Bride bans MIL from wedding for rejecting her adopted daughter as flower girl. AITA?
"AITA for telling my mother-in-law that she isn't allowed at our wedding ceremony if she can't accept the fact my daughter will be the flower girl?"
I (25f) am marrying my high school sweetheart (26m) we decided to finally tie the knot after nearly 7 years of dating. I truly love him, and thankfully get along with most of his family.
Expect for his mum. She is continuously nagging at me for not giving her a grandson, I know this may be harmless however my fiance has repeatedly told her that she already has a grandchild. My baby girl (5), she's my best friend's daughter. They sadly passed away, she was my godchild so it only felt right that I should take her in and bring her up in a way I knew her mother, my best friend, would want.
Recently, we have begun getting bridesmaid dresses etc. We both decided to make our newly found daughter a flower girl, she loves flowers and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to help her feel like we take her as our own.
At a recent family gathering my fiance's mother has non-stop been horrible to my baby girl, let's call her Ellie, saying things like, "I simply don't understand why an adopted child should take the place of a true blood" Which simply made my blood boil, along with the many other comments she made.
I pulled her to the side asking her to tone down her comments knowing how much this meant to Ellie, she kept saying I was being rude to my new family by making someone who (in her eyes) has nothing to do with me.
I immediately snapped, feeling outraged by her comments. Ellie is my godchild, and I will always care and love her. She seemed hurt at my words, but I didn't care. Immediately taking me and Ellie out of her house, when my fiance came home he was confused as his mother had said I was being verbally abusive towards her and making threats.
I did no such thing. Anyway, a few days passed and Ellie was upset as she noticed we hadn't seen her cousins who were staying with my fiances. Shoving all my anger up my a%s, I finally decided to try to apologize and head to her house once more.
All was fine until I heard a horrid scream, rushing up the stairs I saw Ellie crying whilst my fiances's mum was standing screaming at her while holding her teddy which her mother made.
They are inseparable and I know how much that means, it's a struggle to even wash the teddy, and I immediately snapped once more at her. She stood embarrassed as the whole family had gathered. She then gained confidence saying she was upset that I had chosen "fake blood", over "real blood."
I think you can choose family, and a friend can be better "real family" then your own. I was upset watching Ellie crying as my husband grabbed the toy taking her away from the heated situation. I finally had enough, saying if she has so much problem with her being the flower girl. She might as well skip the wedding and just join us for the reception.
She began crying, and I did feel bad but I wasn't going to take back what was said. After leaving the "family" has been telling my husband to tell me to apologize, and they aren't messaging me as what I said was harsh. I find that bogus but whatever. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Katana1369 said:
NTA and I hope your fiance has your back on this one. I feel sorry for your daughter. When you and your fiance have children together it's clear his family is going to treat her even worse.
reeserdog said:
NTA. Don’t marry into this family unless your fiancé is willing to tell his mother that if she makes one more negative comment about his daughter you are going NC. Be very careful. Your fiancé was raised by this woman. Make very sure he can truly love your daughter as his own. Ask him will that change if you have biological children. There are massive red flags here.
BeardManMichael said:
NTA. Your mother-in-law can go pound sand. You have done nothing wrong in this situation and if I were you I'd consider if you wanted her at your ceremony at all. She seems like the type to say what you want to hear and then act out anyways at a wedding. It sucks that others are supporting her nasty behavior. I hope your fiance is on your side and realizes just how uncalled for her behavior has been.
murphy2345678 said:
NTA. Why are you even allowing this woman around your daughter? At this point she is abusive and should be banned from the whole thing.
SaltyDangerHands said:
NTA. This is a dealbreaker. Ultimatums are one thing, but you are responsible for this child and therefor cannot have this woman in your life, it's as simple as that. You've done nothing wrong, but you haven't done enough.
Tell your husband she will not be welcome in your home. She will not be around this or any other children you are responsible for. You will not talk to her. He can see her on his own time and at her house or elsewhere. If he has a problem with that, now is the time to make it known.
But I don't think there's any wiggle room on this. You have to protect a vulnerable child from a terrible woman. I'm honestly shocked you didn't just hit her. She certainly had it coming.
She's a bad person. There's no justification for letting a bad person near a child. Simple as that. There's no reason to have a bad person in your life. There's no upside. Any many that witnessed any of that and won't support you probably can't be trusted either. This is all clear as day, from the outside looking in.
JoannaSarai said:
NTA, keep your future MIL away from the child. How awful person must she be to take out her insecurities and whatever the hell is in her mind on 5 yo who lost her entire world and is grieving. Well, f her, this somehow enraged me to the point of forgetting how to curse in English. Awful POS.