Bride gives 'scatterbrained' sister a wedding ultimatum: 'choose me or your fiancé.' AITA?
"AITA for making my sister choose between me and her fiancé at my wedding?"
I (28F) am getting married in three months, and my fiancé (30M) and I are both excited. We've been planning this wedding for over a year, and we want it to be a small, intimate ceremony with close friends and family. But now, there’s a huge issue involving my sister (25F) and her fiancé (27M), who I’ll call Matt.
For context, my sister and I have always been really close, but I’ve never liked Matt. He’s rude, condescending, and never treats her with respect. He makes little passive-aggressive comments to her in front of us, like calling her “scatterbrained” or making jokes about her weight (which is completely inappropriate—she’s beautiful).
My sister usually brushes it off, but I know it hurts her. I've tried talking to her about it, but she insists he's just "bad at joking" and that he doesn't mean any harm. Things got worse at my engagement party a few months ago. Matt got drunk and made a scene.
He loudly commented on how much money my fiancé's family must have (they’re comfortable, but it’s not something we flaunt). Then, he made a snide comment about how I was “lucky to lock down a guy like him” since I’m “not exactly a catch." My fiancé was furious, but we decided to let it go for the sake of my sister.
Fast forward to last week: we sent out our wedding invitations. A couple of days later, I got a call from my sister. She was really upset because I didn’t invite Matt. I told her that after what happened at the engagement party, I didn’t feel comfortable having him at the wedding. I want my day to be filled with love and positivity, and I don’t want to risk Matt causing another scene.
She told me that she can’t come to my wedding if Matt isn’t invited. She feels like I’m forcing her to choose between her fiancé and her family, and that it's unfair because he’s going to be her husband. I told her I love her and I want her there, but I’m standing by my decision not to invite Matt.
Now, my mom and dad are getting involved, saying I should just invite him to avoid family drama. My fiancé supports my decision, but my sister is saying I’m being unreasonable and is threatening not to come to the wedding at all. AITA for not inviting Matt and potentially making my sister choose between me and her fiancé?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
charmingneighborxo said:
NTA. It's your wedding and you have the right to protect your day from negativity. Matt behavior has been disrespectful and you shouldn’t have to worry about him causing drama. If your sister chooses not to come that's her decision but you’re not being unreasonable.
CatJarmansPants said:
Taking the cynical line, if your sister hasn't already ditched Matt for being an utter twat, she's not going to. That means - regardless of your wedding - he's going to be a feature of your life if you maintain any kind of 'real' relationship with your sister.
Realistically, you're going to 'drift away' from her anyway, because he's such a knob - so you may as well do so before your wedding, and have a nice wedding, than doing so afterwards, having the same lack of relationship with your sister, and a wedding that turns to sh%$ because Matt gets steamed up and yells his gob off. It's only going one way - so ditch. NTA.
Cute_Beat7013 said:
NTA – Stand your ground OP, or your next post will be "AITA for not wanting to go to my sister’s wedding after her fiancé ruined mine."
BlueGreen_1956 said:
Maybe NTA. But as is always the case, when we make any decision, consequences follow. They may be good consequences, or they may not. But they will surely come. You will have to reconcile yourself to your sister not attending your wedding and also face whatever future consequences come your way. You may need to plan on not being inviting to your sister's wedding either. This whole thing sounds like a line of dominoes just waiting to fall.
CocoaAlmondsRock said:
NTA -- your wedding, your guest list. But you ARE asking your sister to choose. You don't like her fiancé -- and it sounds like you have legit reasons not to -- but she still loves him. Growing up means moving from your birth family to the one you make. Don't be surprised -- or hurt -- if she chooses him. She SHOULD choose the man she loves.
She's not rejecting you or trying to hurt you, just like you're not trying to hurt her by not inviting her fiancé. Let her make her choice, and tell her you'll love and support her no matter what she chooses. Maybe that will inspire her to look more closely at her relationship.
SportySue60 said:
ESH…I get it you don’t like him but he’s her fiancé he should be included if only because your sister is engaged to him. At some point he’s going to become family. Tell your sister that if he acts up you will have him escorted out of the venue.