'AITA for blocking my ex-BFF without giving her a chance to explain herself?' UPDATED

'AITA for blocking my ex-BFF repeatedly without giving her a chance to talk to me?'

I 24f and my ex bff 23f were close friends from sophomore year of high school til I was 21. We would sleep at each others house all the time. Her mom called me her daughter. My mom called her mija ( daughter in Spanish). Her grandparents loved me to death also. We literally did everything for each other. I supported her when she got kicked out.

I was there when she said she was suicidal on Valentine’s Day when I was already on a date with my bf. We basically flew to her house and stayed with her. I found her a therapist and supported her as much as I could. She also supported me too.

She was there for me with all my health issues. And when I had to quit jobs because of my narcolepsy with cataplexy she supported me too. She’d pay for us to go out or get me food when I had no energy to do anything.

She literally felt like a sister to me. Everyone in my family treated her like a sister. My nephew even had a nickname for her. My autistic brother was comfortable with her too and he hates everyone.

But when I was 21 my mother slipped into a coma due to complications with lupus. I tried reaching out to her but she wasn’t there for me at all. Barely texted back. Or even said anything to me. We’d make plans which was hard for me to make because I had to raise my autistic brother and pay all the bills my mom was paying.

I picked up jobs and worked myself to death so on my off days when I needed a distraction I made plans with her. Which in return she cancelled it last minute for her then boyfriend.

7 months later my mother passed away. I was struggling mentally with everything and I sent her a last message on when my mom’s funeral was happening and where at. I told her my mom would appreciate her being there since my mom always thought of her as a daughter. She never even opened my message.

4 months later my boyfriend asked me to move in with him and to bring my brother because he can see me breaking down. I moved across the country for him. I moved from Illinois to Washington and it was a huge change for me but a good one. I started posting about my adventures with my boyfriend and being in Washington and that’s when she finally tried texting me again.

She send me a message that said “ hey sorry I didn’t text you:(!! I was just super busy with Jose (her boyfriend). I saw you moved!!! You should invite me over one day and lmk if I can bring Jose!!:)"

I was astonished at her audacity to be honest. She didn’t acknowledge my mother’s death at all. It felt like she wanted a free vacation and that’s it. I ended up just blocking her and I didn’t hear anything from her until a couple months after that.

She’d occasionally make a new account and say “ hey I miss you pls talk to me:(“ and I just blocked her without an explanation over and over again. Until recently her cousin texted me. She asked me to hear out my ex bff. That it hurts her so much that I won’t talk to her. That she needs me. She doesn’t know what to do without me. But I feel like I don’t need her in my life anymore.

I feel guilty because we supported each other through everything. But for her to not be there when my mother passed away…. Hurts like crazy. To not even acknowledge it too. I just wanted to know if I should hear her out or if I’m in the right to just block her and ignore her. AITA?

What do you think? AITA for refusing to hear out her ex-BFF? This is what commenters had to say:

Rude-Royal-5043 said:

Where was she when she needed you? You feel bad because you’re human and have empathy and you once loved this person. That love doesn’t just go away, it hurts because you loved and cared so much for her that you can fathom ever doing what she did to you to her.

Hear her out if you want but all you will be getting are a bunch of excuses, a bunch of woe is me stories, and it most likely will never redeem her for how she discarded you in your time of need.

Protect your peace. Cherish the memories and fun times you once had but remember they were past times. Don’t allow them to cloud your judgement on her. The fact that her first message wasn’t I am so sorry I was unable to be there for you during your time of need or to say my goodbyes to your mom speaks volumes to me. She wants a free place to crash at in your new city.

[deleted] said:

So she needs you now and want to talk to you. But when you needed her at one of the worst times in your life she was no where to be found. She didn't reach out or show up once. And when she finally did she didn't even apologize. You don't owe her anything.

She's not a real friend. Either keep her blocked or if you want to get it off your chest send her a message explaining how you feel then block her. Either way she is not a friend you want in your life. NTA.

And Brandykat said:

You’re the only person who can make that call regarding if you should hear her out or not. However should you choose not to, you wouldn’t be wrong. Sometimes we just outgrow our friendships. I had to break up with my best friend, and I have no regrets.

She later shared this update:

I have been showing my now husband the comments you guys made and talking to him on if I’m gonna hear her out or not. I think I came up with the conclusion to hold off until I’m at a good mental spot and health wise too. I am expecting our first baby on November and we’ve been having some preeclampsia scares since my blood pressure is high.

So he’s concerned that the stress will be bad for me. Also he thinks it’ll be easier for her to manipulate me since I’m honestly a super emotional person as is and we both feel like it’ll be easier to manipulate right now since I’m basically at the end of my pregnancy.

I will update you guys again if I decide to confront her but I’m honestly scared that it’s gonna do nothing but disappoint me. I feel like I do need to hear her out so I don’t have regrets about not listening to her but deep down I know she’ll give me a bullshit excuse. So I gave birth on early November!! So sorry for the delay but I’ve been busy.

I posted my baby two weeks ago and I guess she heard that I had my baby and reached out one more time. She was friendly like she was last time and I told her to just spit out what she wanted. I couldn’t have guess that she’s been bothering me for this.

She wanted me to become a surrogate for her…… she said we can do everything under the table I guess. She offered me 5k to carry her baby and that she wanted me to get pregnant asap. ??‍♀️ she said “ if you can get pregnant by February so I can have a holiday baby like you:) “ she said she wanted to visit with her boyfriend and that we can do the old turkey baster method to get pregnant. I’m shocked.

I don’t understand why she would think that I’d get pregnant for her. Especially knowing how I struggle without being pregnant because of all my health issues. I just ended up telling her no and to not ever reach out to me again… that I would never do anything for her and to just finally close that chapter in her book where I was always there for her because I won’t be here to support her again.

Once again I’m sorry for the delay but I’m just disappointed… I hoped that she wanted to reach out to apologize or idk I just wanted to feel better about how are friendship ended but I guess I know now to never open those doors again and have her in my life. It’ll be easy since I don’t live in Illinois with her but still I just wanna cry and i think im gonna contact my therapist again. Thank you everyone once again…