Bride bans best friend and his wife from wedding, 'they HID theirs from me.' AITA? 'They cried.'

"AITA for not wanting to invite my best friend and his wife to my wedding after they hid theirs from me?"

I’m 29F my partner and I are planning to get married soon. My childhood best friend more like a brother (he is like my family) had always been a constant in my life. Over the years, he had several relationships, and I was always there for him without judgment.

In December 2023, a close friend of mine from another country came to visit India. I introduced her to him casually,. They hooked up soon after, and from what I was told, it was nothing serious. They became serious. They got engaged secretly and eventually married in Bali last fall.

I wasn’t aware about it. In fact, no one from his family was even there. I found out because his mom, who was in shock, called me crying. She said her son had told them he was going on vacation, and then suddenly, he was married. She even asked me to be there while confronting him, but I was too stunned and emotionally drained to get involved.

Meanwhile, I had always been open with them, sharing details about my own life and relationship, never once suspecting they were hiding such huge milestones. After their wedding, they started contacting me with their marital problems, hoping I could play mediator. I tried twice.

I also told them I was hurt they kept everything from me. They apologized and said they wanted to keep things private (even though everyone from her side of the family was there) thanked me for introducing them. Apparently, her family feels conscious around people from my country, so they decided not to invite anyone. I accepted their apology, but emotionally, something had shifted.

Then, on my 29th birthday, they both forgot to wish me not that I was expecting much. But what really hit me was that they called me on that very day to ask for help resolving an argument. About food. That’s when I realized how little they respected my time, or maybe even me. I told them, kindly but firmly, that I have my own life and don’t want to be bothered with their trivial issues.

After that, we didn’t speak. Until three days ago when they both called, crying, saying they realized how selfish they’d been and how much they missed me. They asked if we could reconnect when they’re in India next. I just told them I was busy and left it at that.

Now here’s the thing I’m planning my wedding. And a part of me feels no desire to tell them at all. Not out of spite, but because I finally understand the value of emotional boundaries. They made a deliberate choice to exclude me from the most important moment in their lives. Why should I feel guilty about doing the same?

Still, I’m human and there’s a little guilt creeping in. They cried. They apologized. But AITA for not wanting to tell them about my wedding? Or is it just me finally choosing myself after years of one-sided loyalty?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

Suspicious_Lock_527 said:

Nah, you’re not the AH at all. Honestly, it sounds like you were always the one showing up in that friendship, and they only came around when they needed something. They made a conscious choice to keep you out of their biggest moment, and now that it’s your turn, you’re under no obligation to include them.

Crying and apologizing doesn’t undo the fact that they consistently disregarded your feelings and time. It’s okay to protect your peace. Weddings are for celebrating with people who genuinely love and respect you—not those who treat you like a backup therapist. Choose you.

Werewolvesarebetter said:

NTA. I often see people saying, "Be the bigger person." But why? What does that accomplish? The person who behaved badly, selfishly, arrogantly, thoughtlessly, or whatever has no consequences and never learns from their mistakes.

Meanwhile, the wronged person still feels like hell, because nothing was ever resolved. Get married with the people who genuinely love and respect you around you.

If the question of why you didn't invite your "friend" and his wife comes up, just say, "We didn't think you'd want to attend, since you assumed we didn't want to attend yours." Or just give them the hairy eyeball. That generally works.

grayblue_grrl said:

Always choose peace. ALWAYS. NTA.

Long-Oil-5681 said:

NTA, they want something and it's probably big. They both showed you what you mean to them, believe them and move forward.

EDJardin said:

NTA, and stop referring to him as your "best friend" and her as "a close friend" They are not friends, they are users.

Eastern_Condition863 said:

NTA. It sounds like the friendship has been over for some time. You're not not extending an invite out of revenge or pettiness. You're doing it because they no longer fit with the vision you have for your new future and that's okay if that's what you choose. It's okay to let go of friendships and relationships that are no longer serving us.