Bride is heartbroken, 'I feel forced to cancel my wedding due to an awkward situation.' UPDATED

"Feeling forced to cancel my wedding due to an awkward situation and I’m heartbroken."

Hi all! I’m currently in the middle of planning my June wedding which has been in the works since autumn. About 6 years ago, I planned a wedding with an ex and hated every minute of it, swore I would never wedding plan again after that break up.

Fast forward and I’ve met the love of my life and we are so excited to get married; we have a simple dream wedding and I finally convinced myself it would be worth the work to have a wedding day. But there's a problem.

Wedding planning hasn’t been easy but I grew to really love the things we had in place. We booked a ceremony/cocktail hour venue with a gorgeous view of an urban gorge/waterfall and then we would walk to the nearby minor league baseball stadium for our reception in an event space there.

We have also booked a photographer, stylist, transportation, hotel, and honeymoon flights/accommodations based on this date. The date itself is a Wednesday, so things would be quiet and low key, we only invited 30 people.

This week, the baseball stadium announced the promotional theme for the night of our wedding reception is “Pride Night.” As a bise%ual person myself, I love how much my community embraces the LGBTQ community and that we have a pride night at the baseball stadium - I’ve been an enthusiastic attendee in the past.

However, this is not a night I would haven chosen to have my heteronormative wedding celebration at the ballpark. I feel it would be disrespectful to the community to show up in my white dress with my groom and my wedding party.

I don’t want to make spectators feel uncomfortable, and I also don’t want to feel like I have to tamper down my wedding day to be respectful of this event. I dreamed of taking pictures in the stands and having my whole party walk to the stadium with flowers and decor for fun photos. I feel like these public celebrations will make me feel imposing or awkward now.

The baseball stadium has offered to change our contracted date, but obviously it would require a lot of work to move all my other vendors and arrangements.

I could also plan a different reception that day, but a baseball wedding was my dream from the start and I worry I’d be more heartbroken doing something else that day. Not to mention, both these options require a lot of extra work from me that I don’t want to add to my plate.

The other option would be to elope, of course, but I’m heartbroken that I’d have to give up my wedding day and professional photos over this.

I can’t believe I put in all this effort and money into a day just to be put in a difficult position where I have to choose between respecting a community and having my dream wedding. I feel so sad and discouraged. Any advice or opinions would be appreciated; throwaway account in case this is controversial.

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some top responses:

butimstefanie writes:

I honestly don't think anyone is going to notice/care about what is happening in at a party in 1 box.

Wedding planning is so freaking hard and detail oriented, but honestly, innocent bystanders really don't care about your wedding. It's not like they limit admission that day to LGBTQIA+ .

Go on with your bad self, enjoy your day, and be PROUD that you found love in this terrible world.

crowsnty writes:

I don’t mean to be insensitive but I don’t really understand why having a heteronormative wedding would be disrespectful to the LGBTQ community. I’m pretty sure the people in the community know there are other people in the world who are not LGBTQ.

A gay couple I know had a wonderful wedding and both brides wore white dresses. I apologize for missing something but I’d just have the event as planned.

Maybe a nice gesture like a table outside you private area with free rainbow cookies and a sign that says “As we celebrate our special day, we hope you enjoy celebrating yours” or something. A wedding is such a joyful event, I just don’t see it as an intrusion?

mrsbebe writes:

Right, people will probably see the wedding party and be like "awe look, they just got married!!" And "she looks so pretty!" And that will be the extent. I don't think anyone is going to be offended or think poorly of you. It's not like y'all chose the theme.

thethrowawaybride writes:

this is less of a big deal than you think. i go to a lot of theme games and while the theme is clear, there are plenty of people who go just to go and don’t know anything about the theme. its not like you’re going there to shout homophobic remarks. i think it will be fine.

esotera writes:

Yes, I’m a season ticket holder to an NBA team that has theme nights all the time and I never know what they are until I show up.

excblue writes:

I’m trying to understand what the issue is. Do you live in a community where gay marriage isn’t legal?

OP writes:

No, gay marriage is legal. But in light of a history of being denied that right, it feels awkward to celebrate my straight wedding at a night dedicated to celebrating that community.

founcat writes:

I think, first and foremost, you need to do what is best for you and your groom!

That being said, I also think this is a wonderful opportunity to emphasize how "love is love." Your identity as a bise%ual person is just as important and valid no matter how "heteronormative" your wedding may appear to be on the surface.

Not that this has much bearing on your decision, but as a bi lady, I would be thrilled to see any kind of wedding go through a public event I happened to be attending! It's not about how the couple presents, it's about seeing two people in love having fun!

Regardless of anyone's outside opinion on the matter, your happiness and comfort is paramount. I don't know if any of the following will be helpful, but maybe consider:

Spend some time with yourself and really sort through all of your feelings. Are you worried about your identity being "erased" by having what appears to be a heteronormative wedding? Have you encountered biphobia in the past and are concerned about it happening again, particularly in a public place?

Could your past experiences with wedding planning with your ex be causing some additional stress? No one can answer these questions but you, but I think it's worth the time and effort to step back and pinpoint your exact worries so that you can figure out how you'd like to move forward.

Talk to someone. If you have a trusted support system, I'd be honest and run your fears by them. It's amazing what can happen when we verbalize our emotions, and the people around you may be able to reassure you.

This is a little less on the emotional side, but consider incorporating your bise%uality into your day. I think it would be really cool to have the colors of the bisexual pride flag as your bouquet—there are many beautiful blue and violet and pink flowers out there, and even dyed roses could look stunning!

Or, if you prefer something a little more subtle, consider having a little pride charm on a bracelet or somehow making your shoes represent that aspect of your identity!

No matter what you decide to do, I hope you have a wonderful wedding...and that your favorite team hits a home run!

vocag writes:

I think you’re overthinking this too.

Besides, I assume that you and your fiance, and presumably at least some of your friends, would be supportive of the LGBTQ community given that you’re a part of it (though I don’t know if you’re out).

I don’t think anyone would comment negatively if they saw you getting married there, and if they did (assuming that you’re open about your se%uality) you can politely say “well, the fact that I’m marrying a man doesn’t make me any less bisexual, and I for one am honoured to be able to celebrate my wedding at a venue that recognizes and celebrates the LGBTQ community that I am a part of.

” You could also thank the venue in your speech for their commitment to inclusivity, or raise money for an LGBTQ charity through your event if you wanted to nod more obviously to the theme of the evening (I got married on a holiday and made a...

holiday-appropriate donation to a charity instead of doing wedding favours, and we asked for donations to a different holiday-appropriate charity in lieu of clinking glasses to get us to kiss).

Or, alternatively, keep it classy and say “if I wanted an asshole’s opinion, I would have farted!” Because anyone who says anything to a random wedding couple other than “congratulations” don’t deserve the time of day.

TL;DR: You should have your awesome wedding as planned. No one will judge you for it, and if they do, it says more about them than you.

And now, OP's update:

Thank you to everyone who read and commented on my post yesterday about how the baseball stadium I’m hosting my reception at announced our wedding date is Pride Night. After a lot of heartfelt reflection, we have decided to continue planning our wedding for that day and joyfully accept the coincidence.

I also want to apologize if anyone felt my reaction to this news was homophobic or bigoted- I truly felt I was coming from a place of concern from the community, but realize it was from a deeply rooted internal conflict surrounding my own bisexual identity.

I wanted to especially thank those who brought bi erasure to my attention. This was a layer of my emotional reaction that I wasn’t aware of at first. Its not that I wasn’t aware of the issue or that I didn’t feel I was part of the LGBTQA+ community before; but I hadn’t realized how my own identity felt compromised by marrying someone of the opposite gender at a pride event. I am working on embracing this and I am planning on adding some purple, blue and pink to my outfit for the day.

Ultimately, I am excited that I get to marry the person I love on the day we picked, regardless of what other celebrations are occurring that day.

I think this will add a fun element to our day that make for an even better night of celebrating the love we’ve found. I’m especially grateful for this opportunity to grow in my bise%ual identity and celebrate that my wedding isn’t straight regardless of how it appears on the outside, and that’s beautiful, too!