Bride asks if she 'overreacted' about guests wanting to watch her open shower gifts.
Everyone bride's biggest fear is getting accused of being a 'bridezilla'...
With all the expectations and traditions associated with being a bride, it isn't surprising that the the pressure can crack a few otherwise normal personalities. So, when a conflicted bride decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet about an awkward misunderstanding with her bridal shower gifts, people were ready to weigh in.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) for getting upset about bridal shower gifts?
I just had my bridal shower near where my family lives on the East Coast. My fiancé and I live all the way in California, and prior to my bridal shower requested that any gift purchased (with th
e exception of cash) be sent to our address in CA. Our registry contained all sorts of things, many of which are fragile like china, wine flutes, etc…
It seemed like a no-brainer to politely ask if people could have their gifts shipped to us to avoid the hassle of opening things and then having to pack them back up and ship them to the literal other side of the country. I even suggested that people wrap up a picture of the gift so I could open that instead.
Well, the day came and I’d noticed I’d barely received any gifts at my house. I figured maybe a lot of people just decided to give cash? Nope. Most people (40 guests total) decided to bring their gifts and had me open them in person. I was so upset, I wanted to cry.
The whole time I was thinking I had 2 options: either ship all of these fragile gifts back to CA, or return them all and then buy them again and send them to my address. The thing is, my flight left to go back home the day after my shower, so now I’m stuck waiting on my mother to return everything for me.
She said it’s hundreds of dollars to ship everything, so she’s just going to return it all to the companies they came from and then I can re-buy EVERYTHING. But she’s not one to hustle with things that aren’t about her, and told me she’ll get around to it eventually.
She mentioned I was overreacting about this and that people just want to see me open stuff. It just sucked to feel like people just wanted to see their actual gift get opened at my shower and didn’t care how inconvenient it really was for me.
I’m going to have to wait months to actually get to enjoy this stuff/purchase all the gifts over again with all of the store credit. AITA for wanting people to send their shower gifts directly to me?
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:
ElleBeaBishop said:
NTA whatsoever. Some of these people don’t understand east coast traditions, and since you said to ship them to you in Cali, it was rude of people to bring them in person. A similar thing happened at my wedding and just ugh it was a hassle.
Chimples10 said:
NTA. And I don't at all agree with 'they want to see you open it' speal. Getting someone a gift is about doing a kindness for the other person. It shouldn't be about the gift giver.
And you gave them a super creative out (wrap a picture) that would have produced the same effect anyway.
This whole situation would have given me serious anxiety and I would have felt completely disrespected. The occasion was for you and about you... your wishes should have been honored.
Tomatothongs said:
NTA. They could’ve brought photos of the gift, as stated, and then they’d still get to see your expression upon opening them which is still cool for the guests. You went out there to make it easier on your guests who were attending sooo. You don’t seem greedy or gift grabby.
Don’t just donate the stuff though (if you haven’t already) if you have lots of family up there maybe just have someone hold onto the gifts for awhile and then when you have the money have things shipped a few at a time if possible?
newjerseygoldrush said:
NTA. I live on the east coast and have planned, attended, and been the subject of many showers. I don’t know anyone in the last ten years who has actually opened gifts at their bridal or baby shower because it’s tacky as fuck. You’re showering the honoree with love and good wishes.
Choosing not to ship the gift when that’s the listed preference is the same as buying off the registry IMO. Yes, you should still be grateful for the gift…but at the same time, why aren’t they giving you something they know you want?
IllustriousPomelo152 said:
NTA. Your guests were inconsiderate and probably didn't realize just how much chaos they would cause. I can imagine your distress as you opened things and wondered how to pack them for a cross-country trip!
You were clear about your preferences and your guests disregarded them. Kinda selfish really. I don't know what else you could have done. Sorry this happened to you!
rutfilthygers said:
NTA. It's a reasonable request that the bride not be burdened with having to spend hundreds of dollars shipping her own gifts across the country.
notorioussnowflake said:
NTA. You specifically told the people not to bring gifts and yet they still brought them in person. I don't see how that's 'bridezilla' behavior.
So, there you have it...
Everyone was in agreement here that this bride wasn't wrong to expect her guests to follow her directions and save her an expensive chore. Note to all wedding guests: it's in your best interest not to upset the bride!