'Bridezilla' tries to lower wedding costs by asking bridesmaid to cut her hair. AITA?
Having a vision board for your dream wedding look is one thing, but what do you do with a bride who thinks it's ok to ask friends to change their entire appearance for one afternoon?
So, when a conflicted bride with a beautiful lack of self-awareness decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her dream bridesmaids hair aesthetic, people were ready to roast her.
"AITA (Am I the A@*&ole) for asking my bridesmaid to cut her hair for my wedding?"
I (mid 20's F) am getting married. My fiancé (late 20's M) and I are paying for everything for our bridal party as we want their support without anyone getting in debt for us as we know not all our friends are in as good a financial position as we are.
However, I'm having a problem with how much it's going to cost to do the hair of one of my bridesmaids. The bridesmaid (Adie, early 20's F) has extremely long, thick hair, past her knees. I don't think she has ever cut her hair. Adie is the best man’s (late 20's M) wife who also has extremely long hair.
Due to the length of her hair, the hairdresser's that I am using has advised that to do Adie's hair, it's going to cost double due to the current length as they will need to dedicate just one person to do Adie's hair as it will take much longer to do her hair.
Another stylist will be able to do the hair of the other 3 bridesmaids in the same amount of time.
We had a trial and it took 50 minutes to do Adie's hair compared to the 20 minutes each for the others. It didn't look as nice as the others due to how much hair was braided up. I don't want to have to pay for additional person because Adie's hair is ridiculously long.
Adie's husband had already said he will cut his hair so that he looked neat but won’t say when it's getting cut. I asked Adie to also cut her hair to at least her waist so that it's of similar length to my other bridesmaids.
Adie was upset when I asked her to cut her hair as she got upset and told me that I was being insensitive asking her to cut her hair as I know that she doesn't cut her hair for cultural reasons.
I honestly thought this was a reasonable request. It's my wedding, surely, she wants to make me happy. Adie said it was one step too far for her as I had already asked her to not use her rosemary hair oil as I didn't want her to smell like a woody scented hippie at the wedding - the stuff stinks, but she swears by it for her hair.
Adie suggested that she did her own hair, but I said no as I want my bridesmaids to all look the same and she'd look different if she did her own hair. I asked if she would pay the approx $200 that I'm being charged extra for her hair, and she's refused saying they can't afford it.
Adie has said that I'm being a bridezilla, but I disagree. I don't think I'm being unreasonably. Adie has since spoken with her husband, and he's now told my fiancé that he won't be cutting his hair either and will be instead putting it back nicely. He wasn't happy that I was 'pushing' Adie to cutting her hair.
Fiancé isn't bothered because he just wants his friend next to him, but I'm upset that they're not willing to do this one thing.
I thought I would come to reddit to ask if I am being the ahole in this situation, just for an outsider opinion. Am I being an ahole? I don't think I am because it's not unreasonable to ask someone to do something for my wedding, but Adie thinks I am as she doesn't cut her hair.
Of course, the jury of internet strangers and wedding shamers are eager to weigh in here. Here's what people had to say:
UsuallyWrite2 said:
YTA. It’s a total bridezilla mindset. “Surely she wants to make me happy” OMG.
diminishingpatience said:
YTA. 'It's my wedding, surely, she wants to make me happy' will keep me laughing for a while.
doomspark said:
YTA - You don't ask people to cut their hair, dye their hair, or otherwise modify themselves for you. Especially YTA as you KNOW it's a cultural thing for her. And an additional YTA for your derogatory description of her hair oil, which she had ALREADY agreed not to use.
rTracker_rTracker said:
YTA - it sounds like you don’t want your friend at your wedding it sounds like you’re you want your friend to be a doll at your wedding that you can dress up and have it look like all the other dolls.
Would you ask a man to shave his mustache? Or what if all the other groomsmen were bald… Would you ask someone to shave their head bald to look like everyone else?
In terms of money what you could’ve done is been a Mench and paid for a hairstylist for her. I can’t imagine how unwelcome and unaccepted she is feeling right now due to your requests.
Handknitmittens said:
YTA and a bridezilla. Asking a friend to change her appearance for the esthetic of your wedding is awful. She sounds like she has been very accommodating and tried to compromise with you by offering to do her own hair. If it is that important to you, pay the $200 and be done with it.
Magaimagado said:
YTA, why should she cut her hair for your ONE DAY? Not even speaking of the cultural reason, it would take years to grow back to its current length. For your ONE DAY? Hell no.
Based on this unanimously harsh critique, the 'zilla edited the post later to include some updates:
Edit: Ok, I realise I'm the ahole. I'm going to call Adie later and apologize for asking her to cut hair but ask her if she would prefer to just be a guest as I would like to have my bridesmaids all look the same.
Edit 2: Ok, I get it. I'm the ahole and that my apology plan doesn't sound great. I'm going to talk with Adie and revisit the idea of her doing her own hair and maybe look for another style that would work better for all the different hair lengths and types my bridesmaids have.
While I would like my bridesmaids to all look the same, I know it wasn't right to ask her to cut her hair or kick her out of the wedding. I asked her to be a bridesmaid as her husband is the best man - we aren't very close, but they are a package deal and I know he wouldn't want to walk down the aisle with anyone else.
I respect that these are his boundaries, and I should have respected that with Adie. I have asked her not to use the oil just due to the fact she can be heavy handed with it and one of my bridesmaids is really sensitive to smells and it can be strong.
When I asked her not to wear it, she was ok with it as she understood and didn't want to cause the other bridesmaid a migraine.
And the saga continued:
Edit 3: I have spoken with Adie; I have apologised for asking her to cut her hair. I have offered to take her and her husband out for dinner next week as a way to apologizde for my lack of judgement.
I have asked Adie if she was still open to doing her own hair, if not I would pay the extra money. Adie said she would prefer to do her own hair, and we have agreed to do some hair trials next weekend to see if we can find a style that suits her.
Adie has advised that her husband is still upset that I asked her to cut her hair as he felt as if I was being pushy, but she said he will calm down in time.
Adie and I are also going for lunch in the week so we can get to know each other better, her husband adores her as she's a lovely person and I should get to know her as they are a big part of my fiancé's life.
Thank you for opening my eyes to how I was being. I'm hoping I can forge a friendship with Adie and not damage my fiancé's relationship with her and her husband.