Bride kicks 'distracting' sister out of bridal party, 'I won't be going;' AITA?
Being a bridesmaid can be an exhausting journey, especially when your own sister used to make your life miserable...
So, when a conflicted ex-bridesmaid and bullied sister decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her sister's Bridezilla wedding, people were eager to hear the juicy gossip.
AITA for telling my sister that she no longer has to worry about me being a distraction at her wedding because I won't be going?
My sister is 2 years younger than me. Growing up she would always come to me for help with things our parents wanted her to do alone or for money, because I had money young from helping out my best friends grandparents who would always throw us five or ten dollars for doing stuff for them.
But my sister was a very popular kid and had a bunch of friends who were popular and I was not. So she never liked being seen with me.
When we got older it was worse because she'd ask to borrow money or she'd ask me to drive her home from school but if I dared approach her around her friends she'd get so mad and say it was embarrassing to be seen with me.
She and her friends used to make fun of me and my best friend too because he's a guy and they would say we were either secretly dating or he was secretly gay. She'd throw out some wild shi$ just to fit in.
It annoyed the crap out of me because she'd always want something when none of her friends were around. I'd say we weren't at all close in that time despite me giving in normally because I did love her but she was sh#tty to me and to my friend.
As adults who are now 26 and 28, I would say our relationship got better eventually and she seemed to improve a lot as a person. She even apologized to me and my best friend for going along and spreading more rumors about us.
She even asked me to be her maid of honor which shocked me because I didn't ask her to be mine. I thought we were finally starting to be close as sisters. But she started treating me like sh#t again.
She wanted me to change my hair completely (my hair is pink and all textured), then she wanted me to cover up the two tattoos I have (one of which represents my kids) and told me I looked like a biker and not a bridesmaid.
When we went dress shopping she'd always have something negative to say about the dresses they had me try while she was crazy about her friends dresses.
After a few months she told me she felt like I would be too distracting on her wedding day and would I mind being a regular guest and not a bridesmaid.
Something clicked for me then and I told her not to worry about me being a distraction because not only would I step down as her maid of honor, but I will keep myself away from her wedding and do her the kindness of not being there when she's clearly still embarrassed of me like she was as a kid.
She freaked out and said she never said she didn't want me there. She told me I'm her sister and I should be there. My parents were SO disappointed when they learned what happened but said they understood my decision and it was probably for the best overall.
My sister's fiance accused me of holding the past against her and overreacting to what she wants for her wedding day and I should do better. My sister cried down the phone to me asking why I'm being mean to her. AITA?
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this family wedding drama...
Wotzehell said:
NTA. Good on the Parents for not trying to force you!
DreamingofRlyeh said:
NTA. If she cannot be respectful to you, she shouldn't expect you to want to spend time with her.
OnlymyOP said:
NTA. TBH your Sister sounds as though she hasn't changed very much. Your personal appearance is your choice and no one including a Bride has the right to dictate to you what your hair should like etc anyway.
SmashedBrotato said:
NTA: She's crying because when people ask why you're not there, which they will, she's going to have to answer, and if she's aware your parents are already understanding your position, she's probably realizing they aren't just going to sit back and let her make up a lie about it.
She doesn't want to look like the asshole at her own wedding, so for her, it's easier for you if you just pretend everything is fine and come, so people don't say anything bad about her.
golden-starss said:
Actions, meet consequences. Clearly your sister's change of heart was only surface level and not really genuine. It doesn't sound like she even likes you very much, she only likes the things you can do for her.
Not going to her wedding and going LC/NC is probably the best wedding gift you can gift her (and yourself as well). Maybe next time she'll think again before going back to her bullying ways.
You don't have any obligation to allow her to mistreat you and try to change you. And from what you've said you've ran out of favors and sisterly duties a long time ago.
NTA. I say you should do something nice for yourself on the day of her wedding and enjoy yourself the way you want to.