"AITA for blocking a woman on my husband’s instagram?"

Losing my mind because of this fight with my husband and trying to figure out if my anger is justified. My (28F) husband (31M) has been going through a big career/life change and has been going out more than ever before. I want to support him every time he wants to do something social, but with a toddler and current high risk pregnancy I have limitations.

Because of that our marriage has been strained for a while. Back in May he went out to dinner, which turned into a bar, and then that turned into a night out where he didn’t get home until 4:30 am. Please note: even when we were younger and childfree he didn’t stay out this late.

I woke up to an empty bed and was shocked to find he wasn’t home at 4am. I called him, and told him he needed to come home now. He didn’t argue and came back, but when he got home my insecurities took over and I asked to look at his phone.

I saw that he had followed a gorgeous woman on Instagram and she followed him back. I started asking if this is he was with until 4am. He said he had met her earlier in the night and they talked for a while as friends because she just moved to our city after a divorce… I told him to block her because I’m uncomfortable with their new “friendship”.

He refused calling me crazy because it was innocent and he can have female friends. I responded saying I might be crazy and hormonal (5months pregnant) and insecure but I’m not okay with this and I took his phone and blocked her from his IG. He slept in the guest room that night.

I thought that was the end of if. Until 3 months later after another similar fight I got a feeling to look at his phone again. I found out that he had unblocked and refollowed her. I looked at their messages and he had responded to a story with a fire emoji as well.

I confronted him while crying and saying it makes me feel insecure and hurts my feelings, but he’s now twisted it into me not trusting him and being controlling of his friendships.

There are a lot of problems in our marriage right now but this feels like the straw that will break the camels back because he won’t apologize for doing something he knew would just hurt my feelings.

I feel like making his wife feel confident and secure while she’s pregnant is more important than a random girl he met on a night out but he’s insisting I’m crazy and I shouldn’t be angry about this. Even more, that I should apologize to him for being controlling.

Do I have a right to be so mad and hurt by this or am I the @$$hole for blocking her on his instagram again?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Rinzy2000 said:

Idk where this is, but where I am, there is literally no things to do after 2am when the bar closes, except go to a private residence. Where was husband between 2-4:30? Don’t blame that icky feeling in your gut on hormones. Your husband is having some kind of midlife crisis and he is not being truthful to you. His actions are not those of a man who is supposed to be in a committed relationship with children.

Idk but for me, that would be a fucking dealbreaker. NTA. I’m sorry your husband is treating you poorly, but put your chin up, figure out what you want to do about this, then do it. Don’t raise your kids in a house where their father doesn’t show basic respect to their mother.

QueenMother81 said:

Nah he was wrong as hell to stay out late. He broke trust with his behavior. He was behaving as a single man and he still is. She’s not the problem, he is. If you are insecure in your relationship when you never have been before, it’s because of changed behavior. He knows that he is in the wrong. Start moving accordingly. He is showing you he is his own priority, believe him.

Nvrfinddisacct said:

Call his mom today and ask her to come stay and help during your high risk pregnancy. Because you DO need the help especially with a toddler. Since he thinks it’s fine to stay out all night and isn’t doing jacksh!t to be a good husband and father.

And 0xLucass said:

The wife/family is always the priority

She later shared this small update:

Thank you for all your responses. I should say that I know he isn’t cheating with this girl. I think for him he refollowed her because to him “it’s the principle of the thing” that he should have freedom to follow and talk to whoever he wants. There is a bar where we are that does stay open until 5am and I tracked his location so I know he was there.

I’m pissed about the super late night as well and we’ve had problems with his time coming home often. To him if he’s having fun and the kids are asleep he shouldn’t have to come home. It’s been a constant battle because I can see he has a point, there’s no reason for him to come home (shared responsibility wise) other than the fact it makes me feel weird he wants to stay out.

And then she added:

He had another late night out last week which brought the fight up again. My son was born in October but I was trying to explain I had a high risk pregnancy at the time this happened.