to get a realtor and otherwise prepare to sell the house. Mom, it turns out, has made no preparations for “losing” the house and has not saved anything out of the trust distributions.
While she and her family won’t end up homeless if the house is sold from under them and distributions end, they will for sure need to move to a cheaper town and live much more modestly.
Mom has acted shocked that we would sell the house and take the other assets for ourselves. My sister is adamant that the house should be sold the day she turns 21 and the money divided between us.
While an air-drop of a million bucks is obviously attractive, neither of us needs the money imminently (we are both doing fine and Dad would surely help directly with house downpayment or grad school, things of that nature).
It feels like my sister wants to punish Mom. Dad wants to stay out of it, except to tell us, “revenge feels good for a minute, but being generous ultimately feels better in the long term.” Relatives on Mom’s side have been pestering my sister, which has only hardened her resolve.
Mom did a crap job of parenting, I admit, but I don’t want to go out of my way to hurt her. WIBTA if I block kicking Mom out and continue “my” half of distributions until Sis is 30?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
LouisV25
YWBTA. Even though this is a tough situation & your hero’s in the right place. Don’t fall out with your sister for a woman that didn’t treat either of you well. You would be forcing your sister to take care of your mom and her family.
You cannot speak to whether she needs the money. It’s hers and she wants it. Even if it’s revenge, it’s hers to have. If you want to support your mom, use your proceeds from the sale.
It is extremely presumptuous of your Mother to think she would not have to move, EVER! There should be no expectation from you or your mother that your sister (or you) would support Mom and second family forever.
Mom knew the deal. She cannot expect her ex to finance her new family. Yet she’s saved nothing. That is her own failing. I don’t blame your sister for not wanting to finance a family that has treated her poorly. YOUR MOTHER COULD NOT EVEN BE GOOD TO THE GEESE THAT LAID THE GOLDEN LIFESTYLE.
serenasplaycousin
YWBTA. Your fathers blood line doesn’t live in the house when your sister turns 21. Why are you rewarding the man who broke up your family?
The OP responded here:
Alternative-Emu-7841
I hear you. One clarification, though: Mom's husband is NOT the affair partner.
BulbasaurRanch
I don’t understand why you get to block things? Can’t she force the sale anyways to collect her half?
The OP again responded:
Alternative-Emu-7841
Both trustees have to agree to dispose of property. When Sis turns 30, the trust gets "divided" and we each have full control of our half. At that point, there is no avoiding selling the house (or one of us buying out the other).
BulbasaurRanch
So your mother causes your family to break up, and her reward is having her life bankrolled by the man she cheated on, and then now by the children of the family she broke up? I’m with your sister on this one. You’d be wrong to block her. She understands the ridiculousness nonsense of your mother.
singyoulikeasong
I'm unsure of how to rate this. On one hand your mom sounds like an asshole so karma's a bitch, eh? On the other I don't believe in making children suffer cause their parent sucks.
Then there's this backstory where you got to leave your moms a few years before you sister could because you legally could, and that's fair as hell. But while you left your toxic home, your sisters situation grew more toxic, while you built a better relationship with your mom? I don't know something about that seems a bit unfair to me?