'AITA for breaking up with my BF and moving out over something his mom did?'

"AITAH for moving out over something my bf’s mom said?"

My bf and I (both 27) have been together for 1 and a half years and moved into an apartment 6 months ago. He had a job opportunity 3 hours away and I moved with him. Before this I had met his mother once (she lives in a different state) and thought things went fine. We would exchange niceties over text message to say happy bday, happy holidays, etc.

A few months after her initial visit she came for another, this time staying with us. I was working the first 2 days she was there and thought things were going fine aside from a few comments which I tried to brush aside.

BF had been wanting a dog for a while and on day 2 she brought up again that he should get one. Him and I had discussed this previously with me saying now isn’t the time for us to get a dog and expressing that I wanted to be engaged before making a 10+ year commitment to an animal I would be doing most of the work for considering I work from home and he does not, not to mention the financial commitment.

Later on that day, after he and his mother went “shopping” while I was working, they came home with a breeder already contacted, the dog already claimed and a designated pickup time, and a vet visit already set up. I was extremely unhappy and told my bf as much.

Next day, we go to get the dog with my bf knowing my disapproval. This was a 2hr car ride, both ways. I was clearly unhappy about the situation and after only an hour in the car his mother has an outburst, screaming that my bf and I are “not well suited and she can’t stand it”

“so incompatible you can’t even agree on a dog” and my favorite of her telling my bf “if you want a dog, you don’t have to ask someone. you get a f***ing dog” and said it was so sad that he felt like he needed my “permission to do anything."

She went on to say my bf waits on me hand and foot (I did all of our laundry, cooking, etc), doesn’t approve of us living together and I should have been willing to make the 3+ hour drive to see him instead, that we would be doing a disservice if we got engaged let alone married, and said she couldn’t wait to leave and never come back.

I spent most of the car ride and rest of the day in tears but tried to play nice knowing she would be leaving the next day. All my bf said during the 4 hours of screaming was basically “be quiet” and “you’re making everyone uncomfortable and need to apologize” to which she refused. The rest of the night she talked to him about what he would be naming and doing with HIS dog, not including me whatsoever.

Fast forward to the next day when she was going home. I spent most of the morning in the bedroom after what happened the previous day but came out to say goodbye. When I did she proudly proclaimed that my bf “had changed her flight and she was staying with us another day to cook burgers and watch football”. She had previously said she felt unwelcome, unhappy, and didn’t want to stay with us in the first place.

I barely said a word and went back to the bedroom. My bf later came in and I expressed how uncomfortable I felt and how unhappy I was after the previous day with his excuse being he “thought we could smooth things over”.

Afterward he went back to the living room and said something to his mother who I then heard screaming and slamming doors for over an hour while I hid in the bedroom, telling him I was a b&*$h, a motherf**#$, always out to get her and never liked her, a nutjob, told him good luck if he stuck with me because i’m crazy, etc.

Within the few weeks after this happened I basically broke up with him for not protecting me and letting his mother treat me like that in addition to the dog fiasco and have moved most of my things out of the apartment. My friends and family understand but my bf and other members of his family feel like I’m being dramatic because “she’s acted this way to everyone in the family at one point or another” and “that’s just how she is."

My bf has basically said “she had a meltdown, so what? I can’t control her and we should move on”. Am I justified for dumping my boyfriend over something his mother did or AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

chaingun_samurai said:

“that’s just how she is”. "We know she's batshit crazy and we enable it."

Nope. No thanks. NTA.

Imaginary-Yak-6487 said:

I hate that for you. I hate that phrase, oh that’s just how they are. What they are is an @$$hole. Glad you got out & dodged the mama & mama’s boy bullet.

Sea_Firefighter_4598 said:

NTA. That's just how she is and that's just how you are. You don't put up with people like her. Boyfriend might be finding the puppy a lot to handle.

gobsmacked247 said:

Not only were you justified, I tip my hat that you got out when you did!!!! Bravo OP!!! If you want to see what your future could have looked like, head over to r/justnomil for some doozies!!!!

And nmeerajasey said:

NTA at all. So sorry that she treated you so badly. The decision to get a dog should be between you and your BF, but he instead made the decision with his mother. And “that’s just how she is?” Uh? So she’s an AH and they’re okay with it? They’re enabling it? No way, you are not obligated to put up with that BS. You were right to walk away, you don’t need that in your life. Glad you have the support of your family!