Bride kicks bridesmaid out of wedding party for 'excluding' her; AITA?
Real life usually doesn't follow the plot of a 'Bride Wars'-style early 2000s rom-com, but what happens when your bridesmaid pact fails miserably?
So, when a conflicted bride decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet about her ex-bridesmaid excluding her from wedding-related activities, people were ready for all the drama.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) for kicking my friend out of my bridal party when she's been excluding me?
So one of my friends of 15+ years, we'll call her Chelsea, got engaged to her bf of 7 years this year in February and 5 months later in June, I also got engaged to my bf of 4 years.
Because I'm currently in school for my teaching credentials, I need to get married end of June 2024 because that was my only break from school.
I asked Chelsea when she was looking to have her wedding and she told me she already picked a date and it was in July 2024 - only 1 week after my wedding.
When I told her the date I wanted, she called her venue and moved it another week out, but that still only leaves our weddings 2 weeks apart. I told her I wouldn't be able to make it since I'll probably still be on my honeymoon and she said she was okay with it, but I was annoyed that she's so nonchalant with me not being able to attend.
The plan was to have each other as bridesmaids so I asked her to be mine, but she didn't ask me because I won't be at the wedding, which I get, but now it feels like I'm no longer part of the friend group.
A few months ago, she texts me and my friends that she's having a dinner to celebrate her engagement and I told her I couldn't make it because I had a trip planned.
On the day of my trip, my flight got delayed to the next day so I could've attended, but I didn't know when or where the dinner was because she never even bothered to send me an official invite.
Throughout the last few months, she's been texting our group chats trying to plan her bridal shower and bachelorette, but I didn't respond because I was still hurt about not being invited to the dinner and I just got busy with work.
On Facebook, I see that she posts a confirmation email of her booking her Miami bach trip with our friends, but didn't bother texting me separately to see if I could come.
It feels like she's been excluding me so I called her and told her that I no longer wanted her to be my bridesmaid because I was still mad our dates were so close together.
She knows I'm still trying to get my teaching credentials and have no other times to get married so I don't know why she's in such a rush to get married.
Ever since then, she's been hanging out with our friends without me and making it very apparent that I'm excluded. AITA for kicking her our of my bridal party when she hasn't been including me?
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say...
CinnamonHart said:
YTA. You excluded yourself by saying you wouldn’t go. She even moved her wedding date for you. What more can you reasonably expect?
FunkyOrangePenguin said:
She rescheduled her wedding for you. She’s not excluding you, you just aren’t a part of the bridal party because you can’t make it. Why would you be invited to the bachelorette party? You’ve shown yourself to be unavailable for her wedding plans. YTA. You sound incredibly self-centered.
Icy-Sun1216 said:
She got engaged first, picked her date and you’re mad? You declined an invitation and you’re mad? You didn’t respond to group chats and you’re mad? I don’t get this at all. YTA - you are way too high maintenance of a friend.
greenseraphima said:
It is incredible, the way you expect your friend to bend over backwards in order to center you in her wedding plans when you've made zero moves to compromise and adjust to her schedule. YTA, and a massive one.
sci_fi_bi said:
Let me lay this out. She got engaged first, started planning her wedding first, and set a date first. You then set yours a week prior, and she is generous enough to move her (already planned!) date back by a week to accommodate you.
Despite this, you tell her you cannot go. (guess you just have to have a 2week honeymoon immediately after the wedding huh).
She is understanding, and graciously still accepts when you ask her to be your MOH, even though this means she will be heavily involved in prepping for your wedding while her own is right around the corner.
She invites you to the celebration dinner, and you say you cannot go to that either. When your plans change last minute, you do not text her to tell her you can come after all. Instead, you get annoyed with her for not psychically knowing this and sending you details.
She continues to include you in the chat planning events leading up to the wedding, but you ignore her. At no point do you indicate to her that you are remotely interested in attending any events. You then get upset when she does not expect you to attend.
You get so angry she hasn't included you in things you willingly opted out of, that you kick her out of your bridal party. Why on earth are you surprised she doesn't want to hang out with you anymore?
You repeatedly indicated you didn't care about her wedding or needs, and got mad at her for not magically knowing how best to cater her life to your schedule. And then punished her for it. YTA and a horrible friend.
peithecelt said:
YTA - she had been super accommodating and you sound like a jealous asshole who is to busy for her. yeah, you are totally in the wrong.