'AITA for telling my SIL she can't use my bridal suite for her kid?'
"AITA for telling my SIL she can't use my bridal suite for her kid?"
My F31 and my fiancé M35 are getting married. His brother M41 and his bros wife F34 are due to have a baby any day now. By the time we get married, the kid will be 7 or 8 months old. We live an hour away from my in-laws (bro sis mother and father). The wedding will be 4-5 hours away for us all.
2 Months prior to telling us they were expecting. We had a covno where in very clear terms, they told us, “children are not in our immediate future." At the time they were living with her parents (she’s an only child) and he had switched jobs. So, you can imagine, we were happy but also confused as they went from no kids we aren’t ready to we’re cooking up a kid!
We are having a child-free wedding. The only exception we’ve made to this is my future nephew. My fiance asked his brother to be his best man. My SIL is not involved in any part of the the day except to be my bro in laws +1.
Originally my MIL said that she would be plan my bridal shower with my mom. She casually mentioned to me one day, that she didn’t have the bandwidth to host my bridal shower as she will be helping with childcare for SIL. I don’t understand how the two are related but, my mom will plan a perfectly fine bridal shower without my MIL.
I pushed my wedding dress shopping date back because my MIL didn't want to spend 2 weekends traveling for Dress shopping and a baby shower. My fiancé expected that his brother would plan a bachelor party.
Up until Recently the plan was to take an International trip. But now that he will be a father he won't travel far. My fiancé is not happy about this and has argued some of the domestic destinations they are selecting are further, than some international places.
Now that the baby is due to be here any day, my BIL has preemptively requested that we give them bridal suite (the space on site at the venue where we can get ready, refresh, relax) access to care for the baby.
We were both upset. I am okay with having their child at my wedding because I know how attached parents can be, but I am not okay making accommodations for a child that just as easily could not be at my wedding.
My SIL is an only child. So, we offered to invite her parents understanding they would stay at the airbnb and take care of the baby. They didn’t like this option even though The airbnb is booked and I am not exaggerating when I say this, it is around the corner from the venue.
We offered them ceremony only option so during cocktail hour they can leave. They did not like this option. It is clear that the priorities of my fiance's family have become this child. I do not want to be resentful of this baby or my SIL.
Yet, before we’ve finalized our menu, we are being asked how we can make our wedding comfortable for a baby we didn’t expect would be there. AITA for saying "no you cannot use the amenities that are provided to us as bride and groom to give your kid some milk and a nap?"
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
mifflewhat said:
NTA. If it gets to be too much, you can always tell your SIL that maybe it's best they don't bring the child, prepare for a sh#tstorm, weather it out, and when it's all done you will either find your SIL (and maybe your MIL) will boycott your wedding, or they will be grateful that you're willing to relent and allow them to bring the child at all.
Just remember: it's not your mom and sister, it's your soon-to-be husband's. Let HIM worry about their relationship. YOU worry about your boundaries, and not letting his family walk all over you.
Apart-Ad-6518 said:
NTA. That's your space. They need to use the airbnb if baby needs anything. "We are having a child-free wedding. The only exception we’ve made to this is my future nephew." You've also been kind there.
ssccrs said:
Nta - this sounds like your fiancé’s problem. My honest assessment of the issue is that your fiancé needs to uninvite his brother to be his best man. At this point, he should offer his brother and his brothers wife the opportunity to not attend the wedding.
Although this is hurtful, they are a new family and this is a very important part of development for your nephew. This would seem to be the best solution for both parties involved as you would get the wedding you were hoping for and they would be able to care for their child.
dragonsandvamps said:
NTA. If they want to feed the baby, they can step outside. They do not need to feed the baby in your bridal suite. If the baby needs a nap, the Airbnb is the perfect place for that, not your bridal suite.
DinoSnuggler said:
NTA. Stop discussing it with them. You have given them options, and if they don't like them, they can find their own options or they can stay home. It's not your job to make accommodations for their baby.
WelshWickedWitch said:
Absolutely not! No one should be rooting around your bridal suite apart from the bride and groom. My pil tried this with my stepson, wanting to go in our wedding suite to change him (he wasn't a baby) and it was a hard no for me. We wanted to be the first people in there, it was a special "us" moment and I wasn't willing to share that.
Just say no. They were comfortable communicating their boundaries, then so should your fiance. If there is blow back, then just say "sorry you feel that way, but the answer is still no" then repeat. Plus ensure you inform the hotel/wedding co-ordinator that no one has permission to enter that room. NTA.