Bride admits; 'My wedding is creating a family financial crisis.' AITA?

"AITA - won’t pay for all my mom’s guests at my wedding?"

I am planning my Wedding with a budget for 200 people. At the beginning of the planning process, I told my parents that they could invite 20 guests each. If they wanted to invite more than 20 guests, they would have to cover the costs of any additional guests (roughly $150 per head).

My mom ended up inviting 50 guests (meaning I would cover the costs for 20 of her guests but she would have to cover the costs for 30 of her guests).

The vendor payments are now due and and she is refusing to cover her costs. She is playing the victim and has said the following things:

she can’t afford to pay as agreed; she will ask each of her 30 extra guests to cover their own costs; She does not think she will enjoy the wedding so I should remove her AND her guests from the guest list.

She is seeking a loan from the bank to pay for those costs. I have killed all her excitement and spirit. I am really at a loss here.

Our budget has already gone way over and I can’t stretch myself to cover these unexpected costs. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought:

eduamon writes:

NTA, you told her clearly what the limits were. She knowingly exceeded them. You're on a budget, they either need to cover their costs, she does, or they're just not invited. That simple.

Honestly letting your PARENTS invite even 20 people is absurd to me. Who are these people, do you know them? If you did, why are your parents inviting them and not you?

Its your wedding, not your parents. Maybe you're just in a country where these big weddings are more important (India, maybe?), but around here you'd invite your parents and give them a +1 as a couple. YOU would invite the guests, and each set of guests could bring one other person (at most) without running it by you and getting your approval first.

That mom is playing the "Oh, well I guess none of us will come then" card, I'm leaning on it NOT being someplace like India and she's just trying to show off to all of her friends using your wedding, which is not cool.

tdulxuon writes:

NTA. That is a big extra bill she is dumping on you. You're already paying for her to invite 20 people, that is a lot already, way more than most people would allow. 50 people is ridiculous. Also, she knew from the start that she would have to pay for everyone over 20... why was she inviting them if she doesn't have the money for it?

If she wants to make them pay for their own costs, that's pretty rude but I guess its her prerogative... BUT she should have already done it, the bill is due NOW, asking them in the future doesn't help.

Also she should be clear with them that she is the reason that they are having to pay, not you. It's not fair for her to make you look rude/cheap to all of these people when she is the one that created this whole debacle.

fraonther writes:

NTA. I just saw another post about a mom going nuts because the bride didn't want the mom's boyfriend walking her down the aisle. There are some many chances for drama to occur with events like this.

What really really gets me though is the entitlement of the people who aren't getting married. Those entitled AHs always turn blame back on the engaged couple and abuse/manipulate the situation to get whatever they want. They threaten to no-show. They threaten on going relationships. They make you feel bad for them not getting their way at YOUR wedding.

Enforce your boundaries. You were clear, upfront, and honest. It seems incredibly clear that your mother never intended to pay you. She is taking advantage of you. She is expecting you to incur another $5k in payments or debt so she can have an extra 30 people there.

She is claiming she has lost her excitement??? are you kidding me? You, her child, is getting married and she lost excitement about that because she isn't getting her way? she can't have a good time with 20 of her friends/relatives there with dancing, drinking, food, and the wedding?

OP, I think you need to sit your mother down and have a firm and potentially uncomfortable conversation about what is and is not acceptable. Your mother is a grown ass woman, not a child. She needs to get over herself and support you, her daughter, with the decisions you need to make and which she agreed to in advance.

connund writes:

NTA. Wow, your mom really is centring herself in your wedding. So much drama in those statements. Does she have a fainting couch to fall back onto as she proclaims these things? Is she always like this?