'AITA for breaking up with my BF of 10 years after he proposed during my best friend's wedding?' UPDATED

"AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend of 10 years after he proposed during my best friend's wedding?"

Suspicious-Tree-642

My (36F) best friend Amy (37F) just got married last week. I was her Maid of Honor and I worked to the bone to make sure her wedding was a success. For the most part it did went well.

My friend looked beautiful, the food was great, the flowers and decorations incredible. She was so happy and it made me feel proud I was part of the group that work to give her such an important day.

Amy and I have been friends since we were in elementary school. We've reached all our milestones since together, went to the same college, even live in the same neighborhood. She's the closest I have to a sister and even our parents joke we're reborn twins.

Needless to say, Amy is one of the most important people in my life. At the end of my Masters I met Danny (31M). He hired me as a tutor and after a few sessions asked me out. I had never dated someone younger, but he was very sweet and I liked him, so I said yes.

We've been together since. He had an older brother, Bobby (39M) who was introduced to Amy in a house party I hosted a few years later. The two were immediately taken with each other and they started to date. Eventually Bobby asked Amy to marry him.

During the wedding preparation, Danny casually mentioned how it would be a cute idea to propose during his brother's wedding. Bobby agreed, but both Amy and I immediately shut it down. I told Danny I found that kind of thing tacky.

A person's wedding is a special day for them and tainting it with stealing the attention was just wrong. After that they stopped talking about it, so we kept going with the preparations.

At the wedding reception, Bobby suddenly stopped the music to make an 'announcement'. He said the day was very special as he was marrying the love of his life and kept singing praises to Amy.

I thought it was a cute gesture so I just moved to sit on my chair to listen to the speech. Then Bobby said a sentence that made me dread what was coming: 'And now the day is more special thanks to my brother's announcement'.

Suddenly Danny was in front of me, kneeling with a box. Amy was in tears and ran out. I screamed at Danny, telling him he was a jerk and went after Amy. At first she was angry at me, think I was involved in it. So were the other bridesmaids.

Thankfully one of the girls had seen me call out Danny and told the others about it. I told Amy I would never do this to her. We hugged and we all got out of the venue to Amy's suite. We found out later through one of the men's mother that Bobby gave Danny permission without speaking to Amy about it.

I called Danny that same night to tell him we were through and I wanted him out of my apartment by the end of the week. I sent my mom to pick up my dog and parrot, just to make sure he didn't do anything to them or take them with him.

He ended up taking my TV and game consoles (I had them since before he moved in), but his mother was nice enough to bring the consoles back. For all I care, he can keep the stupid TV.

Amy is now trying to get her marriage annuled since she feels she can't trust Bobby. The boys' mother has been nothing but a saint to us. She even paid back to Amy the money she spent on the wedding and told her to use the honeymoon with one of her friends.

So Amy and I are now packing to go to Australia. She and Bobby had postpone it for a month so they could get a whole month of vacation. I am a freelancer that works from home, so I'll just take my laptop.

Since this whole fiasco, Danny has been blowing up my phone. Some of his friends have joined in this to, claiming I'm an AH for throwing out a ten years relationship over a mistake.

That he only wanted to make a cute gesture to prove how much he loves me. Except the cute gesture was taking over my best friend's wedding after I had said how much I dislike that kind of stuff. Still, a part of me feels I'm overreacting. So am I the AH in this?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

Super_Selection1522

You both told them no, and they did it anyway. Neither of you wants to deal with that sort of crap for the rest of your lives. You've both dodged a bullet. NTA.

canuckleheadiam

Add Danny stealing her television and game console to that.

NTA.

Cookiemamajr

NTA. I don’t understand why people are so stupid as to do something that they have SPECIFICALLY been told not to do, then try to defend themselves by saying “but I thought you’d like it!” Their mom gets it!

Thisisthenextone

So he wanted to prove how much he loved you by doing something you already told him you'd hate? No. They wanted to peer pressure you into accepting. NTA.

Suspicious-Tree-642 OP responded:

I have a feeling you are right. I'm honesty not big on PDA. I hate public proposals and big gestures. Even if we did marry, I would have asked for a very small or no ceremony at all.

Foreign_Operation_10

NTA, they made you and Amy props in their show. Bobby and Danny are the types that don’t value the personhood and preferences of others. They expected you (and Amy) to melt under the romantic gesture like a crappy romantic movie. Gross. Did they learn this from tv? Fortunately not from their mother, she sounds like a legit gem. Bummer she won’t get to be your MIL.

OP came back to the post and added this update:

To the people PMing me to call me names or insult me, have the ba%$s to post in public or just leave me alone. I have no interest in cowards that hurl insults in private. Also for the record: Even if it had been the perfect proposal, for my own reason I would have refused to marry. We were not in marriage talks. Far from it.

I'm going to do a quick update since after this. To begin with Amy and I are almost at the date to leave. Bobby and her have been talking and agreed to couple therapy after we return from Australia. I've also talk with him and he apologized to me. He didn't know how fractured my relationship with his brother was, but figured it out by the way Danny acted after we broke up.

For the people telling me I should have given him a chance or that he wanted to do a gesture out of love, you are insane. It wasn't love, but him trying not to lose his meal ticket. Bobby told me after our break up, Danny began to bad talk me to his family. Claiming I stole all his money, his apartment, his pets, etc.

He even started to claim he was going to sue me. All of our stuff in the apartment was paid by me. Our pets were -my- pets. The dog was my birthday gift and I've had my parrot since I was in middle school.

At first Bobby was on his brother's side until he noticed Danny wasn't working ever. When he asked Danny about his job, Danny fessed up and admitted that all the money he had was what I would give him. Apparently he still refuses to work, instead couch surfing from friend to friend.

Apparently Danny admitted to Bobby he wanted to marry me mostly because I was -okay- with him not working and he didn't want a wife nagging him about work. He could play all day while I paid all the bills and did the house chores. Bobby was very apologetic, but I told him it was fine. It wasn't. I just don't want to throw more wood to the fire when Amy and him are trying to somewhat get things worked out.

I still have another four months on my lease, so I'll be moving in December. I have to admit, these last weeks being single have been the best I've had in forever. I'm happier, healthier, and I've been able to cut my hours at work without risking being paycheck to paycheck.

Last, to the people saying because I'm in my 30s this might have been my last chance, gtfo. I'm not interested in a traditional 'family' being a wifey and popping out babies left and right. I am more than happy being in a child-free partnership without some wedding.

It's not me being 'feminist' or woke or whatever. It's just I find weddings stupid and I dislike children. I respect women that can live a traditional life, but that's not for me. And no, I never recovered my TV. A small price to pay to get my life back.

Btw, I appreciate the supporting PMs, but as I said when I started this post, this is a throwaway. I plan to delete it later in the week. Thank you for the good advice and sorry if I didn't answer all comments or Pms.