Bride gives bridesmaid an ultimatum: 'you can only be in the wedding if you DON'T wear makeup.' AITA? MINI UPDATE

"AITA for telling my friend she’s not allowed to wear makeup to my wedding?"

I know the title sounds really bad but let me explain. I (25F) have been friends with this girl, let’s call her Mia (26F) since freshman year of high school. We became friends because we were in the same biology and history class together.

Mia has ALWAYS been a pick-me. She would always talk about how small she was in front of guys and would make comments putting down her female friends to get attention from guys. There was a time our whole friend group in high school was having dinner...

...And she made a comment about how much food I was eating and called me a slob in front of everyone. She then kept going on and on about how she ate half of her burger and got so full because she’s so small.

After high school me and a lot of our friends distanced ourselves from her when we left for university because of the way she acts towards us (especially our girl friends). During college the only times we ever interacted was over social media wishing each other happy birthday or liking each others posts. I honestly stopped paying attention to her.

After I graduated University I got a job in a city in the state I am from and I moved with my boyfriend at the time (now fiancé), unbeknownst to me she was in the same city because her fiancé worked there. We reconnected and she apologized for how she acted in school and I felt us becoming close again.

We got close and she introduced me to her fiancé and I introduced her to mine. He is a very nice man and they seemed really happy. She asked me to be a part of her wedding party and I agreed because I thought she had changed. I was wrong.

She was HORRIBLE during wedding preparations. Bridezilla isn’t even a word to describe how she treated people. She would yell at her bridesmaids if something didn’t go her way. During bridesmaids dress shopping she called one of her other bridesmaids fat to her face and would yell at us for “ruining her wedding."

But to her fiancé's face, she was an angel. During this time, I also learned that her pick-me ways NEVER changed. She does the same thing of putting other people down to make herself look better in front of guy, but she does it with her fiancé and acts all innocent and sweet. I was miserable the whole time but Im not a very confrontational person so I never said anything.

Closer to the time of her wedding asked me to book the hair appointments for her and the bridesmaid and book the makeup appointment. I asked her if I should book a makeup appointment for us as well and she told me she didn’t want me to.

At first I thought it was a money issue with not being able to afford it for the rest of us and I told her we can do our own makeup or I can get my sister to do ours. She told me she didn’t want any of us doing makeup because she “doesn’t want us trying to upstage her on her day."

I was confused and a little shocked and told her that wouldn’t be the case and we could all do something natural and light. I especially emphasized on how I was breaking out badly due to hormones and would feel really insecure without makeup covering it and she yelled at me saying it was her day and we weren’t going to ruin it by upstaging her.

To not deal with anymore problems I left it at that and didn’t wear any makeup on her wedding, despite feeling incredibly insecure due to my skin. Now about a year later I’m getting married and I’m planning my own wedding. I have also distanced myself from Mia.

But I still invited her to be a part of my wedding party because my fiancé became good friends with her husband and asked him to be a part of his wedding party. Mia wouldn’t let him be apart of it unless she’s apart of mine because she “doesn’t want him walking down the aisle with another girl."

Because my fiancé wants his friend as apart of the wedding I told her she could be my bridesmaid but she’s not allowed to wear any makeup. She asked me if any of my other bridesmaids weren’t wearing makeup and I told her nope that they all were, I just don’t want her wearing it because it’s my day.

She’s pissed at me and ignoring me, I told my fiancé about the ultimatum I gave her and he thinks it’s hilarious but my mom and sister think I’m being too harsh. Am I the ahole???

EDIT:

You guys telling me not to invite her from my wedding is not what I’m asking for. I don’t want her there. I am doing this so my fiancé can have his friend at this wedding. Her husband will not show up if she is not there. Sadly. Trust me if I could have a sign. That says “Mia is banned from this event” with a picture of her face. I would do it but I can’t.

Also, a lot of people are asking why I stayed friends with her or why I stayed a part of her wedding. I have been a very insecure person in my life and I never really had that many good friendships and I just let people treat me bad in friendships...

...because I was worried I wouldn’t have friends and at the time of her wedding, it was something that I had not worked through yet, but my fiancé made me go to therapy for it and I have now changed a lot. I’m truly seeing the heck that she put me through during high school and what she put me through during her wedding.

Here's what people had to say about this one:

Fluffy_Exercise2174 said:

ESH. You for allowing this to continue. She is not your friend.

PrairieGrrl5263 said:

YTA for not pulling out of her wedding when she made that ridiculous edict banning makeup for the bridesmaids.

Frosty-Assist-8756 said:

YTA. Honestly, if Mia’s such a nightmare, the more graceful move would’ve been to not invite her at all. But instead, you’re trying to play this petty power game with makeup like you’re settling some score.

You said you were upset by how she treated you on her wedding day, but now you’re doing the exact same thing by making her feel insecure on your day. If you really wanted to rise above, just don’t invite her. If you can’t do that, let her wear her makeup and focus on what’s supposed to be your happy day — not trying to get even.

GnomieOk4136 said:

YTA. This is spiteful, petty, and downright witchy behavior. Don't have her in your wedding. Period. She is clearly not your friend, and you clearly dislike her. Your fiancé will cope. She can come as a guest if you're that desperate.

Dependent-Union4802 said:

This is too much drama- it’s your wedding. Surround yourself with positive people only and if they can’t abide by that- they are out. The no makeup thing is dumb.

Porg_the_corg said:

ESH. You're allowed to feel like she sucks, because she does. But you are being petty by saying she's the only one who can't wear makeup. Physical appearance isn't the only thing that matters and you're letting this drama take away your peace about your wedding. It doesn't matter what she does or doesn't do. It's about you and your fiance.

The reason my wedding was so wonderful was because I just didn't give a crap about what anyone else did or thought. I got mad about one thing and then realized I wasn't going to let it ruin the best day of MY life. My advice is to do the same.

Elelith said:

YTA. You're just being petty and immature. You're clearly trying to play some kind of desperate powerplay here and it's not looking good. Is that the kind of wife your boyfriend wants? If you invite, invite her with the same rules as everyone else. You singling her out to get a reaction out of her.. you and Mia are more alike than you think.

Worried_Werewolf7388 said:

YTA. Why did you not cut contact with her earlier in the first place if she is so horrible Also based on your responses under this post you are not so far gone from her behavior yourself lol. Grow a pair, would ya.

GnomieOk4136 said:

You are exactly like her. You seem to hate her, so maybe think on the fact that you are basically the same petty viper she is. YTA.

Later, OP provided a mini update:

After reading the comments and seeing a majority of you think I am the ahole I’ve come to terms of the fact that I am OK with that. And instead of telling her she can’t wear make up to my wedding...

I’m still gonna do that, but I’m also gonna tell her husband about how much of a horrible person she is and show him all the receipts I have and then I’m gonna go on my honeymoon and turn off my phone thank you.