Bride discovers that sister didn't understand MOH duties, plans to demote; AITA?

Being a maid of honor, while 'an honor,' can also be an expensive and thankless journey of planning multiple events and drowning in rose gold banners...

So, when a conflicted bride decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet about her sister slacking on her Maid of Honor duties, people were eager to hear all about the family tension.

AITA for expecting my maid of honor to have more responsibilities than my bridesmaids?

I’m starting to question my own sanity here. I’m getting married later this year to my amazing fiancé. When choosing the bridal party, I was a bit conflicted about who should be my maid of honor.

I have one sister who I love dearly, but she is significantly younger than me. I thought the maid of honor responsibilities might be overwhelming for her because she has not been to many weddings yet and only and handful of her friends have gotten married.

I thought my best friend may be the better maid of honor choice because she’s been a bridesmaid several times and she has a knack for planning and keeping people in check. I talked about my feelings of conflict with my mom, who made it abundantly clear she felt my sister was the only choice for maid of honor.

My mom even said she would help her with planning since I was worried about it. I made several chats with the bridal party and both moms so everyone had each others contact info and told my sister to reach out to the bridesmaids to help plan things if she was feeling overwhelmed.

Months have now gone by, and I recently got a call from my best friend letting me know she’s a little worried about how things are going. Apparently my sister didn’t realize that the maid of honor is responsible for planning the bachelorette, shower, and essentially being my point person on the day of the wedding.

It’s gotten to the point where trying to talk to my sister about the wedding stuff she should be working on hurts my feelings because “I’m too hard to please” or “won’t be happy no matter what.”

I don’t want to hurt my sister’s feelings by demoting her to bridesmaid, so I talked to my mom about what’s been going on to see if she could maybe step in and help my sister out.

Rather than seeing how much additional stress this is causing me, my mom agreed with my sister’s general sentiment which is that I’m difficult to please and change my mind too much.

My mom also told me she didn’t feel like it was fair for me to expect so much of my sister. I reminded her that this is what you sign up for when you agree to be someone’s maid of honor, and my mom told me that “maid of honor” is just a title and that it’s ultimately my wedding to plan. AITA here?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:

RobinhoodCove830 said:

YTA for not being clear and for thinking of your MOH as staff. Many MOH do plan the bachelorette and shower but ultimately these are still voluntary gifts, not obligations. That said if your BFF wants to do it I don't see why she can't.

idontcare8587 said:

YTA. People can't read your mind to figure out your expectations. You should have made them clear when you asked her to be MOH.

Starfleet_Intern said:

Yta I don’t get this American thing where bridesmaid/maid of honor is like some way to hoist huge amounts of responsibilities and costs on people. It’s a way to honor the women in your lives. Just do that.

Hopeful-Chipmunk6530 said:

Yta. You do sound like you are quite demanding. There’s no law that the maid of honor has to do these things. Your best friend can still organize these things or reach out to your sister to help with these things.

My sister was my maid of honor but my best friend organized my bachelorette party. It is your wedding and your responsibility to plan. I had a small wedding. Our families and wedding party helped but my husband and I did all the planning.

BeBrave920 said:

YTA. She isn't responsible for planning things unless you specifically ask her to organize them, and even then, there's no reason she must organize them. Others can help as well.

The maid of honor is typically someone who is very close to you, but that doesn't mean they are required to plan the bachelorette party and the shower and be your 'point person for all wedding related things.' For the last wedding where I was the maid of honor, I was out of town.

The bridesmaids who were in town took care of planning most of the shower, although I made suggestions/contributed to the ideas. The day of the wedding, I made sure I had a bag with safety pins, hairpins, bandaids, double-sided tape, etc., and that bag went with us to the church, for photos, and to the reception.

We all worked together throughout as opposed to assuming that one person would be the one doing everything.

[deleted] said:

YTA- It really is just a title, anyone can plan those things (including you). Maid of honor is literally just a title for someone who means a lot to you and gets a special spot during the ceremony.

It’s not a wedding planner position. It’s not fair to put all that on someone else. Get a wedding planner or organize your own parties, it’s no one’s wedding but yours and your partner.

People need to stop making weddings into such a logistical nightmare. Chill out, you don’t actually NEED a bridal shower or bachelorette party or any of that stuff. If you want it, you plan it

5footfilly said:

The position is called “Maid of HONOR”. Not “entitled bride’s indentured servant.' You’re supposed to pick someone you love and wish to place in a position of HONOR to stand beside you. Not the best organizer, the person with the deepest pockets or someone easily bullied into doing your bidding. YTA.

CommunicationOdd9406 said:

YTA your own nonsense is causing your stress.

So, there you have it...

The people of the internet decided that this bride needs to get a grip. If she had certain expectations for the MOH roles, she should've been clear. Good luck, everyone!