'AITA for making a kid leave my wedding?'
"AITA for making a kid leave my wedding?"
After a long wedding day we hit the reception. Things are fine until my hubby’s cousin Anna’s kid started making a fuss about cake. Like screaming and just a huge meltdown (autistic) over not having ice cream with his cake.
Like screaming. Throwing himself on the middle of the dance floor kicking his feet and he’s offered several sliced of the cake only to throw them.
The floor is a sticky mess. I was planning on doing the father daughter dance right after this. I’m almost in tears at this point and thank god my sister and MOH and my mother had enough of this and told Anna and her son they needed to go.
Anna and her son refused to leave and the boy started acting worse to where my sister gets pissed off and told her to leave or the police will be called. That’s not an empty threat from my sis because her FIL is a cop.
Anna leaves but we are now like an hour behind schedule because of a meltdown over ice cream. I’m not feeling any and leaving without the rest of the dances. The DJ plays for his schedule time but no one is feeling it after the kids meltdown.
New hubby gets a call on our honeymoon and his family (grandma, aunt, cousins) now want all of the wedding gifts back because my family decided to bully an autistic child who was allowed to throw a fit in the middle of the dance floor for an hour. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
slep writes:
NTA as an autistic person I feel STRONGLY about this. The kid didn’t have a meltdown bc of ice cream it was the thing that broke the camel’s back bc a wedding is almost guaranteed to cause over stimulation which leads more often than not into a meltdown.
How the parent didn’t recognise this or even seem to think about how it could be a possibility- and then refusing to leave basically keeping your child in a very vulnerable state in front of a whole ass wedding party genuinely makes me angry. Either way, you handled it the best you could, definitely NTA.
chapro writes:
ESH. You have the right to remove anyone who is causing a scene for any reason. Many kids throw tantrums. Your being on the verge of tears over a behind schedule and a sticky floor makes me think you should be a bit more understanding of them.
But your little aside comment of "(autistic)" seemed wholly unnecessary and makes my spider sense tingle that you were biased against this child in the first place. Especially since you asked them to leave altogether, not just step outside until they were calm enough to come back in...
Like what would seem normal of any other child throwing a fit or a baby crying. Obviously the parent choosing not to leave was an AH decision. Sounds like an emotional experience. Sorry it happened at your wedding.
agah0 writes:
Send all their stuff back and block them everywhere for ever. They have demonstrated by their actions they care nothing for you and hubby. Mom should certainly understand her kids needs, special or otherwise, and be prepared to deal with them whenever out in public.
No way should he have been left to continue his melt down at your event. Take him to the car or their room for him to finish his meltdown. He could always have come back after (don't know correct terminology for autism) he stabilizes and returns to acceptable behavior. NTA.
flick writes:
NTA. I have an autistic kid. I have had to leave many situations because my kid was having a meltdown. I remember a particularly bad meltdown at synagogue when my husband had to take kiddo out to the parking lot because he wanted one of the rewards the kids who were graduating from Hebrew school got. It sucks, but it is what it is.
Usually going out to the parking lot and sitting with him for a bit until he calms down does the trick. Sometimes he doesn't calm down. But the rest of the world doesn't stop just because my kid is having a meltdown.
Removing a kid from the situation that is causing the meltdown is important, too. An hour long meltdown is not fun for the child, either. Most autistic kids are not just little brats throwing tantrums; they are actually overwhelmed and unable to cope with everything going on. Your little cousin needed to go somewhere calmer and less stimulating for his own sake.
I could understand your relatives' concern if you escalated to threatening the cops after five minutes. An hour? And it wasn't even you who threatened!
If those relatives weren't present for the wedding, likely they are getting a sob story from your cousin-in-law that leaves out the fact that this went on for an hour. Your husband needs to set them straight.
cckopo writes:
NTA - as a neurodivergent with sensory issues, I can kinda understand why the kid flipped out so hard and it wasn't due to the ice cream or cake.
Due to my dad's work, I had to be in a lot of places that were very stimulating when I was a child. My mom and dad would make sure in absolutes that I had stuff to keep me occupied and distracted from most of the stimulus as well as an escape plan for my brother (neurotypical) and one for me.
Even ones where we needed to be separated so we dont get on eachothers nerves and esculate a situation. Weddings especially were rough.
It's dad and mom's responsibility to protect their children. Even from making a scene themselves, because no child wants to have a meltdown. It's scary, uncontrollable, and while there is a raging storm outside and inside of you, all you can see are people who can't understand, and you cant make them. That's pretty heavy for a child.
Honestly, I think kicking them out helped the kid more than you realize. A sudden change in scenery, sounds, smells, and lighting can help a lot. That poor kiddo. Kid's mom can eat it. And your mom and sis deserve a trophy for taking the reins and not making you do it.
Kiddo's mom shouldn't be invited anymore. If you feel comfortable with the dad being in charge of the kid in public, than that's your call. However I think after she threatened you as well as refused to help her spiraling child, she deserves an express "so and so cannot come, but person 1 and 2 are invited. "