'AITA for cancelling my wedding after finding out my fiancé’s family invited his ex?'
"AITA for cancelling my wedding after finding out my fiancé’s family invited his ex?"
I (27f) and my fiancé, Alex (30m), have been engaged for a year and were planning our wedding for the end of the summer. Everything was going smoothly until a couple weeks ago when Alex’s family dropped a bombshell.
Alex’s family is very close-knit and has always been involved in our wedding planning. Recently, I have found out that they have invited Alex’s ex, Sarah (29 f) to the wedding.
Alex and Sarah were dating for about 5 years and broke up about 2 years ago. They’re still on good terms, but I was never comfortable with the idea of her being at our wedding.
When I brought this up to Alex, he said that it’s a family tradition to invite former partners of they’re still friends, and that it would be rude to exclude her. He insisted that it’s no big deal and that Sarah is just a part of their extended social circle. I tried to explain that having Sarah at her wedding made me feel uncomfortable and undermined the significance of the event for me.
Alex’s response was that I was being unreasonable and selfish for not considering his family’s feelings. He argued that it would cause unnecessary drama if we uninvited Sarah now and that we should just focus on enjoying the day. I couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t just about inviting an ex, but also about my place in Alex’s life and whether I was truly a priority.
After a lot of back-and-forth, I decided that I couldn’t go through with the wedding under these circumstances. I canceled the venue and all the plans we had made, explaining to Alex and his family that I couldn’t commit to marrying someone who wasn’t willing to respect my feelings about such a significant issue.
Now, Alex and his family are furious with me. They believe I am overreacting and that I should have been more accommodating. Some of my friends and family think I did the right thing, while others feel I might have acted too impulsively. So AITA for cancelling my wedding after finding out that my fiancés ex was invited by his family?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
SultrySunset said:
NTA. This wasn’t just about an ex being invited; it was about how your feelings and boundaries were respected. A wedding is a union of two people, not an obligation to adhere to family traditions that make the bride uncomfortable. If this issue couldn’t be resolved amicably, it’s better to rethink the relationship altogether.
Bloodystupidjohnson3 said:
Yeah, NTA. You explained that it made you uncomfortable, and your feelings were ignored. He placed “his family’s feelings” above yours. That is not a good sign. I’m not understanding how not inviting her “would cause unnecessary drama.” That makes no sense.
Salty_macaron_0183 said:
NTA It doesn't matter if they're on good terms or not, Sarah is his ex and it’s your wedding. If your fiance can't prioritize your feelings over his ex or even stand up for you to his family, you have every right to doubt your relationship.
And your reaction wasn't impulsive, you talked to him, you gave him the chance to do the right thing, but he still chooses to ignore your concerns, he's the one at fault.
alicat777777 said:
They consider the ex’s feeling but not yours. Your former fiancé did not stick by you on this. He won’t in the future either. NTA.
TongueTwistingTiger said:
NTA. Isn’t your wedding day supposed to be about YOU and your partner? Why are they so hell bent on inviting her? You really should have had final say of the guest list before invitations went out. It sounds like they’ve had a lot of control in this process and for me? That’s a red flag.
Listen, having married an Italian man, in our years together we have attended some DRAMATIC weddings before. The drama almost always comes from the mother of the groom or an ex/someone currently involved with an ex of the couple getting married.
It sounds like you dodged a bullet. Your day should be about you and your partner, not about his family setting the stage for a huge blow-out that will both embarrass and disparage you.
sailorelf said:
NTA. The tacky family want you to play sloppy seconds at your wedding so their preferred choice gf was there. And in the name of manners didn’t understand how you could be so rude. Gtfo. You did the right thing.
All the talk about her being inconsiderate of other people's feelings is incredibly rich. We haven't considered your feelings at all. But by asking us to consider your feelings, you aren't being very considerate of our feelings. Jesus. Those people sound like a nightmare.
Honestly just the very fact that his family is inviting people makes me want to gag. This is your wedding.
SuperbTarget9054 OP responded:
Wow… I was really rethinking my decision of cancelling the wedding but this really helped me feel justified in what I did. Thank you, you have no idea how much this means to me.
INFO: Did you call the venue before or after telling Alex you wanted to call it off? You're not wrong to have the boundary, but if you canceled everything before giving that ultimatum then it's more of ESH than a NTA.
SuperbTarget9054 OP responded:
I did it after telling Alex since I still wanted to give him a chance to change and not throw away all of years together. Sadly it was all in vain :(
INFO:Are you still with your fiance, or did you end the relationship too? NTA.
SuperbTarget9054 OP responded:
The relationship ended
You had a lucky escape it may not feel that way now