Bride ices out SIL for making fun of 'Dungeons & Dragons'-themed wedding. 'We can't take a joke.' AITA?
"AITA for icing out my SIL after she made fun of my wedding?"
My husband (26M) and I (24F) recently had our dream wedding themed around Dungeons & Dragons. Both of us are huge fans, and we thought it would be a fun and unique way to celebrate our special day, considering we met via playing the game.
We both wore costumes, with my husband dressed as his eldrich knight PC and I dressed as a Seelie archfey. We even encouraged our guests to dress up, and many of them did, which made the day even more magical.
Most of our friends and family were supportive and seemed to have a great time. However, my sister-in-law (my husband's brother's wife)(29F) was not so pleased. She attended the wedding but refused to wear a costume, which was fine since it was optional.
The problem started during the reception when she began making snide remarks about our theme. She loudly joked about how "childish" and "ridiculous" it was for adults to dress up like characters from a game, and even called it "a waste of a wedding."
I tried to brush it off at first, not wanting to cause a scene, but her comments continued throughout the night. She even said something directly to me about how I looked "like I was going to a Halloween party rather than my own wedding." By the end of the evening, I was really hurt and upset. My husband noticed and confronted her privately, but she brushed it off as "just joking."
She made fun of the food we chose to serve, the song we picked for our first dance (Merry-go-round of life from Howl's Moving Castle) and even my wedding dress because it wasn't a "real wedding dress."
She hurt my feelings severely and when my husband stood up to her she told him our wedding was a "nerdy loser wedding". After the wedding was over my husband stopped talking to her entirely and only has spoken to his brother ever since.
Yesterday, a month after our wedding, we had a dinner party with our immediate families and I asked my husband if we could refrain from inviting her. He agreed and said she needed to be on a time out for disrespecting both of us.
She found out she missed the dinner and is super angry with me, texting me that I'm an ahole and a B for not inviting her but still inviting her husband. I told her that my BIL wasn't disrespectful and she shouldn't have been surprised we didn't want her around after she badmouthed our wedding. She told me I was a major ahole and that she was joking and talking about her preferences.
I feel really bad for not inviting her but I don't want to see her after she made our wedding about herself and her preferences. My husband agrees with me, but my BIL has since stopped talking to either of us because we "disrespected his wife" and that she was just joking and we can't take a joke. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Beneficial-Ball8375 said:
Alright. First, the obvious: NTA. If I'd were you, she would wait FOREVER for another invite. Seriously: not in this lifetime. But to go even further, she directly texted YOU (not her brother in law aka your husband, no...you.
As if she has a specific itch with you. And, oh, how fast she was to go from 'I want to be invited to events you host' to... bitch Wow, real classy that woman. Also very telling that her own husband went with your invite and left her at home. I think deep down HE is the one giving her the biggest time out.
So, in addition to all else: please keep up the icing out. Someone who calls you nerdy losers on your own wedding does not deserve to ever get an invite EVER again. Oh, same of course goes for any family holiday. Wish you all the best!
Woodmom-2262 said:
I wish people would stop trying to cover ugly behavior as a “joke”. Jokes are funny snd not cruel. Her behavior was shameful. If she didn’t agree with your choices she should learn to stop talking. NTA.
Proud-Geek1019 said:
NTA. Her "preferences" have nothing to do with any wedding but her own. And it wasn't joking. She's a mean girl.
craft_vulture said:
I do wedding photography off and on. One of my favorite weddings that I shot was steampunk themed. Both myself and the other photographer dressed up as steampunk newsies and a good majority of the guests dressed up as well.
The bride even had a dress change from ceremony to reception and everything was so amazing. It was a full day affair and I was so exhausted at the end but I have never been to a wedding like that before or since.
I bet your wedding was absolutely magnificent and something to behold! You are not wrong for shutting these people out. NTA.
Present-Reflection84 said:
NTA. Your husband didn’t invite her because she disrespected his wife. His brother can’t turn around and say you disrespected his wife when she’s just getting consequences for her actions. You don’t need that snotty mean girl in your home judging your dinner party too.
Brokenstoryunread said:
NTA. Do not feel bad at all. She disrespected what your husband and you wanted for your wedding, ruining your special day. BIL needs to grow up because he can’t be upset about SIL not being invited when he still showed up to the family gathering.
He can’t be performative when it comes to supporting his wife’s horrible behavior. It is a good thing to set boundaries with people in general so now is the perfect time to start. If I was you I would ignore her and document every message she sends you.
I would also encourage your husband to send BIL a message letting him know that he loves and supports him and that when he is ready to talk that he will be available with an open door. He needs to reiterate that what SIL did at the wedding was inappropriate and not acceptable. He might tolerate that behaviour but the both of you will not. Simple and done!
99dalmatianpups said:
NTA. Based on what you’ve written, your wedding wouldn’t exactly be my cup of tea either, but Christ I wouldn’t spend the whole reception talking shit about it, ESPECIALLY not to the bride’s face!! It could be the ugliest, trashiest wedding to have ever taken place, but you still don’t ever tell the couple that!