'WIBTA for uninviting anyone who attended a winery day from my bridal shower and possibly wedding?'
"WIBTA for uninviting anyone who attended a winery day from my bridal shower and possibly wedding?"
My fiancé (32M) and I (30F) are getting married in a few months we have been dating for 2 years. When we first starting dating his sister (25F) and I got along great, but when I asked her to be a bridesmaid she turned me down, I assume because she would not be the center of attention.
Everything spiraled from there and now we are pretty much NC with her. She is a brat truth be told and created a ton of unnecessary drama.
Some highlights were showing up with no gift to our engagement party and not saying a word to us, she ran into my brother in public and was extremally rude to him, her and her boyfriend denied this happened and called my brother a liar.
Now she is no longer invited to the wedding. This summer we made an effort to see other members of his family so we have been spending our weekends meeting up for dinner with different members of his family.
Naturally the issues with his sister come up. I chose not to hold back and told them exactly what she did. I thought they should know how toxic she is and decide for themselves if they want her in their lives.
Yesterday I saw on Instagram one of my fiancé's cousins posted a bunch of pictures from a girls wine day. All his female aunts and cousins were there and of course his sister was there. I was so hurt that they wouldn't even invite me.
It felt like the pictures were posted specifically to make me feel bad and show that they took her side. I am supposed to be marrying into this family in a few months and they completely left me out.
I reached out to one of his aunts I thought I was close to and asked if my fiancé's sister planned this, She said no it was another aunt.
When I asked why I wasn't invited she said it was because of the drama between me and fiancé's sister, they didn't want the day to be uncomfortable so chose to keep it to just family which hurt to hear that they don't consider me family.
I asked her if they meant they all took her side, she claimed no one was taking sides and if I chose to take it that way it was up to me. I ended the phone call very upset.
My bridal shower is in a few weeks and I don't want any of them there its for friends and family and obviously they don't consider me family so they don't need to be there. I want no drama at my shower and only people who are happy for me and love me there.
I am debating if I want them at the wedding but I will deal with that later. I have a mass email written up ready to send disinviting them from my shower, my fiancé is fine with it he can't stand his sister and is angry with his family.
My MOH is trying to talk me out of sending it saying it will ruin my relationship with his family and my wedding and upset my MIL, but I think i'ts already ruined.
Here's what people had to say about this wedding drama:
MaIngallsisaracist said:
YTA. If drama is constantly following you around -- and I bet it is! -- YOU are the source of it. You can not have a relationship with your future SIL. You cannot, however, demand that everyone do the same.
Allaboutbird said:
YTA. You claim to not want drama but it sounds like you're at the center of all of it. You "assumed" she turned you down when you asked her to be a bridesmaid because she won't be the "center of attention?"
That's quite a judgment to make about someone you claimed to get along great with up to that point. You took your brother's word over hers about an encounter (with what proof?) You bad-mouthed her to her family.
You assumed that pictures posted on social media were only there to make you feel bad (is everything about you?) And now you want to go nuclear and disinvite a bunch of your fiance's family members from your shower and possibly the wedding? There is one common denominator in all these issues and it's not the sister.
Primary-Criticism929 said:
YTA. TBH, it sounds like you're the only person creating drama here...You've been talking shit about their cousin/niece all summer. Did you really expect them to welcome you into their family with open arms ? You sound very immature.
OrangeCubit said:
YTA - this reads like you are the source of all this drama. How many presents do you expect? And then you bad mouth and gossip about this girl to her own family and somehow expect them to take YOUR side?
Some rando they just met. Why on earth would you ever expect them to take your side over hers? You were the one trying to force people to take sides and you lost. This is just the expected consequences of your own behavior.
Scared_Fox_1813 said:
YTA. You can’t expect your fiancées ENTIRE family to cut off his sister just because you felt like she’s been rude to you a few times.
That’s extremely petty and honestly, imo, pretty toxic behavior on your part. From what you said about that gathering it sounds like it was all of your fiancées female family members that are related by blood which yes would include is sister and I think it makes sense to exclude you from that gathering for two reasons:
1) you’re not related to them yet 2) given how you bad mouthed the sister over the summer that’s a recipe for drama if your both there. My guess is there’s more to the story from the sisters perspective that you’re not giving us because you’re clearly biased and trying to sway the judgment in your favor.