Boyfriend catches GF having affair with his dad; BF and Mom plot MAJOR REVENGE. AITA? UPDATED 2X

When this man is horrified by his GF and dad's relationship, he asks the internet:

"I caught my GF having relations with my dad, my mom and I are getting major revenge. AITA?"

I’m on mobile so I apologise for the formatting. Throwaway for privacy reasons.So to start I M(22) have been with my soon to be ex gf Kate (fake name) F(21) for just shy of 3 years. Our relationship throughout the 3 years has been amazing. She had always been kind and supportive and very open and honest with me.

We had dates often, our love making life was great, we had very few arguments but when we did get into a disagreement we managed to communicate and come to an understanding before long. I believed our relationship to be healthy and loving but apparently I was wrong. Onto the story.

About a week ago, I had started to notice that Kate was becoming very touchy about me being on or around her phone, this was odd to me because not only had she always let me use her phone to make calls if mine was flat or I didn’t have immediate access to mine but she had also downloaded games for me to play on her phone so she could distract me when she wanted to watch her shows.

Kate began snapping at me for asking to borrow her phone or snatching it out of my hand if i was so much as moving it away from the edge of the counter so it wouldn’t fall and whenever I questioned her behaviour she brushed it off and explained...

she was “just in a bad mood” her constant dismissal of my noticeable confusion began to annoy me so I asked her if she was hiding anything from me which lead to an argument about her saying I was accusing her of infidelity and not trusting her and began trying to get physical with me in which case i shut the argument down and told her to sleep in the guest bedroom.

She was very angry about it but I told her we would talk about it in the morning.

When we did talk about it she apologised for her behaviour and gave me her phone, I told her I trusted her and I didn’t need to go through it and to be frank I did trust her and I believed her outburst to be due to the ongoing stress at work which was clearly stupid of me.

The next day I noticed she had gotten a missed from my father. I had never known my father to like Kate or even have her contact at that, in fact I was convinced they both disliked each other.

At any and every family event they would often argue or make snarky remarks at one another until we would have to leave due to the tense atmosphere they had created...

so I decided to ask Kate why my father had called her, she physically froze and mumbled an excuse about it being my birthday soon and he had planned something but my father and I were never very close so I didn’t understand why he would but I played it off and decided to go about my day.

Then the following night I had texted her explaining that I had a late shift and I would be back around 10pm latest (which I did) we ended up being dismissed early due to an incident regarding our manager and a few staff and so I was heading home by 7pm I tried calling her but she had her phone off so I assumed it had gone flat or she had turned it off (which she does often at home)

when I made it home I noticed my fathers car two houses down from ours and so I tried calling him but his phone was also turned off which I found odd because my mother likes his phone to be on so she can call him when she needs him (she’s handicapped)

I assumed my mother was with him so I opened the door quietly to surprise her as I haven’t seen her in a while and I was met with the sight of my girlfriend bent over the kitchen counter with my father behind her.

They both froze and started profusely yelling and telling me it wasn’t what it looked like and that they could explain but I shut and locked the door from the outside (deadbolt) and made my way to a friends house.

Since then they’ve both been blowing up my phone apologising and begging me not to say anything to anyone and quite frankly I’m just disgusted.

Disgusted in my father who is turning 60 next month and has my mother to take care of and disgusted in Kate who was getting railed by my father for who knows how long.

I honestly just want to throw up and set them both on fire, but i’m most worried about how my mother will take this situation as she’s very dependent on my father and adores him.

How should I go about this? I don’t need closure or to confront them, I don’t want to know how their gross relationship started or how long it’s been going on for. I just need advice on how to approach the situation without causing a bigger mess than there is. Any advice is welcome. And also, AITA? Thankyou for reading.

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

datguy writes:

Unbelievable.... From OOP's gf, to his father, to his MATERNAL grandparents and everyone else asking that they "let bygone be bygones: all are TRASH!

How could his father and gf be rawdogging each other like that behind his back?! How can she be saying the baby is his? How can the maternal grandparents say shit like that to their daughter who is a victim in all this?!

Some people, for real! The things they let happen for appearances sake! I'm glad OOP took care of it straight away....

Also, super big yucky yikes to gf and OOP's dad having the sexies with a 40 year gap between them. That's just nasty on top of all the nasty, I just can't.

fin writes:

nta. his father is so disgusting. if i became disabled, to me it goes without saying that my partner could have se% with other people as long as taking care of me was still his top priority. but even for such arrangement what OOP's father did was beyond unforgivable.

kate is a horrible person too but i doubt a 22 years-old would start banging an old man if he didn't manipulated her into doing it. and their kid's life is gonna be SO horrible and messed up, i honestly hope she miscarries so no one else has to suffer because of them.

fop12 writes:

NTA! First and foremost, I applaud you for handling this situation with admirable strength and unwavering resilience. Second, pardon my language, your dad is a conniving, egotistic, idiotic, and selfish son of a b who deserves to live his life in isolation and regret.

Third, your maternal grandparents are apparently as idiotic as your dad and ironically they have a commonality, none of them deserves you or your mom. Fourth, your ex is a vacuous nymphomaniac who like your father, deserves to live her life in isolation and regret.

Lastly, I wish that from this day forward, you'll have a great life and a loyal partner to spend it with someday because you deserve it. I hope 2023 is kinder to you sir.

findine4 writes:

NTA. Please get a lawyer and let them know what’s going on. You’ve changed addresses and phone number and I wouldn’t put it pass this lady to set up a court date to force you being named the dad or falsifying info to get you on the birth certificate.

It’s all a ploy to continue taking advantage and stay in your life. Give the lawyer all her contact information, your dad’s info, and her parents information. Don’t wait for her to set up a dna test. Demand a test upon birth and have your lawyer set it up to keep tabs on her.

goundfe writes:

NTA. Not that you need any explanation, I am very curious to know what they intended it to look like? Whatever excuse they give is surely going to be made up. They would really look silly to themselves about the excuse that they make up

I would rather go on thinking that, oh your dad stopped over to show me a few new positions we could try out. Or that it was an accident and that dad came over to make amends since you both were heading towards a committed relationship.

And by accident as they made amends, his zipper became undone and ended up stabbing her from behind. Or that he just came over to give her his blessing...

Whatever the case is. I am sorry that you are going through this. Remember it is not your fault. It takes two to tango. Both of them are equally to blame. You don't deserve this.

Update 1:

Hey Guys, I apologise for not updating you all sooner a lot has happened since my last post but a big thanks to those who messaged and commented with advice and kind words.

Small Update Summary: For those who didn’t see my small update. As per someone’s advice I asked my mother to lunch and after some small talk, informed her of the situation, she was understandably upset and in denial about the situation as my father had spoken to her prior about me still holding a grudge

(a story for another time) and that I would be likely to come up with a lie to turn her against him for “revenge” but after showing her the messages they had sent afterward she was distraught and visibly angry about the ordeal.

I then asked her If she would be comfortable with me sending an email to our relevant family members and Kate’s parents and siblings and while she was a little reluctant about it she had said she didn’t want the backlash from his family for leaving him.

I then did just that, I sent an email explaining the situation and that my mother and I would be going NC with both Kate and my father and LC with anyone who gave either of us any grief for our decision. Now she is staying with her older sister while I’m with a close mate until we can figure out a stable living situation for us both.

Now onto the actual update. After the email was sent there was radio silence for a day or two before both my mother and I were bombarded with a mix of messages that i’ll just summarise in small paragraphs.

Kate’s parents were evidently enraged that I “accuse[d] [their] daughter of such a thing” and that they would be suing me for defamation on their daughters behalf I then took the liberty of sending...

them the screenshots from both Kate’s and my fathers messages and they left me on seen for a couple days before replying to me and informing me that while they wouldn’t sue me they would appreciate if I kept the situation under wraps.

My father was the first to message my mother, attempting to convince her that I staged the messages and that I was being petty and lying, and when she wouldn’t believe him he accused her of cheating on him and trying to find a way out of their marriage

(which evidently isn’t possible for my mother as she has trouble getting from place to place on her own) he then apologised and told her he was just frustrated and asked to see her and when she declined he again accused her of cheating and staying with her lover while “abandoning him”

My maternal grandparents and paternal grandparents had very different messages and not in the way I thought they would. My paternal grandparents apologised for his behaviour and told my mother that if she needed support in the future they were available and informed her they would be disowning and going NC with my father.

My maternal grandparents however despite being the people that raised her told her that due to her injury and not being able to fulfil “[her] husbands needs” it was only right of him to look elsewhere for fulfilment and while they understood that it was “wrong because it was [my partner]”

Kate was available for him and my mother should forgive him and move on. They also made a point to state that my mother needs my father more than he needs her.

Kates two older sisters reached out and thanked me for telling them and informed us that if we (my mother and i) needed any assistance in the future in regards to my mothers health (as one is an elderly caretaker and the other is a physiotherapist) that they were willing to help.

These aren’t all the messages but they’re the relevant ones. I’ll make a part 2 so this post doesn’t get too long.

Update 2:

My mother and I gave ourselves a few days to get through all the messages and phone calls and blocked my maternal grandparents as well as my father (my mother didn’t already have him blocked).

I contacted my landlord and realestate agent and informed them briefly of the situation, and I was no longer living on the premises and that I would like to have my name taken off the lease...

luckily our lease was being renewed in that coming week and the next day they contacted Kate to inform her that I had taken my name off the lease for the following month and in the next week if she was unable to take on my portion of rent she would have 3 months to vacate the property.

I don’t know how she reacted but I could tell it wasn’t overly ecstatic as her parents contacted me and asked if despite everything I would be willing to pay for her rent “just for his month because she doesn’t have the money for it at the moment” Obviously I declined and told them that I no longer have anything to do with her anymore.

They then informed me she was pregnant with my child and “needed assistance from the father of her baby” and “this would be a last goodbye” I then laughed and told them I most definitely wasn’t the father of that baby if she was pregnant and if she needed assistance from her baby daddy to contact my father, then I hung up and blocked them.

On a brighter note my mother and I have just put a down payment on a house together and are looking into hiring a caregiver to help my mother for when I have work or trips out of state.

My father has attempted to call both of us from multiple phone numbers and had numerous family members try to persuade my mother into meeting up with him to chat, and as a result my mother and I have gotten a new phone numbers to avoid his mess.

I also happened to hear from a mate that Kate is trying to hire a lawyer so she can get child support money from me but apparently because she has no proof I’m the father and refuses to take a DNA test of the baby she hasn’t had any luck.

Edit 1: I forgot to mention it above as I didn’t see it as important when writing this, but Kate is apparently 5 weeks pregnant. We haven’t been intimate for just under two months, so the baby is unlikely to be mine. If it is, I will pay child support but I want proof before I pay her money for a baby that may or may not be mine.

Edit 2: Just to clarify, Kate and I weren’t having issues during the time we weren’t intimate, I was too tired to initiate due to work commitments and at the time I assumed she was as well but it’s likely her needs were met by either my father or other parties.

Edit 3: Something else I forgot to mention, Yes I did get an test for STI’s and UTI’s and any sort of infections I may not be aware of and all tests came back negative so I’m in the clear in that sense.

Readers continued to weigh in on OP's updates:

crime11 writes:

The mother's parents sound like the worse assholes to be honest. There's the act which is bad, then there's excusing the act which is worse. You can get away with holding ancient morals that are repugnant today, right up until you act on them.

And now those undoubtedly ancient people have seemingly ruined their relationship with their daughter and they probably don't have the time left for her to forgive them properly either.