Bride bans sister's dog from indoor wedding, 'I'm choosing the venue over her.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my sister she can't bring her dog to my wedding?"
My (29F) wedding is in two months, and my fiancé (31M) and I are deep in planning. My sister, "Ella" (27F), has a dog, Charlie, that she absolutely adores. Charlie is a 4-year-old rescue and has a lot of anxiety issues, including barking at strangers and getting overwhelmed in loud or crowded places.
Ella has been very open about how Charlie is her "emotional support" and doesn’t like to go anywhere without him. I respect that. But when she asked if she could bring him to my wedding, I told her no.
Here’s why: My wedding is in a small indoor venue with around 100 people. It’s formal, with nice decorations, music, speeches, etc. I don’t see how having a nervous, barking dog would fit into that environment. I’m also allergic to dogs—not severely, but enough that if I’m near one for too long, my eyes get itchy, and I start sneezing. I explained this to Ella and suggested she hire a dog sitter for the day.
She was upset and told me I’m being "insensitive" to her needs. She said Charlie helps her with her anxiety and that asking her to leave him behind for a whole day is unfair. She even went so far as to suggest I was being ableist (she’s not officially diagnosed with any disability, by the way).
I tried to stay calm and told her this wasn’t personal. It’s not that I dislike her or Charlie; it’s just that this is my wedding day, and I don’t want to deal with added stress, especially since I already have allergies. I also pointed out that the venue has a strict no-pets policy unless it’s a certified service animal, which Charlie isn’t.
Ella cried, said I’m choosing a venue over her, and accused me of not caring about her mental health. My parents are divided. My mom says Ella needs to learn to compromise, but my dad says I’m being harsh and that "it’s just one day." My fiancé is firmly on my side but said I should be prepared for Ella to hold a grudge.
So, AITA for standing my ground here? I feel like I’m being reasonable, but Ella's reaction is making me second-guess myself. What do you think? Would love an outside perspective.
EDIT:
Thank you everyone for your kind words. I'll try to update you guys once the wedding comes or if anything new comes up.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
LoveBeach8 said:
NTA. You're the bride and you get the final say when it comes to the rules that you have set. Your fiance supports you and that's enough. Tell her in no uncertain terms that her dog is not allowed to attend YOUR wedding.
Make sure she doesn't sneak her dog in, either, by alerting your wedding party. She can attend your wedding without her beloved pet or the two of them can stay home. That's her choice.
CrimsonKnight_004 said:
NTA - You could technically turn her “ableism” argument around on her since allergies are covered under the ADA. It’s hysterical that your dad is telling you that you’re being harsh when it’s “just one day,” when that should apply to your sister, not you. For her it’s just one day, for you it’s supposed to be the most special day of your life centered around you and your partner.
I am also an extremely anxious person who would love to have my dogs with me everywhere I go. I also know that neither of my dogs are trained service animals and are not equipped to accompany me everywhere I go, that my anxiety is my responsibility, and I manage it the best I can while my dogs stay home.
It’s also not good for an anxious dog like hers to be exposed to so many people like that. She knows he doesn’t do well in that environment, so she shouldn’t insist he be anywhere he is uncomfortable and anxious enough to where he’ll be disruptive to everyone present. That’s not looking out for her own pet or the other guests.
This is your and your partner’s day. It’s not “just” one day, it is your day. You shouldn’t have to worry about a dog barking at guests, causing you to experience allergies, and making drama with your chosen venue, when your focus should just be on enjoying your day.
Low_Echidna3042 said:
NTA. You don’t have to list all the reasons. It’s your wedding and you don’t want the dog there. The end. Plus I think most guests don’t want an anxious animal around them especially when they are dressed up and celebrating at a beautiful wedding. Ella is selfish and making this about her. She can get married and have her wedding center around her and her dog.
Trespassingw said:
NTA. I feel crazy over such stories about people believing their under-trained pets should be treated like cutie humans by everyone.
Sholebablucha1 said:
NTA. It’s your wedding, and it’s reasonable to prioritize your comfort and the venue rules over a dog, especially with your allergies.
QuesoDelDiablos said:
NTA. You are right for all the reasons you state. However, just focusing on the fact that no pets are allowed at the venue is enough. What does she want you to do? Change your venue for her dog?
Although your sister sounds like exactly the kind of ahole that buys an Amazon service dog vest and lies about its status. How else could she bring it everywhere? So on that basis, she’s a massive asshole.