Bride bans family from wedding, 'I knew they'd be too busy.' AITA? 'I decided I was DONE.'

"AITA for not inviting any of my family to my wedding and replying that I knew they'd be too busy when questioned about why?"

I (27f) am the youngest in a family of five. My siblings are 10+ years older than me. We're all full siblings too. I was the accidental pregnancy that happened when my parents were done having kids.

I have often questioned if because I was accidental pregnancy, they never really wanted me and therefore we've ended up here. But of course nobody ever said that to my face. That's just where my brain goes.

There is a repeated pattern of everyone having plans or being busy when it's my birthday or something important happens in my life. With my siblings, I understand more. We were never close and they never pretended we were or that they cared. It's different with my parents. Some examples I can mention:

- I had a joint 16th birthday party with my best friend. I was 16 that Friday, she was 16 that Sunday and the party was Saturday. My best friend's parents paid for both of us. Even invited my whole family. My siblings never replied which I took to mean no.

-My parents said they had other plans even though they never told me that before when I had asked them about the party. They never said it when I originally invited them either. They said my siblings would come to make up for it but they told our parents they had important jobs they couldn't get away from on a Saturday night.

- For my 18th birthday I invited them out to a family dinner. My siblings said they were all working that weekend. My dad said he was going to be in hospital after a procedure he never mentioned before and he didn't actually have in the end and he wasn't in the hospital, though he did go somewhere that night.

My mom said she was visiting her sister and couldn't get away. None of them had other dates they could say they'd be free.

- My 21st was the same. Only my parents said they would come and they didn't. They all had medical/dental stuff going on.

- My high school and college graduation were two events where everyone had "medical appointments" and could not reschedule to come.

I started going to therapy a couple of years ago to help me navigate how I felt about everything. My original therapist was really good but she had to leave due to illness and I struggle with my current one. She has encouraged me to keep trying with my family and to always be open for them to return my efforts. She said it's important to never give up on family.

I was reaching the end of my rope when my fiancé and I got engaged. Especially with how close I've become to my future-MIL. I was talking to him about how I didn't know if I should invite them to our engagement party or wedding and how I didn't want to but a part of me felt like I had to because of the therapist.

He suggested I make one more attempt by inviting them to the engagement party and if none of them show up, I can say I tried over the years and even gave them one more chance but I have to move on for my own peace of mind and our future kids. He said then we can get married knowing I had giving them more chances than most would.

Nobody showed up to our engagement party. Everyone had medical appointments from 8pm until late on a Friday night. My whole family. Both parents, all four siblings and their partners and kids. I did what my fiancé suggested and decided I was done. It felt so good, still feels so good.

But they found out invites went out and I was asked why they weren't invited or given info on the wedding. I told them I knew they would be too busy and didn't want to inconvenience them by having to explain all the important stuff going on in their lives that prevented them from coming to my wedding.

There was some backlash from my text before I blocked them. It felt good to be free. But then my therapist was saying my wedding was a big thing to not invite them to and did I really want to close the door forever and be the kind of person who doesn't value family. For a while I have considered if I need a different therapist.

My fiancé believes so from what he's heard from me. But I don't know if that's just because he's so protective of me or if the therapist is right and I'm being an ahole and she's trying to stop me from being one. AITA?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

bookworm-1960 said:

NTA. You definitely need a new therapist. One that lives in reality. I probably would have answered the why with why would I invite any of you? You have never been around for any of my important events...

And I didn't feel the need to do another round of inviting you so you once again come up with fake excuses to not attend. Then block them. Enjoy your wedding and your life with the family you are creating.

Eastern_Condition863 said:

NTA. Arms get tired from holding doors open forever. It's okay to put your arm down and let the door just close naturally. They see the door closing, but they aren't running over to keep it open either. Time to let them go. I think inviting them one last time to the engagement was a good last step to say that you have tried everything.

Dresden_Mouse said:

Tell them you handed the invitations at engagement party.

Go-Mellistic said:

Psychologist here. Fire your therapist. Your therapist clearly does not understand dysfunctional families. NTA. You absolutely did the right thing not inviting them. Go NC with the lot, embrace your in-laws and create a family of choice. Good luck to you!

Substantial-Air3395 said:

Your therapist is projecting her feelings on what a family should be. She is absolutely wrong, and I would find a new therapist. NTA.

Preference_Afraid said:

NTA. I have a brother like this. My running joke is that should I die before him and he comes to the services I want someone to tell him "she'd be so happy you finally made it to one of her milestone events."

And yes, you need a new therapist. It sounds like this situation with your family has had a pretty major impact on you, and not in a good way. Your therapist should be helping you navigate how to process your feelings and setting boundaries, even if that means no/low contact.

jam7789 said:

NTA. Good lord you need a new therapist ASAP! How many chances can you give people that lie about getting a medical procedure done at 8 pm on a Friday night. Good grief. They aren't even good liars! I'm so sorry your family has never been there for you but it sounds like you have a great husband to be and your in laws are good.